Social anxiety is worst for guys who have a strong liking for girls

[Bronson99]

I think SA is about equal for both genders. However, I do think in terms of dating men are at an incredible disadvantage. Men are expected to take charge and initiate (especially in the early stages) and women can usually get by and find a mate with minimal effort.

This might be politically incorrect in some forums (possibly even this one, depending on who's viewing the post) but let's forego all that and just quote it for truth.

 

[Moses199]

if he didn't want this type of reaction then he shouldn't have invited everyone to compare his situation with other people's situations.

Actually i made this thread to see who else had the same problem as me. But i'll have to admit it's my fault for not making that clear and for unwordingly putting "worst" in title because now people will think i'm trying to say i have the worst SA. I should've named the title "Having strong liking for girls makes my SA worse". That's my fault, i accept that.

It was in his last comment before he edited it... but I don't know how you can look at what he hasn't edited out and come to any other conclusion. It seems pretty naive to assume he has an 'above normal amount of desire' (as if this can even be measured), watches cute girls and imagines himself with them/waking up beside them, watches PUA videos where dodgy guys are taking home girls they just met... and yet really only longs to meet that special someone, fall in love and do whatever he can to make sure the relationship works long term.

Yes i do have an 'above normal amount of desire for women', how can you tell me not? i know myself and my problems more than you. I'm not sure if you're women or not, but if you are maybe you're taking offense to what i said about high intimacy drive. And it's ridiculous for you to say that an above normal desire for women can't be measured. Yes it can't be measured in precise results (just like SA can't as well) but the person can know if their intimacy drive is high or not. It's not rocket science. If such thing called "high sex drive" exist so can a high intimacy drive, and for the note i have a very high drive for both.

Most men do not get to be the center of female attention wherever they go, so it's really hard for me (and I suspect most people) to support the conclusion that he's worse off than anyone else with SA. It actually demeans other people's struggles to proclaiming himself to be the biggest SA victim in the world.

Lol you make so many assumptions which i've ALREADY clarified for you but you still not getting it. I didn't mean to say my SA is the worst, and i already told you it's not on my previous post. I would be a crazy person to say i have the worst SA simply because i have an over desire for women. On top of that, i've seen an SA suffer in real-life with much worse SA than me.

 

[Moses199]

On this I can agree, and I wish he had left out the "comparison" thing altogether.

No, not true. I wasn't trying to say my SA is the worst because of this condition. I was saying this condition worsens my SA. But i can see how the title could make people think that. Totally my fault for not writing it correctly.

I know for fact mine isn't worst, but i know it's severe.

 

[Odo]

I guess my point was, pretty much, let's not react in such a moralistic way if he's simply not interested in serious relationships right now (or, possibly, for the foreseeable future.) In fact you yourself even go on to explain that you wouldn't judge a man for being more interested in the short-term side of things.

I'm not judging his intentions... I just don't think it's any kind of tragedy that he can't hook up with whoever he wants to. It's that sense of entitlement that I'm judging. On the other hand, apparently he didn't actually mean that he has it worse than other people, so there you go.

On this I can agree, and I wish he had left out the "comparison" thing altogether. In which case we are still left with a man plagued by desire he feels he cannot do anything about because of the difficulty imposed by SA. As I said before, though, this shouldn't need to be so taboo. Look at it this way, if he said he was mad that his SA was preventing him from doing anything besides "hooking-up," or whatever, no one would have raised their sabre.

I think what he's saying now is that his desires are making his SA worse.

Actually, I'm more likely to call SA into question when someone *is* actually very charming and charismatic with women...

My point was that I don't think you can say you have SA simply because you're not making moves on every woman you find attractive.

 

[Bronson99]

For the OP, then (Moses).. what's a realistic goal for you in this?

I know you said you have a "projection" of a certain swagger, a certain charm when you're among women; but you also know your SA makes this simply unfeasible for you.

What goal can you reasonably see yourself attaining, in the near future?

 

[Moses199]

For the OP, then (Moses).. what's a realistic goal for you in this?

I know you said you have a "projection" of a certain swagger, a certain charm when you're among women; but you also know your SA makes this simply unfeasible for you.

What goal can you reasonably see yourself attaining, in the near future?

I'm not really sure what you mean by projection for a certain swagger. But i don't believe its necessary to perform a superficial personality to attract girls is, if that's what u meant. I believe that i can attract girls with my natural personality. But this impossible having SA because it inhibits me from using my natural personality.

As for goals. I'm not going to lie to you guys, i just want to experiment with different women first, before setting down. I know some think this is unethical, but i feel like all my life i never had a relationship so when the times comes i will need to mess around for a little before settling down. I know people think this is bad, but the way i see it is people don't judge teenager for experimenting with different types of girls before they finally mature and find that one person so why judge someone who never went through that stage in their younger days and want to do it later.

