Snobbery in jobs, friendship, relationships. Discuss.

[Waybuloo]

Are you or is anyone you know a snob? More specifically do you not want to associate with someone on a social level, because they work in more 'lowly' jobs? When having a conversation with someone, do you not want to keep talking because they are not as able, rich, smart etc?

I don't know why but I used to instinctively, and still do if I don't catch myself, be ashamed of admitting i'm friends with someone who isn't academic, cool, or in a great career. Especially career. And I would discount people who have a lower background than average before getting to know them. Is that weird, or is it common though frowned upon. Or is it accepted?

I watched the series This Life not long ago, and felt that outside of fiction, the social situation and composition of the characters would be out of place. A bunch of lawyers rent a place together, they befriend a courier delivery guy, one of the lawyers falls in love with a drug addict bum, and they seem to be not bothered about that. In fact I thought that lawyers out of all people would be snobs.

 

[Cynic]

Are you or is anyone you know a snob? More specifically do you not want to associate with someone on a social level, because they work in more 'lowly' jobs? When having a conversation with someone, do you not want to keep talking because they are not as able, rich, smart etc?

I don't know why but I used to instinctively, and still do if I don't catch myself, be ashamed of admitting i'm friends with someone who isn't academic, cool, or in a great career. Especially career. And I would discount people who have a lower background than average before getting to know them. Is that weird, or is it common though frowned upon. Or is it accepted?

That is the norm everywhere.

 

[Feathers]

I don't like snobbish behavior some people are, but I don't like the snobbishness...

I used to be somewhat snobby in my first year of Uni maybe, or maybe even later, felt 'above' my then-bf and some others who couldn't stick to a job or study, and then later on it happened to me too.. so I now say 'watch who you are judging' because it may happen to you too... (my mom was the same and she was then punished with kids who didn't have jobs too!!)

I was also intrigued by 'the underdog' though too, like intrigued by the bums or 'lower strata of society' (though a bit intimidated of them too haha) easier to read about 'the wild side of life' or see it in movies/theatre/cabaret..

In later years of Uni, I remember sitting on the stairs with a classmate for hours, debating if a bunch of our classmates were 'yuppies' lol.. and then we found an article about 'milkies' or something like that and we were devastated cause we lost the theory haha.. (we came to the conclusion that everyone wearing beige jeans/trousers was a yuppie beforehand, that couldn't sit on stairs )

I was an 'A student' and 'good girl' and my first bf was a 'free spirit' hippie-type who experimented with alcohol and drugs - it was a bit of a rebellion maybe and fascination with 'the other side' - didn't last long though... I can understand the attraction though..

I've met all sorts of people. And some of the smartest people I know only have primary school or secondary school.. (including my dad, uncle, neighbours... grandma and grandpa... there were just no opportunities then, for them) So I think snobbishness is only attractive in Pride & Prejudice (book or film).

Life is much too exotic and intricate and there is soo much variety.. some educated people with great careers can be pricks, some 'educated' can be really smart or wise... My Grandma was a cleaning lady and she is one of the wisest and most caring people I know. Started writing poetry when she retired etc. So never pre-estimate someone by how much they earn or what they do...

Some lawyers are very different too - some are just 'normal people', others are more snobbish.. How many do you know personally? The most snobbish people I've known were (some) architects/designers/drama students.. (some were pretty okay and just 'normal people' though too) also some of the snobbery maybe was just insecurity really..

I don't know many snobbish people, or at least I'm not aware of it!! Though I might just stay away from those.. self-protecting maybe..? There may be some tendencies.. Or maybe I am secretly a snob too and that's why I've been so miserable over my current problems?!!
Waybuloo, I had no idea you were of the snobbish kind? /runs away and hides/
Good thread tho.

 

[BlueDays]

Life is much too exotic and intricate and there is soo much variety.. some educated people with great careers can be pricks, some 'educated' can be really smart or wise... My Grandma was a cleaning lady and she is one of the wisest and most caring people I know. Started writing poetry when she retired etc. So never pre-estimate someone by how much they earn or what they do...

