Should I talk to her about social phobia?

[xnn]

I am a 32 year old male, still leaving at my parents and never been in a relationship. Never ever been together or close to a girl at all. I don't see how it's possible for someone like me to get a girl. I am ugly and can't talk and people threat me like garbage.

Anyway, I have a chronic desease. The doctors don't know that I have social phobia (if it doesnt show?). I havent worked for months. I was sendt to a social worker and been going to her since april. She's around 30 year old and she's really beautiful. That off course made it hard to open. But she's so nice, and talk to me, smiles to me. She doesnt give up on me, even when I sit there can't say a thing, look down on the floor, red in my face, sweating and don't know what to say.

I wonder if I shoud talk to her about my social phobia? Maybe she can help me. I never talked to anyone about my fear for people and how other people makes me feel. I know this can be hard, but I trust her and don't think she will judge me.

 

[WalkAlone]

I think it is a good idea. Go for it. Social anxiety isn't as crazy as you think. Everybody has felt it at one time or another. based on your description I think she'll understand and help you a little.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Yes

Yes, I think you should. I know it's very difficult to open up to people about this, but going into more depth into your issues with her might enable her to better help you. Good luck, I definitely think you should talk about it.

 

[Selenio]

i think she already saw you have some problem so i think you can say it.

 

[TreeBones]

I think it is a good idea. Go for it. Social anxiety isn't as crazy as you think. Everybody has felt it at one time or another. based on your description I think she'll understand and help you a little.

^ this. Good luck

 

[R3K]

exposing/revealing the "disease" is a big step in the endless (unwinnable?) battle against social phobia. it can help or it can hinder, depending on the situation. I made do on my own until I was about 28 before I opened up to friends/family about it. but i'm finding that seeing my parents' and friends' reaction to my revealing it, has given me different perspectives and angles to combat this constant, indomitable intangible enemy (social phobia.) it feels a little like progress in the fact that I can reveal a deep, personal thing to others without intense anxiety backlash neither instant nor delayed. so for my particular position it helped.

ultimately, in your situation, i'd say go ahead and tell her and get your time/money's worth of the sessions you're having with her. she's not gonna go on your facebook and expose it to the rest of the world and laugh at you or anything heinous. it's her job, and i'm sure she's heard these things from many ppl.

 

[Diend]

If society treated mental disease the same way they did physical diseases, things wouldn't be this way. We also tend to feel embarrassed of our shortcomings instead of showing compassion for them. People tend to blame the individual but the problem can be caused by external forces like an abusive parent for example.

 

[xnn]

Thanks for the replies.
I don't know if I gonna do this. I have an appointment with her wednesday. I have not talked to anyone about this, maybe I should do it and get some help or support. She is very nice to talk to. But also like I said she's beautiful and I am attracted to her.

Offcourse she may know that I have social phobia by the way I act.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think you should absolutely talk to her about it!

Once the topic is opened up, I'm sure there will be all sorts of resources available for you through her.
It's always hard to ask for help... but I always ask myself; 'what have I got to lose at this point?'

Your worker has likely known people in similar positions as you, so you probably won't be the first and definitely won't be the last so if you feel good about it in the moment, I think you should just say it and get it out there! It'll be a huge weight lifted from your shoulders.

 

[xnn]

Hello all.
Today I had an appointment with her. We talked about some stuff. I've been depressed because the people I work with had a party at saturday and they didnt invite me. I just read about it at facebook the day after. So yeah I feel hated. So we talked some about that.
At the end, it got very quiet and I didnt know what more to say and this social phobia is hard to talk about. I know my time was almost up, so I said I wanted to talk to her about something, and that we could do it next time. She asked me what I wanted to talk about. This was so hard, but after a while I said social phobia. I asked if she knew much about it, she answeared no, but I understood she had have pasients with anxiety before. She also commented that she thought I was brave to work in a grocery store, and meet so much people with social phobia.

Then, and this is very interesting. I asked her if she knew, or could see it on me. She answeared NO, she couldnt. So this was a little weired. I thought she would know.
This means that other people I know probaly don't see that I have social phobia. Maybe people find me rude or something?

We gonna talk more about my social phobia next time. I think it will be good for me to finally talk to someone about it. She's like the person I tell everything too, except my feelings for her. I think I'm in love with her.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

She's like the person I tell everything too, except my feelings for her. I think I'm in love with her.

I've seen this many times on this board. You aren't in love. That's not what being in love is. It's a common illusion. Loneliness, a lack of social experience, and gratitude for being able to finally communicate private feelings all contribute to this and all are all common to social anxiety.

Maybe giving this a read will help. I Think I’m in Love with My Therapist | World of Psychology. Probably not. Reading stuff rarely changes how people feel about anything, especially if the feelings are intense. Words are only words after all, especially just text from online strangers.

She sounds like the right person to talk to about social phobia. That could help.