This the case for me. I never had that time to "expermint" with differnt relationships in my teenage and young adult years, so i want to do it when my SA leaves even if i'm old. But who knows, maybe this obsession might demise when i'm old or i might just move on in life for other things. I highly doubt i will though because i have a CRAZY drive for relationship and intimacy.

 

[Moses199]

I'm not judging his intentions... I just don't think it's any kind of tragedy that he can't hook up with whoever he wants to. It's that sense of entitlement that I'm judging. On the other hand, apparently he didn't actually mean that he has it worse than other people, so there you go.

Lol your downplaying my issues but that's okay. I don't expect you to understand it if you're around the asexual spectrum and don't have above normal desire for women. I'm speculating you are a female, that's why you don't understand this so much. Even other men would not understand this who don't have a high drive like me.

What you said is like a normal person without SA saying i don't think it's any kind of tragedy that you never could make connection with people and makes friend.

I'm not sure what SA problems you have but i know you have sense of entitlements too. For some issues you have, i probably havn't gone through them so i don't think you would like it if judge your sense of entitlments - You haven't gone through my issues with high desire of women so don't downplay my entitlements like you wouldn't like someone doing to you.

My point was that I don't think you can say you have SA simply because you're not making moves on every woman you find attractive.

I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but i never said i have SA because i can't get woman. Having high desire for women is actually not the worst of my problems. I have bigger elements to my SA that worse then this current issue. But that's not to say it's small issues and doesn't bother me.

It's silly for you to say this about me if you don't know much about my SA. You should learn more about person then 1 thread they made before coming to a full analysis of the severity of their SA. I wouldn't never do this anyone with SA, i ask questions before coming to conclusions.

Again, i apologize if your message wasn't about me and you can discard everything on this message.

 

[Kiwong]

I find chicks dig a John Cleese silly walk more than a swagger.

 

[Odo]

Lol your downplaying my issues but that's okay. I don't expect you to understand it if you're around the asexual spectrum and don't have above normal desire for women. I'm speculating you are a female, that's why you don't understand this so much. Even other men would not understand this who don't have a high drive like me.

What you said is like a normal person without SA saying i don't think it's any kind of tragedy that you never could make connection with people and makes friend.

If I had a strong desire to have billions of dollars and live like royalty, but told you I couldn't because I have SA, would you think that this was a tragedy? It's probably a bad thing that I feel like I need the money all the time, but I don't think that not having billions of dollars is so uncommon or even difficult that I shouldn't be able to manage without it.

You can't compare your situation to not being able to connect with people in general, because that is something that the majority of people can do easily, and human contact is important for everyone. It is not important or easy for everyone to hook up/be with every attractive person they see.

Furthermore, a lot of people with 'strong desires' only have them because they're not getting what they want. I guess it's possible that you could have some condition that I couldn't possibly relate to, but the odds are you're just a normal sexually frustrated guy who desperately wants to find someone, but can't for various reasons, and it's driving you crazy. There's a HUGE number of guys in that situation online.

People want things, they get what they want, and then they don't want them anymore-- that's how it works. But having unrealistic goals is never going to bring you to that final point.

I'm not sure what SA problems you have but i know you have sense of entitlements too. For some issues you have, i probably havn't gone through them so i don't think you would like it if judge your sense of entitlments - You haven't gone through my issues with high desire of women so don't downplay my entitlements like you wouldn't like someone doing to you.

What do you think I feel entitled to, exactly?

 

[Moses199]

It is not important or easy for everyone to hook up/be with every attractive person they see.

It's important for me and it's easy for me to hook with attractive girl. But of course with SA it's not easy, but there are times when my SA left and it was very easy for me to talk to attractive girls.

but the odds are you're just a normal sexually frustrated guy who desperately wants to find someone, but can't for various reasons, and it's driving you crazy. There's a HUGE number of guys in that situation online.

Lol there u go again downplaying my condition like you been through it. You're like the people i told i have SA and they responded with "your just normal guy shy guy, there's nothing wrong with you". The people that said that to me obviously have not experienced SA, just like how u haven't experience over desire for intimacy and trying to tell me that i'm just normal guy with normal sexual frustration.
You are trying to make it seem like having strong desire for women OR high intimacy drive doesn't exist. Am i right? if so, then you are completely wrong.

People want things, they get what they want, and then they don't want them anymore-- that's how it works. But having unrealistic goals is never going to bring you to that final point.

How are my goals unrealistic? they are realistic and can very much happen. If i overcame my SA (which working on) i can very well start experimenting with various relationships. I don't see how this is unrealistic, unless you think without my SA i'll still be an incompetent guy that that isn't capable of attracting women. This would be false because i naturally i have good social skills and personality (I think most people with SA are like this too).

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Locking this for now because of fighting. We'll sort it out later.