Yes....please don't tell them im hiding out here!
So I finally got PAROLED from Mental Prison
- Thread starter Phobologist
- Start date
Yes....please don't tell them im hiding out here!
It sounds like you have atelophobia - fear of being a loser - which is one of the subtypes of Generalized Social Phobia. Am I correct?
The problem is that you need others to reaffirm your self-image and without their doing so your self-esteem collapses. You have a phobia (If I was right) about being defective in general. This naturaly has lead to a secondary phobia of other people, because you fear they will confirm your worthlessness.
In order to maintain this system of thought, you must harbor several supporting beliefs. These beliefs are vulnerable to critical analysis if you expose them. All beliefs have evidence, and evidence can be refuted. You probably believe that:
1. Your "unacceptable" behavior can be attributed only to your person, rather than to something impersonal and out of your control, such as GSAD.
2. Others have the qualifications and the desire to judge you.
3. You are a special sufferer of Social Phobia unlike the rest in your "deficits". No one you respect and admire could possibly suffer from the SAME EXACT problems as you, because only "freaks" have your illness.
4. Being alone for the rest of your life is an unacceptable possibility. You are not willing to discover that there is absolutely no hope for recovery by undertaking a risky therapy which may actualy confirm your worst fears.
5. There is no possibility that people may accept your "secrets" more readily after getting to know you. The idea of "personal information" - information which is for trusted people only - is nonsensical, because anything which one cannot relate at the beginning of a relationship must be utterly damning.
Was I correct about these beliefs? Do you feel that these ideas are valid? If so, we need to examine and debunk the evidence supporting these ideas. This is how I was paroled.
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Oh crap, Sauron! I should have known!
Nicholas
Well-known member
No. I AM a loser. I am just ashamed of it, because I don't want to be this way. Even if I was willing to admit it and tell everyone the truth, I would still be a loser, and nothing would change. I would be ridiculed, I would make it worse, it wouldn't bring any major change. The only change that needs to be made is about my situation: improving myself and my life.
What you suggest only works once you are not a real loser anymore, but you are only afraid you might be considered so because you are different.
Oh really?
I used to be just like you until a week ago. Just ask anyone here how bad I was! It was only by facing my worst fear - that I am a loser - that I was able to realize that perhaps, just perhaps, I might not be. By facing your fear I mean actively trying to prove it isn't valid using CBT methods, while recognizing that you could fail and actualy verify your phobia. Once you start to believe that you are not responsible for your "defects", the idea that you are a loser seems less credible. Then you can use other therapies to help build your self-worth a little bit. If others criticize you, and you are not neccessarily a loser, and you have some self-worth, then SO WHAT?