Some threads in this forum really irk me!

[freestylemonster]

Reading a lot of the threads in this forum kinda depresses me I saw this one thread called "You chose to be this way" where the op - who I won't name - said that their mom told them that "They chose to be this way". The person then went on to say that no, they actually didn't, it's just the way it is.

Don't get me wrong. There is a lot of truth to that. But think about it as You continue to choose to stay this way rather than you chose to be this way. The former is completely and utterly true.

Social anxiety is an irrational fear. It starts up for god knows what reason and will continue to stick with you. But all irrational fears can be gotten over. I'm not saying that it's easy. It's hard as hell. In fact, I'd say that getting over SA may just be the hardest thing you'll ever do. There are no "quick fixes". You will never just read something and all-of-a-sudden be completely unshy.

Getting over SA is a long and tedious process. You will have relapses and you will get discouraged and say "I can't do this..I'm going to be like this for ever." It takes years and years to reprogram your brain to be okay with talking to people - but it's soooooo worth it! Four years ago I couldn't even go into a store and buy something. I'd have a complete panic attack. Talking to someone felt like jumping out of a plane. But now, four years after I decided I was going to beat my SA, I'm VERY proud to say that my SA is like 70% gone! Because when I tried and failed (It happened a lot and it still continues to happen) I didn't just say "I can't do it". I got up, brushed myself off and tried again. And every time I tried it got a teensy (almost unnoticeable) bit easier.

It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're faced with a challenge and there's a long, tedious road ahead of you that's filled will holes and bumps. But once you've conquered it, which you will if you apply yourself, it will be so worth it! I promise!!!!!

 

[coyote]

I feel the same way, freestylemonster

that's why i chose to put the following quote in my signature:

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are."

to use the analogy of the caterpillar and the butterfly...

if you are a caterpillar who wants to be a butterfly, it does no good to crawl around lamenting the fact that you are a caterpillar or complaining that no one treats you like butterfly

it doesn't do any good to look for all the ways you expect the world to change in order to allow you to continue to be a caterpillar

it also does no good to envy the butterflies, blame the butterflies, or criticize the butterflies for being what you are not

it would make more sense to work on making the changes necessary to go from being a caterpillar to becoming a butterfly

the first change is to accept and believe that you have the power to do so

 

[EscapeArtist]

Well said Coyote! (wish the rep system was here still..)

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Well said Coyote! (wish the rep system was here still..)

Don't feed his ego more than it needs to be

No seriously, WELL WELL said Coyote. And OP. Great observations and insight there. So true. Once you accept this is first real step towards real change.

As in my quote as well, no one can hurt you without your consent. It's so so true, hard pill to swallow sometimes. (obviously dont literally mean physically...).

 

[miss_amy]

I've been thinking the same for a long time.

You can choose to change.

 

[replica]

I've chosen not to read most of the threads that are negative, which is the majority of the forum unfortunately.

 

[Supreme]

Thank you. That was very encouraging!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Thank you. That was very encouraging!

I have to ask--are you Diana Ross, Mary Wilson, or Florence Ballard?

 

[coyote]

I have to ask--are you Diana Ross, Mary Wilson, or Florence Ballard?

or perhaps: sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, and onions?

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

or perhaps: sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, and onions?

Or maybe Chevron, Texaco, Shell, 76, Arco, Exxon, American, etc.

 

[bsebring]

GAh, u guys are making me hungry ::

 

[philly2bits]

that's why i chose to put the following quote in my signature:

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are."

to use the analogy of the caterpillar and the butterfly...

if you are a caterpillar who wants to be a butterfly, it does no good to crawl around lamenting the fact that you are a caterpillar or complaining that no one treats you like butterfly

it doesn't do any good to look for all the ways you expect the world to change in order to allow you to continue to be a caterpillar

it also does no good to envy the butterflies, blame the butterflies, or criticize the butterflies for being what you are not

it would make more sense to work on making the changes necessary to go from being a caterpillar to becoming a butterfly

the first change is to accept and believe that you have the power to do so

Your analogy, while superficially pleasing, doesn't address a huge issue. That issue being the inability to create a cocoon. How you word it, the caterpillar is lazy and bitter that no one will build the cocoon for him. This is where the whole concept of "you chose to be like this" comes in. A failure to see that for some people it is harder, the mountain is a mountain after all and not a mole hill. Changing ones attitude is the first of many steps, not the be all end all.

 

[Rufus]

Great post!!