^This is so true!

You can miss out on knowing some really amazing people by judging and then ignoring people based on external things, like what they do for a living!

 

[joyce]

yes my cousin she gets better grades and she has a bf so she tries to show off alot

 

[superfluouslyme]

I try not to, but I do catch myself being snobbish at times. It's usually when I am feeling threatened in some way and I need to knock others down a peg or two.

 

[Waybuloo]

I was also intrigued by 'the underdog' though too, like intrigued by the bums or 'lower strata of society' (though a bit intimidated of them too haha) easier to read about 'the wild side of life' or see it in movies/theatre/cabaret..

I don't know many snobbish people, or at least I'm not aware of it!! Though I might just stay away from those.. self-protecting maybe..? There may be some tendencies.. Or maybe I am secretly a snob too and that's why I've been so miserable over my current problems?!!
Waybuloo, I had no idea you were of the snobbish kind? /runs away and hides/
Good thread tho.

Don't worry Feathers, there's more sides to me than just snobbery. I suspect I got that passed down to me by my Mum, including seeing her being a snob to my Dad on a daily basis, it must've rubbed off. I also like to stick up for the underdog, it's like an instinct when I see injustice, that emotion is stronger than anything else for me, well other than shame and anxiety associated with SA.

I do realise that some rich people I know in the past are snobs, and are really insecure about keeping up with the jones and all that jazz. That must stem from insecurity. A lot of immigrants can also be snobs and really materialistic, because that's the kind of thinking where they come from. They are nobody unless they have a great career, wealth, or married to someone rich or good looking. It can also be complex. I've had a good friend in high school who befriended adn socialised with everywhere no matter who they were, but she picks at people's traits which she thought were below par. And she thought I must be rich if I lived in a good suburb whereas she didn't, and always remarked about that. I understood why she was like that when I met her mum.

But I understand if you don't want to talk to me again Feathers

 

[BlackPuma]

Nope, I am anything but snobbish. Don't really know anyone who is, now that I think about it.

I wouldn't care if my friend was a president/king of a wealthy country, or a prostitute in a back alley. The only thing I care about is how they treat me, and people in general.

Ironically, the only people I'd rather not associate with are snobs. :: Though, only when it's a very dominant characteristic in their personality, otherwise I wouldn't care. :3

 

[Cynic]

I do realise that some rich people I know in the past are snobs

Most of the snobs I've known were working-class folk who looked down on other working-class folk less fortunate than themselves. I've actually met more open minded folk within the middle-class.

I must admit I can be an intellectual snob, because of my low tolerance of ignorant tw@s who think they're it.

 

[Feathers]

He he Waybuloo, I thought it was the other way around.

(I do know why you've been ignoring me now tho )

Well, I can understand that parents who want 'better things' for the kids can sort of 'create new snobs' (or snob-haters haha..) And oh gosh rich neighbourhood.. whoa.. That explains a lot too Only lived in a 'middle class/working class' environment.. we were all socialistic and 'one class only' officially in the old system anyway.. and officially we all hated the rich people haha.. (they did lots of gruesome things in the books we read as kids ) Some people in my country are very materialistic and money-grabbing these days, some even rich (some illegally or borderline illegal, destroying companies etc) so being rich has a bad name where I come from, haha.. It really depends on the person though.
There is some 'middle class/working class snobbery' but with so many people losing jobs etc, how can anyone be snobbish about this anymore?

Puma - wow.. Well, I think I would be intimidated by kings/presidents and prostitutes.. all these examples are kinda extreme.. I've talked to MPs in the past and was cool about it.. It was kinda informal tho.. Now that I'm in the eco projects it seems to be more important and I'm more intimidated haha..

Cynic - I'm not an intellectual snob, because I enjoy some 'light' literature and such too.. And cause I know intelligence alone is no guarantee for anything.. And like beauty, it's mostly genes and partly environment, and not necessarily much self-activity.. Some of the loveliest and nicest and really open-minded and accepting and honest people have gone to 'special' schools and are very loving, caring and overall awesome..

