Social when at work

[recluse]

When at work i am social, friendly, and always smiling....My boss even praised me the other day for being ''helpful and friendly with customers and co workers and that it's good that i am always smiling''.......The truth is as soon as i get home i go back to my withdrawn self and feel sad and empty, also often irritable and anti social. I bet that my co workers and customers would not believe that i am a reclusive loner judging from the persona i convey at work.

Can anyone else relate to living a double life? How do you deal with pretty much faking a persona to get through the day?

 

[coyote]

This sounds like me exactly.

How do I deal with it?

Probably the same way I deal with everything - I don't.

I realize that's not a very effective solution.

I'm working on putting a stop to avoiding everything in my life.

 

[EasySkankin]

To be honest, I wish I had a fake persona. I don't even have enough confidence to have that

 

[recluse]

^When you get paid it's easier.

 

[dottie]

yes, total double life. i hate having to act fake at work. it is so draining and it makes me feel like a fraud.

truth:
i don't want to be in that environment.
i don't want to deal with the people.
lots of anxiety.
it doesn't make for a happy camper.

if i truly expressed any of that i'd be fired. therefore i have to act fake. and there is a fire in me that resents this infringement of freedom to express my natural state.

as soon as i get in my car to leave i am back to my SELF! although my nerves are on burn-out mode by that time. the social aspect of wearing this fake act is more exhausting than any of the actual physical or mental labor i am doing to fulfill the job.

 

[Richey]

you are both very lucky then i think, at work i'm a borderline mute and i'm a nervous wreck and i show it as well, i wish i could camouflage my anxiety like you guys can. i find that i'm too awkward in conversation so i just say little but there is one person i do talk to and when i do everyone else wonders how come i'm so different and confident around this one person yet i'm all autistic and boring around everyone else. if you can fake it so that others wouldn't even know that you have social issues then you are doing very well. ..

i'm definitely not social at work, i mean i'm fairly shy though.

 

[dottie]

you are both very lucky then i think, at work i'm a borderline mute and i'm a nervous wreck and i show it as well, i wish i could camouflage my anxiety like you guys can. i find that i'm too awkward in conversation so i just say little but there is one person i do talk to and when i do everyone else wonders how come i'm so different and confident around this one person yet i'm all autistic and boring around everyone else. if you can fake it so that others wouldn't even know that you have social issues then you are doing very well. ..

i'm definitely not social at work, i mean i'm fairly shy though.

well i fake it with customers. when it comes to coworkers that is another story. they see i am painfully awkward and wonder what's wrong with me. i'm practically mute around them, although i do try. the difference with customers is that they are passers-by and i don't have to solidify some semblence of a relationship so faking it is acceptable.

 

[coyote]

yes, total double life. i hate having to act fake at work. it is so draining and it makes me feel like a fraud.

truth:
i don't want to be in that environment.
i don't want to deal with the people.
lots of anxiety.
it doesn't make for a happy camper.

if i truly expressed any of that i'd be fired. therefore i have to act fake. and there is a fire in me that resents this infringement of freedom to express my natural state.

as soon as i get in my car to leave i am back to my SELF! although my nerves are on burn-out mode by that time. the social aspect of wearing this fake act is more exhausting than any of the actual physical or mental labor i am doing to fulfill the job.

exactly, exactly!!

 

[Richey]

yeh i think that's fairly normal though because i think the entire setup of a job environment can be awkward to begin with. i know that my manager is an "iron fist" arrogant and clearly has no emptahty for her employees. she shouts at staff all the time. but when some of the staff are actually attending to customers then it forces them to be themselves and for their personalities to come out more because that's partly their job ...

so i think alot of the workplace experience can come down to the people you work with, the atmosphere, the pressure and pace of the job ...i know where i work its all really extreme and high pressure and it sort of shocks me into being quiet when its really busy. but i've worked in an office where everything was chilled and mellow in comparison and everyone was super nice and that meant for a more pleasurable experience ..

 

[coyote]

well i fake it with customers. when it comes to coworkers that is another story. they see i am painfully awkward and wonder what's wrong with me. i'm practically mute around them, although i do try. the difference with customers is that they are passers-by and i don't have to solidify some semblence of a relationship so faking it is acceptable.

I do ok with my co-workers and employees, now - but have a hard time with my boss.

In past jobs it has been more difficult.

Totally agree about the customer thing - it's like I'm an actor on stage, and they're the audience. I'm just putting on a show for their benefit. It's actually quite fun sometimes.

 

[BlueDays]

........................

 

[Richey]

i dont think i could fake it though, i'm usually just myself in those situations ..often i feel passive agressive and uninterested but that's me being myself..i think its great that people can fake it and can be bubbly when they feel like it because people like that will go alot further in a company. the way i see it is if the environment doesnt suit me then i'll turn up and work hard but i will switch onto passive agressive mode and stay fairly quiet because i'd much rather be elsewhere but once you are an adult you have to earn a wage somehow and until i find a job that i really enjoy then that's that, take it or leave it. i am interested in people though and i do interact with people but i stay fairly placid for the most part. i am mostly put off by the environment of the workplace though, i mean if i knew that the world ended tommorrow i'd walk right out of the place ...i'm doing it because i need the money otherwise i'd be hold up in a studio somewhere drawing and playing music..i simply don't care about the businesses i work for, i only do it because i have to. i do have empathy for others and i do try to talk to other employees but i find it way too uncomfortable most of the time ...so faking it isnt easy for me.

 

[dottie]

I do ok with my co-workers and employees, now - but have a hard time with my boss.

In past jobs it has been more difficult.

Totally agree about the customer thing - it's like I'm an actor on stage, and they're the audience. I'm just putting on a show for their benefit. It's actually quite fun sometimes.

other people have mentioned that it is a whole different story when you have coworkers you like. this has been true for me once before and it was great! hopefully something like that comes along for me again. is your boss a jerk? or do you just feel anxious around superiors?

 

[coyote]

...or do you just feel anxious around superiors?

that's it

Plus, he's tall, handsome, rich, successful, etc.... very intimidating, even though he's really a nice guy and has been very good to me.

Irrational, yes.

 

[dottie]

totes relate

Irrational, yes.

my middle name haha

 

[SociallyAwkwardAndShy]

At my last job it was horrible, i only worked with managers and I was the only part-time employee. So i was constantly being watched and judged. (this time it wasn't in my head lol) I had to be on my toes. I was so afraid i would say something wrong or not appropriate I just kept my mouth shut.
As far as customers go, I was very uncomfortable and tried my best to fake it.

I have never had this happen to me at my previous two jobs where I got along with my co-workers great even made friends with some of them( It took a long time) and customers are okay sometimes. I don't know if this was because at these times of my life my SA was somewhat under control or I was faking it to the point where I even fooled myself.

 

[Sial Axetder]

yes, total double life. i hate having to act fake at work. it is so draining and it makes me feel like a fraud.

truth:
i don't want to be in that environment.
i don't want to deal with the people.
lots of anxiety.
it doesn't make for a happy camper.

if i truly expressed any of that i'd be fired. therefore i have to act fake. and there is a fire in me that resents this infringement of freedom to express my natural state.

as soon as i get in my car to leave i am back to my SELF! although my nerves are on burn-out mode by that time. the social aspect of wearing this fake act is more exhausting than any of the actual physical or mental labor i am doing to fulfill the job.

Correct. Expression melts, relaxed, drive.

 

[sevenroses]

Sometimes the way I behave at work and outside of work is night and day. At work for some reason I try to psych myself up to be all upbeat and energized etc. I do a great job in faking it. But no one would have known how down I can get outside of work.