Should I stay or should I go?

L

Lemonheadzuccini

Well-known member
My partner and I have been together for 9 months. It's been ok and I love him very much and he hopefully does too. However our relationship isn't perfect. He's cheated. He did the deed on father's day this past year. However it was flirtation and asking for a girl's number online (which she never gave). I found out myself when I borrowed his phone and his dumb as* didn't delete his history. He denied and eventually told the truth. He still says he didn't know why he did it to this day. But I know deep down he was looking for something better.. I'm not enough. I forgave him eventually but I still can't get over it and I randomly get mad at him over it. I know I need to move on but I can't. Even though he hasn't slept with anyone else it still hurt. His family doesn't even like me because they think I had an abortion, but I really miscarried. So there's drama there too. But besides that he treats me good and even talks about marriage eventually. However I'm a strong believer of "once a cheater, always one". Even though he's sweet now and SAYS he regrets it, is this really WORTH it? His family is so disrespectful, I have ZERO trust, and to be honest my self esteem was destroyed by it so I'm insecure and probably needy. I never wanted to be that gf.. Should I get a new start with someone different? After all its only been 9 months.
 
chibiXphantom

chibiXphantom

Well-known member
a relationship without trust is doomed to fail. if you can't get over that small incident and believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing, then maybe you should move on. the drama also isnt healthy.

however, he regrets what he did. he didnt leave you, which means you're still important to him. some people get lonely and are maybe looking for something more in the relationship. instead of talking it out with their partner, they may seek outside sources. sometimes people also crave the rush and excitement of new relationships. try talking to him about what he wants. stay calm and open minded, and you can build a stronger relationship with that. if there is something lacking that he's looking for, you'll be aware of it. it's not that you yourself are not enough. maybe there's just something that has been neglected in the relationship.

i just feel that trust and communication are the two most important things in every relationship. if those arent there, then there is a very weak foundation.
 
nodejesque

nodejesque

Well-known member
Id go. Once that trust is gone, at least for me..., there is no way of getting it back. It just sounds like a bad situation to be in, especially with his family already causing strife.

HOWEVER, i dont think you should just start with someone new. At least not right away. Give yourself some time to regain that confidence and self love. If you jump into something new, you may still feel distrustful and needy, because you have to rebuild your self esteem.

This is just my opinion, but if youre not enough for him now, that things are new and exciting.... it is very unlikely that things will improve with time.
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
I guess it comes down to how much its worth to you. If yall really wanna work things out i suppose yall can set up some kinda system where you he can earn that trust back. Depending on what lengths he'll be willing to go to.
 
J

JohnB

Member
Maybe you need to teach him a lesson. Want my number? Anyway I am just joking but feel to much is missing for anyone to give advise to stay or leave. You make some good point and only you know what to do. Message me
 
F

Facethefear

Well-known member
I have been there...It only gets worse. The honeymoon is over with this liar/cheater. The first time you catch him is not the first time he has betrayed you. You are starting on a downward spiral that will rob you of your mental and physical health. You will spend most of your waking hours being a detective trying to catch him and you will - then the arguments and the pain. Be grateful you are Not married to him. His family should embrace you but their actions should tell you what he says about you to them. Leave as soon as possible and be alone for a while. Feeling lonely is better than dealing with that craziness. It is not your fault but that is the next stage in this abusive drama if you catch him acting as if you didn't exist. His family will join right in blaming you for his unhappiness. You started living together in April and he was fooling around in June? C'mon girl - you can't change him. Get a new start away from this loser and his ignorant clan.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I don't know your relationship, but if he wants something better, I'd wonder why he'd want to still be with you? People can have a million different motivations for their actions, sometimes that they themselves aren't fully aware of. Maybe he was feeling insecure at that time and thought getting a number would make him feel better with himself. It may not be an unhappiness with you he was feeling, but one with himself. Or he could just be self-involved and only thinks of himself, I don't know the person. If you want to stay though, I would say I think finding a way to trust again would be crucial. I don't think you have to completely understand why he did what he did (by the sounds of it he isn't sure himself, or is ashamed of how he was feeling) but just that this person wants to be with you now and means it when he says things like he wants to see a future with you. That's the important bit, I'd try focusing on that. If it's a place you can't get to, it might be time to go.
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
vj288 said:
I don't know your relationship, but if he wants something better, I'd wonder why he'd want to still be with you?
Click to expand...

Because a lot of people now like to try to have side chicks and side dudes. I heard two young women in my class over break talking about their side dudes. They were trying to whisper but I was sitting pretty close. Hell theres even a wikihow, on how to be a good side chick lmbo.

How to Be a Side Chick: 11 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
 
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