 

[emre43]

Hello all.
Today I had an appointment with her. We talked about some stuff. I've been depressed because the people I work with had a party at saturday and they didnt invite me. I just read about it at facebook the day after. So yeah I feel hated. So we talked some about that.
At the end, it got very quiet and I didnt know what more to say and this social phobia is hard to talk about. I know my time was almost up, so I said I wanted to talk to her about something, and that we could do it next time. She asked me what I wanted to talk about. This was so hard, but after a while I said social phobia. I asked if she knew much about it, she answeared no, but I understood she had have pasients with anxiety before. She also commented that she thought I was brave to work in a grocery store, and meet so much people with social phobia.

Then, and this is very interesting. I asked her if she knew, or could see it on me. She answeared NO, she couldnt. So this was a little weired. I thought she would know.
This means that other people I know probaly don't see that I have social phobia. Maybe people find me rude or something?

We gonna talk more about my social phobia next time. I think it will be good for me to finally talk to someone about it. She's like the person I tell everything too, except my feelings for her. I think I'm in love with her.

I have had these feelings myself before. I would strongly recommend letting her know your feelings. The only things to regret in life are those things that you didn't do when you had the chance.

 

[emre43]

I've seen this many times on this board. You aren't in love. That's not what being in love is. It's a common illusion. Loneliness, a lack of social experience, and gratitude for being able to finally communicate private feelings all contribute to this and all are all common to social anxiety.

Maybe giving this a read will help. I Think I’m in Love with My Therapist | World of Psychology. Probably not. Reading stuff rarely changes how people feel about anything, especially if the feelings are intense. Words are only words after all, especially just text from online strangers.

She sounds like the right person to talk to about social phobia. That could help.

If he feels love, who is to tell him that it isn't love? If he feels love then it is love. Transference is love misspelt. Everybody who has ever been in love has experienced transference; they are one and the same.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

If he feels love, who is to tell him that it isn't love? If he feels love then it is love. Transference is love misspelt. Everybody who has ever been in love has experienced transference; they are one and the same.

Being in love involves both parties. If it's one person, it may be infatuation, obsession, a crush, lust...lots of things.

Yes, you were 'in love' with your therapist as well. Also a bunch of other guys I've seen who post here. Always the reasons for it and the end result have been the same.

It's a very common, well-documented phenomenon.

 

[Auroraborealis]

Congrats on letting her know about your social phobia. It takes a lot of courage to come out and have your thoughts be heard, it's the first step in being able to relax.

 

[emre43]

Being in love involves both parties. If it's one person, it may be infatuation, obsession, a crush, lust...lots of things.

Yes, you were 'in love' with your therapist as well. Also a bunch of other guys I've seen who post here. Always the reasons for it and the end result have been the same.

It's a very common, well-documented phenomenon.

There is also unrequited love. There are lots of critics of Freud's theory of transference. I get angry with people, just because my anger isn't reciprocated by the opposing person does not make my anger any less real.

To tell somebody what they are feeling is a bit strange to me. They are the only person who know what they are feeling and if he says he is in love, then he is in love. If he was to say he went to a party and felt anxious nobody would be telling him that this feeling was not anxiety; because he felt it and it was real.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Okay.










___________________________

 

[MotherWolff]

I am a 32 year old male, still leaving at my parents and never been in a relationship. Never ever been together or close to a girl at all. I don't see how it's possible for someone like me to get a girl. I am ugly and can't talk and people threat me like garbage.

Anyway, I have a chronic desease. The doctors don't know that I have social phobia (if it doesnt show?). I havent worked for months. I was sendt to a social worker and been going to her since april. She's around 30 year old and she's really beautiful. That off course made it hard to open. But she's so nice, and talk to me, smiles to me. She doesnt give up on me, even when I sit there can't say a thing, look down on the floor, red in my face, sweating and don't know what to say.

I wonder if I shoud talk to her about my social phobia? Maybe she can help me. I never talked to anyone about my fear for people and how other people makes me feel. I know this can be hard, but I trust her and don't think she will judge me.

Hello xnn. And welcome to Social Phobia World!

This is a very tough situation you're in. I know exactly how you feel. I am a 25 year old woman and I am still living with one of my parents. I too have never been in a real, serious relationship with a man. I never even made love with a man. Sometimes it does make me feel like a loser, but then I think about how much discipline and self-control it must take to go without intercourse all of these years.

Anyways, you aren't alone, you aren't ugly, and obviously not EVERYONE treats you like garbage(the young lady you're attracted to and myself for example ).

Perhaps you could try group therapy. I know it sounds very frightening at first, but I am seeing that it does have its advantages. For one, you can easily relate to the other group members' situations and realize you are not alone in your suffering.

I want for you to just tell the beautiful lady your situation. You don't have to make eye contact with her as you tell her. You can work on that later. The important thing would be for you to just tell her about your social phobia. I realize now that people can't help us if they don't know our problem(s) in the first place. So give it a shot, please! And tell us about it later! ^_^

 

[Bronson99]

For the OP, I think there's at least a slight chance you've just found your first girlfriend! If you divulge your feelings for your therapist, it's not guaranteed that she will return them... but what have you got to lose? You only live once.

 

[emre43]

For the OP, I think there's at least a slight chance you've just found your first girlfriend! If you divulge your feelings for your therapist, it's not guaranteed that she will return them... but what have you got to lose? You only live once.

Well said.