 

[Minty]

I often feel like I'm being snobbish to others because I don't talk. I feel like that's how others perceive me even though I know I'm not snobbish at all.

Ironically, throughout my school years, the majority of people who befriended me and saw through my hard outer shell were people who were outcasts and were rejected socially. I think they saw my quietness not as snobbery but as emotional discomfort.

 

[Cynic]

Only lived in a 'middle class/working class' environment.. we were all socialistic and 'one class only' officially in the old system anyway.. and officially we all hated the rich people haha.. (they did lots of gruesome things in the books we read as kids )

When you say "the rich", do you refer to the political/corporate elite class, kings etc.? People often confuse definitions of "the rich", to mean celebs, millionaires, local business owners, their own bosses etc. whereas I refer to "the rich" as being the ruling class, and those who control resources as opposed to the Middle-Class, who while they do own more than the working-class, I don't think of them as "the rich". I think of the latter as those who control the wealth, and political decisions etc.

Was that the rich class that your Middle-Class community hated too?

I think I would be intimidated by kings/presidents and prostitutes.. all these examples are kinda extreme.. I've talked to MPs in the past and was cool about it

I've only spoken to one MP - George Galloway on his own radio phone-in. That's in the UK for anyone who doesn't know.

Cynic - I'm not an intellectual snob, because I enjoy some 'light' literature and such too

I'm not an out-and-out intellectual snob either. Despite my tolerance for wilfull ignorance, I do have my dumbed-down moments and am in touch with street culture too.

And cause I know intelligence alone is no guarantee for anything.. And like beauty, it's mostly genes and partly environment, and not necessarily much self-activity.. Some of the loveliest and nicest and really open-minded and accepting and honest people have gone to 'special' schools and are very loving, caring and overall awesome..

I went to 'special' schools too, but ended up resenting those who dragged me down.

 

[Waybuloo]

Most of the snobs I've known were working-class folk who looked down on other working-class folk less fortunate than themselves. I've actually met more open minded folk within the middle-class.

I must admit I can be an intellectual snob, because of my low tolerance of ignorant tw@s who think they're it.

Yeah come to think of it I see a lot of snobs in the working class. That MUST stem from insecurity. Ironically middle-class people are often born into stability and a more varied mental outlook on life than just money money money, hence they don't need to prove themselves as much. When I said I know of rich people who are snobs, I must clarify that they were Australians, hence the concept of class is pretty non-existent. Money and status are more predominant objects of desire. These rich people were self made men, or in the case of one, a result of a life long diet on raw salads and old bread thrown away from bakeries. This was a man who stole sugar satchets from McDonalds and kept them in his house as sugar supply.

He he Waybuloo, I thought it was the other way around.

(I do know why you've been ignoring me now tho )

Well, I can understand that parents who want 'better things' for the kids can sort of 'create new snobs' (or snob-haters haha..) And oh gosh rich neighbourhood.. whoa.. That explains a lot too Only lived in a 'middle class/working class' environment.. we were all socialistic and 'one class only' officially in the old system anyway.. and officially we all hated the rich people haha.. (they did lots of gruesome things in the books we read as kids ) Some people in my country are very materialistic and money-grabbing these days, some even rich (some illegally or borderline illegal, destroying companies etc) so being rich has a bad name where I come from, haha.. It really depends on the person though.
There is some 'middle class/working class snobbery' but with so many people losing jobs etc, how can anyone be snobbish about this anymore?

Feathers I've not been ignoring anyone not the least you. My account has been weird since i've come back preventing me posting most of the time as the page fails to load. It seems to have been fixed now.

I agree about the current economic climate overturning snobbery on its head. I wonder if a well off snob loses everything in the recession, will he be humbled or will he go into self denial and drink..

 

[ilmatross]

I could never be a snob

My life perspective is this; you don't know anyone. You never will. You don't know their past, their experiences, their hurt. Even if they're snobby themselves or an *******. They probably hide hurt behind the snide comments. Try to be everyones friend for as long as you can to try to break that wall they have up. You'll make a connection, something real. Which is so rare in life to really share something with another human being. You'd be surprised who turns out to be the best of friends.

