SO OVER THIS Bullsh*t!!!!

Is it just me or does this SA or SP or whatever anyone wants to call it absolutely F>K>N SUCK!!!!

My personal story is irrelevant...what I want to say is I've used a number of techniques and approaches and changed how I feel so many times. I've then ventured back out into the world and been social and I ALWAYS F>K>N END UP BACK WHERE I F>K>N STARTED!!! :mad:::(:

It's so damn frustrating...I mean it's like...I have social anxiety or rather I 'do' social anxiety...I respond to social situations with anxiety. Then I do something...juggling balls, EFT...various NLP processes and change my response to social situations...I gradually expose myself to more and more situations and things begin to go ok and I feel more confident, self-respect and hope that the future really might be ok...

And then I get triggered off by something...someone important asks me to come to a party, New Year's or Christmas or I see someone that I went to high school with and it triggers off the old response and if I can't change it within a week I can't even speak to my Mum or Dad on the phone...

And then I have all these committments. I've been hanging out with friends a fair bit, playing sport with the same teams each week, been talkative with ppl at work etc. AND NOW I CAN"T BE AROUND ANYONE!!! That is so difficult to deal with I wish I had a handgun and could just end it!!!!

Anyone else experienced this?? I'm talking major differences in how you feel and act around others for weeks and months and then slipping back into being totally stuck and unable to speak and look people in the eye??? It's hell on earth...

And then I wonder...is it better to change for a short time than not change at all??

SORRY ABOUT THE RANT ANYONE WHO READS THIS!!!

I'm just letting off steam :s
 

Ignace

Well-known member
How hard it may be, don't give up. I gave up and I'm completely isolated except 4 school. So you got 2 choices here. Risk the same as me, or keep on trying. ;)
 

Speechless

New member
I feel you...i have the same problem...when i think that i'm on a right way to deal with SA, i somehow just go back to where i was...My mood often changes....

For example, every night before i go to sleep i try to convince myself that when i wake up, i will try my best to make my social life better and i really mean that, but when i wake up, i dont have that motivation anymore...everything looks so difficult...
 

mart22n

Well-known member
Hey! I sense some BS right here! I'm sure I posted a long reply to OP about an hour ago...I hope positive posts just sometimes make it through??

BR, Martin
 

mart22n

Well-known member
OK, cool, found my post. Ha - the problem was this "You have included 9 images in your message. You are limited to using 4 images so please go back and correct the problem and then continue again."


Hey D@rwin_dude (I hope I got your name right)

I think I can say something about it that may help...

No need to be sorry about your rant, dude. It's ok to rant, someone might read and reply ;)

I've sort of "been there, done that". Long story short, let me give you some insights that have helped me a LOT!

When you say you fall back to your old anxiety after being more successful...that means those techniques do not deal with or remove the root cause of your anxiety.

When you have hard times talking to your parents on the phone (dude, ain't that familiar), think about it - why? Perhaps you haven't had the courage or possibility to fully trust your parents? to talk to them about your most "crazy" or "weird" problems??

Let me tell you one thing man - you have no "social anxiety"! Remember all this anxiety BS is LABELLING yourself! I wish the word SA never existed...or actually, nah, it exists, and I'm OK with it, perhaps someone might find it useful, but not YOU!! Every time you think you have SA, you're basically telling yourself that you have an illness? A flaw? Something is WRONG with you? Am I right? So as long as you believe this BS from the doctors (who definitely are OK and nice people and are not to be blamed, they just have to give a diagnosis to start the curing process), you really "have your SA" and you will act accordingly!

Man, realize that nothing is and never has been and never will be wrong with you! That has helped me a lot. You are perfect (nice idea I learned from my GF ;))...You already are perfect, and you are discovering your perfection and potential over time, when you take the challenges and you believe in yourself and good things and you survive! I also think there is no need to hurry with taking challenges...take your time. So what that you may have been shy or anxious in the past...it is part of life, of the process, nothing is wrong about it, and never will.


Which takes me to my next point :) - never criticize without trying to understand first! Do not criticize what you have OR HAVE NOT DONE in the past...do NOT criticize what you are doing - there's always been and is a perfectly valid and OK reason why you have or have not done something. As long as you do something and mean good with it, it is always OK IMO and GO FOR IT BABY!

Next point I want to make - love yourself (and others too of course). For me that means that I try to understand my needs and thoughts and fears and wishes - everything about me, and then I try to take care that those wishes get fulfilled and fears get tested against reality to see if some BS is hidden somewhere.

