So embarassed...

[emre43]

My counsellor gave me a number to phone for a local charity that supports people with mental health problems. She advised me to attend a building self-esteem course. I rang up this charity and the person on the other said "Hello, Wendy speaking from Community Wellbeing". I replied by telling her my name and explaining that I would like to attend a Building Self-Esteem course. She then said "Tom, it's Wendy, your auntie". I had no idea that she worked there; she's been sacked so many times I can't keep track. I felt so embarassed, now my aunt knows that I have low self-esteem and next time I see her at a family party or social event she is going to associate me with mental health problems. She even suggested that maybe a social communication course would be better for me. ::

 

[MikeyC]

I can see why you're embarrassed, but maybe that'll be a good opportunity for you to speak out a bit more to your aunt. This might be a blessing in disguise.

 

[Section_31]

ohhhh ouch! *facepalm*

Thats so awkward. Im sorry Emre.

Maybe it will turn out to be more help than hinderance?

 

[Mickery]

Something I've found very useful as an exercise is that when you encounter an awkward situation that seems to you like you've said or done the wrong thing, or otherwise have something to be embarrassed about, try impartially considering where the fault may really lie. After all, it's our natural inclination to lay it all on ourselves.

For instance, I think she has more cause to be embarrassed than you do. It wasn't a very professional thing to do and it wasn't a very smart thing either. Most people in that position would either pretend they don't know you or transfer the call to someone else. You didn't do anything wrong, she did, but you're taking the hit.

That doesn't help much, but it's still relevant advice I wanted to throw out there. I think MikeyC is right, you can't undo it so you may as well try to run with it. Or don't bring it up and hope she doesn't either.

 

[emre43]

Something I've found very useful as an exercise is that when you encounter an awkward situation that seems to you like you've said or done the wrong thing, or otherwise have something to be embarrassed about, try impartially considering where the fault may really lie. After all, it's our natural inclination to lay it all on ourselves.

For instance, I think she has more cause to be embarrassed than you do. It wasn't a very professional thing to do and it wasn't a very smart thing either. Most people in that position would either pretend they don't know you or transfer the call to someone else. You didn't do anything wrong, she did, but you're taking the hit.

That doesn't help much, but it's still relevant advice I wanted to throw out there. I think MikeyC is right, you can't undo it so you may as well try to run with it. Or don't bring it up and hope she doesn't either.

I suppose you're right I didn't do anything wrong. It's not surprising that she keeps getting sacked either.

 

[Silatuyok]

^I agree, she really should have handled that more professionally. I once saw my therapist in the airport, and he was even on my plane with me. He did NOT walk up to me and say, "Hey! It's me! Your therapist!"

 

[MikeyC]

I once saw my therapist in the airport, and he was even on my plane with me. He did NOT walk up to me and say, "Hey! It's me! Your therapist!"

That would've been the most awkward meeting in history because you can't simply get up and leave, either. I'm glad he didn't do that, either!

 

[emre43]

That would've been the most awkward meeting in history because you can't simply get up and leave, either. I'm glad he didn't do that, either!

If I saw my ex-counsellor at the airport I would do anything to make sure that I did speak to her.

 

[emre43]

She just sent an application form to my house and wrote confidential on the envelope. Now my parents are on my back about what the letter contained.

 

[MikeyC]

She just sent an application form to my house and wrote confidential on the envelope. Now my parents are on my back about what the letter contained.

Wow, you can't win, can you?

If it was addressed to you, would your parents open it? My parents don't open letters or packages with my name on it, so writing "confidential" on it has probably done more harm. Hopefully your parents will forget about it.

 

[emre43]

Wow, you can't win, can you?

If it was addressed to you, would your parents open it? My parents don't open letters or packages with my name on it, so writing "confidential" on it has probably done more harm. Hopefully your parents will forget about it.

They wouldn't have bothered about it apart from the fact that it said confidential on it. My aunt asked me yesterday if I wanted my parents to know about it and I said no. I assumed she meant when she talks to her on the phone next or something, but I didn't expect her to write that on it.