This applies to social niceties as well. If someone is assumed a loser what kind of ****ing friend are you to not associate with him/her publicly? No friend I'd want.

Life is too short to deal with bull****. I only surround myself with real, honest people. People who want to risk getting close in a friendship.

I know that wasn't exactly on topIc but it's all relative

 

[Waybuloo]

I could never be a snob

My life perspective is this; you don't know anyone. You never will. You don't know their past, their experiences, their hurt. Even if they're snobby themselves or an *******. They probably hide hurt behind the snide comments. Try to be everyones friend for as long as you can to try to break that wall they have up. You'll make a connection, something real. Which is so rare in life to really share something with another human being. You'd be surprised who turns out to be the best of friends.

This applies to social niceties as well. If someone is assumed a loser what kind of ****ing friend are you to not associate with him/her publicly? No friend I'd want.

Life is too short to deal with bull****. I only surround myself with real, honest people. People who want to risk getting close in a friendship.

I know that wasn't exactly on topIc but it's all relative

I really like everything you've said. I admit I'm a snob sometimes, but that's something i'm trying to overcome and i'm learning. Having met some real nice people as well as some who surprised me with their kindness, I I didn't expect it out of snobbery. The lesson is to not judge anyone without taking a walk in their shoes.

I asked this because I'm genuinely curious about this attitude and how normal that is in the context of general society, and in specific social backgrounds.

 

[ilmatross]

I really like everything you've said. I admit I'm a snob sometimes, but that's something i'm trying to overcome and i'm learning. Having met some real nice people as well as some who surprised me with their kindness, I I didn't expect it out of snobbery. The lesson is to not judge anyone without taking a walk in their shoes.

I asked this because I'm genuinely curious about this attitude and how normal that is in the context of general society, and in specific social backgrounds.

I'm not judging you as I said try to be everyones friend because everyone deserves a chance, a second chance, and then maybe more.

I just don't want to lose out on someone who has the potential to impact my life in an amazing way because I thought they weren't worth the time or they werent thought highly enough socially.

 

[Hamelech]

Sometimes I can pretend I'm snob, but only to have fun pulling somebody's leg, but not believing I'm actually better than the others.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

No but people assume I'm a snob since I don't speak often. They must think that I feel "above" them.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Waybuloo, I was actually kidding!! (a bit)

I know it's sometimes difficult to answer all VMs or such hehe..
(I was just shocked over you statement of being a self-proclaimed snob )
Here, most anyone would probably deny it anyway...

Cynic, in socialism/communism A LOT of people were considered 'the filthy rich' - haven't you read about it, or watch Evita Peron (she says, 'I hate the middle classes!') or anything about Chinese cultural revolution or such? (in China, a lot of antiques, old books, schools, etc were destroyed in the name of 'progress'...)

Anyone who wasn't a 'worker' was snubbed (or even persecuted) - that included wealthy farmers or sometimes educated people or anyone who 'thought differently'.. The idea was to make a 'one class society' where everyone would be 'equal' - but some people were 'more equal than others'... (like politicians or those near the centers of decision-making..) Art was only useful as far as it promoted the socialist ideals/propaganda etc. Of course it was way worse in some other countries as here, and by 1970s or so, it all became pretty 'mainstream' and not so 'radical', but there are still resentments in some people (like some farmers still angry at city dwellers & decision-makers etc)
We have 'turbo capitalism' now, and many times, 'rich' are admired, or hated (because they ruined companies or such and bought yachts) so obviously there's some resentment against that thoo..

 

[imnai]

I think snobbish-ness stems from an inability to see another life view and can be seen across all social-strata. I've had a few people hate he simply on the basis that I am the antithesis of their defined social norm; .i.e. a welfare recipient. Can't say the hating doesn't hurt but if I an excluded on the basis of something like that, not someone i want to be associating with anyway.