Social Skills

veggielover

veggielover

Well-known member
I wish I had even a minuscule amount of social skills. Here I am sitting on my computer in my room INSTEAD of being downstairs where the rest of my family is. :) great right?? Ugh, but seriously I wish I could think of something to talk about rather than pretend I'm doing stuff or find something to do so that I don't have to socialize with another person. I finally ran out of stuff to pretend to be doing and came up to my room. Guys intimidate me. New people intimidate me. Why can't I be a normal human being with the simplest of traits like socializing!! I seriously get so intimidated when I'm stuck in a room with just one other person who I don't know very well. All that goes through my head is "this is so awkward, i'm so awkward, why is this so awkward, get me out of hereee!" Seriously so annoyinggg...

Thanks for listening to my vent sesh ;P
 
staticreflex

staticreflex

Well-known member
take heart, social skills are learn-able, I used to be the same way having zero, 0, nil, skills and I have slowly developed an awareness and than a few basic skills that make things a lot easier, but I still have a long way to go. When I learned that although its easy to concentrate on my fears and insecurities and that it is very helpful to understand that "normal" people also feel awkward in social situations and embarrass themselves occasionally, it made things a little easier.


It seems like you at least make an effort to be around them sometimes, I just retire to my room as soon as possible and stay up late so I wake up late and avoid them even more.
 
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fitftw

fitftw

Well-known member
I'm always in my room instead of downstairs where my parents hang out at night.

I usually wait til they go to sleep and then I go down and get something to eat or something...

Just go down there and mingle. You don't have to say anything more than "hey". That's all I really do. Nothing to talk about. Sometimes my dad asks me how my car is doing or how the gym was...I say "good" and that's that...
 
yumesa

yumesa

Well-known member
I'm the same way. I tend to kill conversations too and just being awkward and I feel like I must be talking like a retard or something. Often I stumble on my words or something embarrassing even if its just like 5 word phrase. I've learned I get defensive or want to argue about something. Its tough to learn to talk normal .....
 
Ignace

Ignace

Well-known member
I screw my words up too, what I have most of the time is that I have 2 ways to explain what I wanna say in my head and then i mix them.:confused: Pretty embarassing.::(:
 
C

crunch-yogurt

Well-known member
i feel the very same about meeting new people. hate just sitting there racking my brain trying to think of something to say. also kinda the same deal with my family. i think its just that we dont have that much in common.
 
AnxietyDave

AnxietyDave

Well-known member
When I was younger, I also hid behind the pretense of being busy in my room all the time, I even took it further when that no longer worked and began hiding behind the mask of being goth or punk and not willing to socialize with the mainstream for that reason.

When I left home and actually had no choice but to realize that I would have to adjust my social skills to survive, I gradually adapted. I was lucky, I managed to do this in such a way that those around me would be very aware that I was different but they were willing to accept it because I had developed a very effective method to tie people around my finger.

Can you believe it coming from being totally anti social to being anti social but accepted.

All I can say is that often we perceive others opinions of us to be far worse than they really are and often it is our own hang ups which hold us back rather than the way we feel others see us.

I don't know if this helps at all, but there is hope, we just need to keep focused and do our best to achieve what we need to make us happy.
 
veggielover

veggielover

Well-known member
It's weird. My family is filled with super social people, coming from a hispanic background. My brother and I are very similar in that we hate socializing. Sometimes I think it's because we were the only ones brought up in California rather than in Chile...where the rest of my family is from. I feel like that's the only reason because our parents are so lively and social. I just don't get it.
 
F

fuzzylogic

1
The most important thing to remember is that social skills is all about getting caught up in the mood then things just seem to flow naturally.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I too long for the end of the day when I get back to my unit, close the door to the dysfunctional world outside and be by myself.

I wouldn't mind just enough social skills to bluff myself through a day in the world of people.
 
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CHAKRAPOINT

Well-known member
same here.not close 2 my family as i also get nervous around them hence why i avoid family gatherings aallll the time.when we have guests i hide in my room and also when my whole family is here i am the shyest.
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
CHAKRAPOINT said:
same here.not close 2 my family as i also get nervous around them hence why i avoid family gatherings aallll the time.when we have guests i hide in my room and also when my whole family is here i am the shyest.
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Some family haven't seen a long time. They want to know how I am - fine - am I supposed to say more? I tend not hide anymore. Doesn't mean I have more to say.

I am shy as well.

They could ask specific questions and maybe they'd get more than fine. Or quite asking questions.
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
IamThisOne said:
That's what my father says about me every time he introduces me to someone.
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In socialworld I have to be that. Otherwise people don't understand what is being said by me. Makes sense to me, not them. I also have troubles with this language English. Words get screwed up or I stutter.

Interesting note: I took a German coarse and had zero troubles speaking German. Ich verstehe nicht.
 
C

CHAKRAPOINT

Well-known member
Sial Axetder said:
Some family haven't seen a long time. They want to know how I am - fine - am I supposed to say more? I tend not hide anymore. Doesn't mean I have more to say.

I am shy as well.

They could ask specific questions and maybe they'd get more than fine. Or quite asking questions.
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my cousins,aunts uncles always wonder why i am never seen around christmas and new years where the whole family gets together and i have been avoiding it since primary school so i too havent seen alot of my family in like ten years (am 20 now) besides last year when my dad forced me to go and when i did everybody looked at me weirdly as if im some stranger.throughout the whole gathering i stayed in my room and even my younger cousins are maturing more than me which is embarrassing for me.
 
C

CHAKRAPOINT

Well-known member
veggielover said:
I wish I had even a minuscule amount of social skills. Here I am sitting on my computer in my room INSTEAD of being downstairs where the rest of my family is. :) great right?? Ugh, but seriously I wish I could think of something to talk about rather than pretend I'm doing stuff or find something to do so that I don't have to socialize with another person. I finally ran out of stuff to pretend to be doing and came up to my room. Guys intimidate me. New people intimidate me. Why can't I be a normal human being with the simplest of traits like socializing!! I seriously get so intimidated when I'm stuck in a room with just one other person who I don't know very well. All that goes through my head is "this is so awkward, i'm so awkward, why is this so awkward, get me out of hereee!" Seriously so annoyinggg...

Thanks for listening to my vent sesh ;P
Click to expand...

haha!! i can tell that you wrote this thread in a moment of high anxiety where while everyone is busy in your house socializing your in your your room by yourself wanting to socialize but cant and scared that the people in your house are thinking why your the only one who isnt interacting.this happens to me also whenever i realise that im really anxious and in a situation that is out of my control i rush to the computer to write about it.

like you just the opposite girls intimidate me and i feel like i am trying to relate to such a different species (not human) and cant find much to talk about.(no offense)

i know what you mean where the rest of your family speak the language well and you cant which makes family gatherings even more anxiety prone as you dont even know what others are saying about you.

who was in your room that made you feel so awkward?
 
Predacon

Predacon

Well-known member
It's tough. With people I don't know well, I try to be polite and hope the conversation doesn't go to what I'm doing with my life.
 
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