 

[MikeyC]

They wouldn't have bothered about it apart from the fact that it said confidential on it. My aunt asked me yesterday if I wanted my parents to know about it and I said no. I assumed she meant when she talks to her on the phone next or something, but I didn't expect her to write that on it.

I'm thinking that she thought that by writing "confidential" on it, it would stop your parents from accidentally opening it, but it has now caused more of a stir than it should've.

 

[Silatuyok]

They wouldn't have bothered about it apart from the fact that it said confidential on it. My aunt asked me yesterday if I wanted my parents to know about it and I said no. I assumed she meant when she talks to her on the phone next or something, but I didn't expect her to write that on it.

I'm surprised she didn't write, "from your auntie: CONFIDENTIAL"

 

[Predacon]

I know I wouldn't any of my extended family knowing that, not that I care what they individually think, but they'd be sure to spread around and its hard enough to talk to them as it is.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I'm surprised she didn't write, "from your auntie: CONFIDENTIAL"

It could have been worse. She could have sent it in an envelope with something like:

"If undelivered, please return to "Community Wellbeing (Mental Health Resources)..." on the back.

 

[kilojoule]

Hmmm I've thought about it and really I think that the biggest problem with these community things is that all too often people from the community are involved...hmmm

But actually emre this is a perfect opportunity to use some of that CBT we all hear so much about from our therapists.

Instead of thinking "oh no aunt Wendy is thinking that Im a big weirdo and she'll always look at me funny and now ill have to avoid family occasions and then my parents will get on my case and we'll fight and then I'll get angry with them and shout "fine Ill just move out then!!!" and then they'll say fine"fine!!!" and then I'll be homeless and become an alcoholic and people will steal my shoes...all because stupid aunt Wendy answered the phone...

OR
You could think:

For Aunt Wendy to work there she'll have had to do training so she has some understanding and compassion for me.

Aunt Wendy made a suggestion to do the other course because she gave it thought

Aunt Wendy meets all the people who come in and out of this place every day so she knows lots of people have esteem issues and Im not a weirdo

Maybe aunt Wendy herself has experience with esteem and that's why she was suitable for the job there

Aunt Wendy will be kind and show discretion and will behave with understanding toward me

Aunt Wendy alerted me to her identity on the phone so that
I wouldn't get a terrible shock when I turned up there for class


But aside from all this emre the thing that most stands out here is the fact that you took on and followed through on the suggestion made by your counselor. That is a big credit to you and one of the things I really like about you is that you do take on advice and you do try to be proactive and you have the right attitude. So I think that's what you can take from this.

 

[emre43]

Hmmm I've thought about it and really I think that the biggest problem with these community things is that all too often people from the community are involved...hmmm

But actually emre this is a perfect opportunity to use some of that CBT we all hear so much about from our therapists.

Instead of thinking "oh no aunt Wendy is thinking that Im a big weirdo and she'll always look at me funny and now ill have to avoid family occasions and then my parents will get on my case and we'll fight and then I'll get angry with them and shout "fine Ill just move out then!!!" and then they'll say fine"fine!!!" and then I'll be homeless and become an alcoholic and people will steal my shoes...all because stupid aunt Wendy answered the phone...

OR
You could think:

For Aunt Wendy to work there she'll have had to do training so she has some understanding and compassion for me.

Aunt Wendy made a suggestion to do the other course because she gave it thought

Aunt Wendy meets all the people who come in and out of this place every day so she knows lots of people have esteem issues and Im not a weirdo

Maybe aunt Wendy herself has experience with esteem and that's why she was suitable for the job there

Aunt Wendy will be kind and show discretion and will behave with understanding toward me

Aunt Wendy alerted me to her identity on the phone so that
I wouldn't get a terrible shock when I turned up there for class


But aside from all this emre the thing that most stands out here is the fact that you took on and followed through on the suggestion made by your counselor. That is a big credit to you and one of the things I really like about you is that you do take on advice and you do try to be proactive and you have the right attitude. So I think that's what you can take from this.

You're right. Think positive. I do think that naturally I am a positive person, I rarely get depressed or downbeat about anything but when I am anxious about something I can only envisage the potential bad things. It usually takes somebody else to tell me the good that can come from things. So thanks .