Shyness = less of a man?

[combat]

Thank you Recluse! I am afraid I judge myself much worse than others do... Maybe it's an SA thing? Or just lack of self esteem... IDK?

You quite likely are much more critical of yourself than anyone else is. This is something we tend to build up in our heads. I think it is definitely a self-esteem issue, at least for me personally it has been. I've built up a lot of self-esteem over the years and it has helped me tremendously to be less self-critical. I still have plenty of issues, but not nearly as many as, say, 6 or 7 years ago.

 

[recluse]

Thank you Recluse! I am afraid I judge myself much worse than others do... Maybe it's an SA thing? Or just lack of self esteem... IDK?

I think that it's our lack of self esteem to blame. we do tend to self judge more than anything.

 

[userremoved]

I think that it's our lack of self esteem to blame. we do tend to self judge more than anything.

Not only that but every once in a while we will get judged unfairly by a person, which only causes us to actually believe the bad things we think all the more. I've gotten some positive affirmation from people here but I think it would help a lot to get it from people without SA. Though I'm probably dreaming if I expect that.

 

[very_shy]

Do you think shyness makes me less of a man? How about living at home at my age of 28?

I don't think so. If the others think so, this is their problem. Why making you unnecessary costs, and pretending you being some one else?

There is a nice (more or less well known) story, which can make us being more brave and actually love our shyness.

Three mothers went for water to the well. An old man joins them. Then the first mother starts praising her son: "My son is so kind, he sings amazingly!". The next mother starts :"My son is so sweet, he dances in a way you can stare at him all the time". The third mother remains quiet.
The mothers fill the buckets with water and are on their way back home. Suddenly three young men appear. The first is singing, the second is dancing. The third one comes to his mother, and takes her full buckets on his arms home.
The mothers then ask the old man, if he saw their sons.
He replies: "Sons? Where? I only saw one of them."

 

[jayo]

I know what you mean Recluse!

Not just shyness though is it - it's acute shyness, timidity, fear, learned helplessness, anxiety, inferiority and so on which makes us less than real men.

I look at guys I went to school with on facebook living in California with wives and kids and good jobs and think why them and not me - always come back to shyness and the things I mentioned above - so yes, I think we achieve less than men without these constraints. ::

 

[recluse]

It sure is awful. Being shy makes life so hard for me and basically it makes life not worth living.

 

[Nocer]

recluse,

a man is aloud to be shy however you can only be less of a man if one does not live up to his own responsibilities

 

[recluse]

I'm sick of having this curse. I could handle being just shy but being scared of everyone is hell!

 

[hoddesdon]

No, it does not, since that does not compare apples with apples. That proposition would only hold water were there no genetic medical condition. The ones who say so do not have a medical condition.

Think of the times when you have done things even though it was really hard for you. Could the people who claim that have done the same with the same medical condition?

 

[Lost_Soul]

iam 27 and have just moved back home and iam shy and quiet and it does make me feel less of a man......hardly feel manly at all with social phobia, shyness etc......find it hard to work and communicating with ppl...........just feel like a little boy n a loser lol, i think most girls would prefer a manly man whos loud n can hold a job or at least be normal.

 

[ripewithdecay]

You ever see people who are clearly on the shy side, but also quite confident in themselves?
It's like they can get away with just saying a few words but nobody ever thinks less of them because they carry themselves in a strong way.
I think it's all in the body language that determines a real man.

 

[recluse]

I wish i could be that person ripe, i wish i could be kind of like Clint Eastwood in his cowboy films who says little but fears nothing. Instead i'm just an insecure little kid who lets things bother him, and cares too much about what people think.

 

[userremoved]

I guess you'll have to get to a point when you care a lot less what people think. That's what I'm trying to do. It's a lot easier to be yourself and even like yourself when you just finally say to hell with what people think. Really IMO the only people we should care that much about are those who we know we can depend on, like close family and friends or a significant other if you've got one.

 

[wayfarerfree]

"Would you consider a woman "less feminine" if she's chatty and outgoing?
Would you consider a woman "more feminine" if she's shy?
Not really. It's just her personality. And it works both ways."

"You ever see people who are clearly on the shy side, but also quite confident in themselves?"
Couldnt agree more with the above.

I empathise, Recluse, Im sort of in the same boat.
But, if there are people out there that think less of you for the things you mention, then, my secret is this: they are exactly the people whose opinion does not matter.
Not at all. Not even half a %. Nada. Zip.

Thanks too for some of the responses on here.
Im not happy with my situation either, so Ive got to be the one to change it.
It is cheaper though, living at home. Its ok IF you get on with your family...
And also, its hard to find the nice, thoughtful shy girls if you cant get out of the house.
Where do they go?

 

[ripewithdecay]

I wish i could be that person ripe, i wish i could be kind of like Clint Eastwood in his cowboy films who says little but fears nothing. Instead i'm just an insecure little kid who lets things bother him, and cares too much about what people think.

The fact that you can admit your weaknesses like that means you're definitely on the right path. You're aware that they don't define you as a person and it bothers you, that's good. Now try accepting those weaknesses and try to find out what you can do about them.

 

[recluse]

I don't know how to accept my weaknesses.

 

[Johno]

Very difficult question to answer.... I think it's important to forget your situation.. Be open to hardship. .....

 

[Johno]

Ok , I understand it all.

 

[Johno]

I like a good chat........

 

[Johno]

OK , It happen's ...... Cheer's.....