Might just chip in here. Throughout most of last year I was feeling absolutely vile for near enough a year, and I happened to read a great article on cracked dot com in the early hours of one morning, I won't say it completely motivated me to go out and change or anything but the message of the 2 paragraphs I'm quoting kinda stuck with me;

You want to break out of that black tar pit of self-hatred? Brush the black hair out of your eyes, step away from the computer and buy a nice gift for someone you loathe. Send a card to your worst enemy. Make dinner for your mom and dad. Or just do something simple, with an tangible result. Go clean the leaves out of the gutter. Grow a damn plant.

It ain't rocket science; you are a social animal and thus you are born with little happiness hormones that are released into your bloodstream when you see a physical benefit to your actions. Think about all those teenagers in their dark rooms, glued to their PC's, turning every life problem into ridiculous melodrama. Why do they make those cuts on their arms? It's because making the pain-and subsequent healing-tangible releases endorphins they don't get otherwise. It's pain, but at least it's real.

Article is here

I just began to volunteer somewhere, made a consious effort to smile more in conversation and I guess things just grew from there. A simple few small steps end up going a long way!

It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're faced with a challenge and there's a long, tedious road ahead of you that's filled will holes and bumps. But once you've conquered it, which you will if you apply yourself, it will be so worth it! I promise!!!!!

Never a truer word spoken. Again, great post.

 

[coyote]

Your analogy, while superficially pleasing, doesn't address a huge issue. That issue being the inability to create a cocoon. How you word it, the caterpillar is lazy and bitter that no one will build the cocoon for him. This is where the whole concept of "you chose to be like this" comes in. A failure to see that for some people it is harder, the mountain is a mountain after all and not a mole hill. Changing ones attitude is the first of many steps, not the be all end all.

I disagree that anyone is unable to change.

I think everyone here has the ability.

The hardest part is convincing ourselves that we do.

I agree that it can be really hard to do - just like freestylemonster said

but, again - you can't change by staying the same

for your life to change, you have to make some changes in your life

that's the hardest part of all - our lives are the way they are because we've gotten in the habit of always making the safe, comfortable choice

but to continue to do so is not going to get us where we want to be

 

[philly2bits]

I disagree that anyone is unable to change.

I think everyone here has the ability.

The hardest part is convincing ourselves that we do.

I disagree with that. It's easy to want to change. The hardest part is actually changing. You can't erase memories or bad habits. You can not start over with a blank slate. You can only work with what is already there and sometimes there will be too much baggage to change. Not to be a downer but it seems all too true.

but, again - you can't change by staying the same

for your life to change, you have to make some changes in your life

that's the hardest part of all - our lives are the way they are because we've gotten in the habit of always making the safe, comfortable choice

but to continue to do so is not going to get us where we want to be

I agree with this. But as I'm sure I mentioned too much already it's way easier said than done.

 

[coyote]

I disagree with that. It's easy to want to change. The hardest part is actually changing. You can't erase memories or bad habits. You can not start over with a blank slate. You can only work with what is already there and sometimes there will be too much baggage to change. Not to be a downer but it seems all too true.

i think you just gave an example of what I meant

regardless of how much we want to change, we never will if we continue to convince ourselves that we can't

 

[philly2bits]

i think you just gave an example of what I meant

regardless of how much we want to change, we never will if we continue to convince ourselves that we can't

I see your point. I was trying to inject some practical concerns against your post which was too vague IMO. But it seems we see the issue from too close the same point of view for my concerns to matter much. Find someone with the polar opposite view and maybe something can be learned from it.

 

[freestylemonster]

I disagree with that. It's easy to want to change. The hardest part is actually changing. You can't erase memories or bad habits. You can not start over with a blank slate. You can only work with what is already there and sometimes there will be too much baggage to change. Not to be a downer but it seems all too true.





I agree with this. But as I'm sure I mentioned too much already it's way easier said than done.

Of course it's easier said than done. Like I said, getting over SA could possibly be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But if you don't even try, or if you give up because it's too hard, then don't complain.

That sounds kind of rude but it's the cold, hard truth.

 

[da_illest101]

I agree with this post. All i ever did was to feel sorry for myself and not even trying to fight back. It brought me nowhere. Always thinking negatively, everything just end up being negative. Life isn't fair, some got it easy others don't, well tough luck for us but we have to fight. unless you love being this way.

 

[Acegame]

I disagree with that. It's easy to want to change. The hardest part is actually changing. You can't erase memories or bad habits. You can not start over with a blank slate. You can only work with what is already there and sometimes there will be too much baggage to change. Not to be a downer but it seems all too true.

Eventhough it might be true what you said, this thought/opinion is not gonna help you. It might even bring you down more. So whats the point of looking at it this way? I think its important to make the "click" that these (often seemingly realistic thoughts) are NOT helpfull so its no use to be thinking like that. There are so many angles to look from, why not choose a positive one that might even be helpfull. There is a positive side on everything.