The next point may be a personal viewpoint, but I think that everything is possible and attainable (quite honestly, I haven't believed it very much in the past, but hey, now I seriously think before saying or thinking that I cannot do something, since there is always a solution to every problem, the hard part is that the solution may be hidden behind a fear or some BS belief of ours so we must cut through some BS before reaching that solution)

OK, so - keep it cool and be positive and love yourself and others and actively cut through BS and believe in your abilities and remember you are perfect and do not criticize yourself and trust people and your gut and I hope you're going to be OK (Heh, I know you will)

Love and Best wishes for the New Year,
Martin
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Hey guys, I can relate - it depends on level of energy, for me also on nutrition, and it may be hormonal :) I call it being 'bipolar-ish', kinda moods can go up and down.. Sometimes very happy and energetic and doing things, sometimes down and well, not really doing things.. You can have vitamin/mineral deficiency, or a food allergy/sensitivity etc.

You might wanna check if it's related to anything specific - any triggers? (In environment or food or people around you? And maybe brainstrom how to work around these?) Maybe a food-mood-activity diary could help?
Alcohol or sugar or soda pops can decrease vitamins/minerals and make things worse too..
Did you party or drink alcohol for New Year's? It could be a 'backlash'/hangover.. some people get it worse, some recover more quickly..

Despite EFT you can still be allergic to chemicals in your food or carpeting/environment etc. There are lots of hormonal disrupters and iffy chemicals in everyday objects and food.. And being on computer too much can do iffy things to your brain/body too... So just observe yourself, and see if there are any patterns..

Also, it may be good to accept the fact that to some degree fear and 'fluctuation of mood' may be a part of life and that soon you'll be feeling 'up' again?
New situations may bring 'fear' again, and it just means you're growing, as a person?

What about if you got a flu? Friends would understand that and accept it! You could maybe just say you weren't feeling well or that 'things were busy' or that 'something came up' if needed? Or you could still go, despite not feeling well, and 'brave it' and maybe would feel better then? You don't have to like it or be happy about being with people.. You can 'expect to be miserable' and still go and take a walk or do something relaxing/fun and maybe feel better then!!
 
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Hey guys, thanks for getting back to me...there were some good ideas and good points in there. I actually didn't expect any replies I had just gotten to a point where I basically cracked the sh*ts something chronic and wanted to spew out my anger lol.

Martin you make a great point...It's something I've often reminded myself of when getting back on track to living a more involved life...If we 'have' SA where is it?? If I have an apple I can show it to you, and you can touch it. If I have a disease or cancer it will be visible in my body/blood etc...But with SA or a phobia they aren't actually things they are behaviours...I mean if I have SA I could show it to you, or I could get it cut out or whatever but it isn't a thing...and calling it that is a distortion in language that isn't particularly useful

Which is why I say I do social anxiety as much as I can remember. And then the question becomes 'what exactly am I doing?' and 'how am I doing that?' which reminds me it is a mental behaviour (thinking is a behaviour...it uses neurological circuits the same as physical activity) and if we can change our mental behaviours we can change how we feel around others! =)

Anyway I'm doing quite a bit better right now...I've been back at work for a week, been around my brother a lot and felt good around him and we've been connecting the way we do when things are ok and I even went and played soccer with 10 other guys this afternoon and really felt pretty good...for about 5 minutes I was at around a 4/10 for uptightness...pretty damn good.

I'm going to see how far I can adress my thinking behaviours that are causing my anxiety and change how I feel and free up some more of my life =D

Now this post is getting really long! :s... Oh and feathers I think you make a good point too, it may be something chemical...for the past...2 weeks I've been taking calcium and magnesium and for about a week St John's Wort and they might be helping...hard to pinpoint exactly what has helped coz I've been doing ALOT...as I tend to do...to help my mental state...but hey when I'm good I don't really care what's doing it...I just wanna enoy it :D
 
Hey thanks a lot Martin, Feathers and Dude - there's a lot of good helpful information on here :)

I can also relate to this pretty well :/... it sucks big time.
 

Marund

Active member
Maybe you need to let go of the past; let go of things that trigger ****. Just accept them as triggers. I identify them when you come in contact with them. Stare them in the face.

If you have made all that progress (which i think is amazing :eek:)) know that even if you face triggers, you're still the same person you were when you were chatty and outgoing with your friends. You CAN go back to that mentality and way of being; I know what its like "**** will never change"

Things DO change a lot in subtle ways we just forget about them because time stretches out so long and we lose perspective. Even when you get out there and have to crawl back remember its always 2 steps forwards 1 step back. You're not the same person you were when you were a kid.

I know perfectly well what its like to feel like you're going in circles. Just reflect back on all the little bits of progress you have made. In what subtle ways have you changed? Put an alarm in your phone and reflect on ways things have improved 3 times a day. Slowly your perspective will change.

There are endless possibilities; I know it is hard, but you DO have control. These things dont control you, you do. There is a place in your mind you have no idea is there, that you haven't used; its the ability to ignore triggers. Everything seems relative to your experiences; so its hard to wrap your head around, I know, but just acknowledge that you can stop them from effecting you

All this makes you more of a man because you will have evolved and shapeshifted in your brain. Everyone has demons its just a fact of life. Conquering the demons is the only option so show them some love
 
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LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Mm yes. I also dislike running into someone from highschool, college especially hs. There was a time I was invited to hang out to see a movie with a new friend. Thought it was going to be ok. But not so. Realized they were really good friends with someone from hs, who may have talked negatively about me, witnessed me being uncomfortable, looking depressed at school. When I was driving over it seemed like i was in a good mood but instantly acted the way I did in hs when I ran into this person at the new friends house..should have chilled out lol. It's hard to let go.. best just to enjoy the moments that seem to work out and not let others opinions effect you. They could change and it shouldn't matter.
 
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RhoadsLynch

Member
Is it just me or does this SA or SP or whatever anyone wants to call it absolutely F>K>N SUCK!!!!

My personal story is irrelevant...what I want to say is I've used a number of techniques and approaches and changed how I feel so many times. I've then ventured back out into the world and been social and I ALWAYS F>K>N END UP BACK WHERE I F>K>N STARTED!!! :mad:::(:

It's so damn frustrating...I mean it's like...I have social anxiety or rather I 'do' social anxiety...I respond to social situations with anxiety. Then I do something...juggling balls, EFT...various NLP processes and change my response to social situations...I gradually expose myself to more and more situations and things begin to go ok and I feel more confident, self-respect and hope that the future really might be ok...

And then I get triggered off by something...someone important asks me to come to a party, New Year's or Christmas or I see someone that I went to high school with and it triggers off the old response and if I can't change it within a week I can't even speak to my Mum or Dad on the phone...

And then I have all these committments. I've been hanging out with friends a fair bit, playing sport with the same teams each week, been talkative with ppl at work etc. AND NOW I CAN"T BE AROUND ANYONE!!! That is so difficult to deal with I wish I had a handgun and could just end it!!!!

Anyone else experienced this?? I'm talking major differences in how you feel and act around others for weeks and months and then slipping back into being totally stuck and unable to speak and look people in the eye??? It's hell on earth...

And then I wonder...is it better to change for a short time than not change at all??

SORRY ABOUT THE RANT ANYONE WHO READS THIS!!!

I'm just letting off steam :s

Darwin, you basically typed out my life story. I get better, then regress and feel like I made no progress. I swear my anxiety has A.I. For instance, it started with shyness with strangers ( has improved a bit but....), then I had fear of heart attacks, imsomnia, choking and gagging attacks, thought i had cancer, separation anxiety, body symptoms AGAIN, and now it's strangers (new job and changes in life REALLY throw me for a loop) yet again. I feel your pain.
 

Streifen

Well-known member
Like others have posted, I know this routine all too well myself. I feel like a parasite living off of my family and getting out on my own seems to take such a gargantuan effort. There are no jobs or opportunities that are within close reach of me (by bike or walking because I can't drive ::(:) so I go far out (usually via college or a roommate) to go where the opportunities are - and do very well for awhile - but can't keep up the momentum, things fall through and fearing ending up in a shelter (prior bad experience), I choose to go back home, right where I started from. It's almost been a year since I most recently had to return and sometimes I find myself moping that my 27th year feels completely wasted and if only I had been stronger, I still could have been out on my own, living life right now. It has prompted me to really look at the way I have done things and what causes me to trip up every time. I would like to get out again this year and do not want to repeat the same mistakes.
 

Shift Happens

New member
Pretty cool story. I'm trying out this program called Ultimate Confidence that seems pretty legit, so I'll let you know how it goes and if it helps me with my social anxiety =)
 
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