:applause: I can definitely relate. I'm going through the same situation too. I had a hard past too. I was a very obese kid and teenager but I lost weight. I improved my appearance but I'm emotionally scarred from the emotional abuse I endured. I'm trying to grow as a person and I find it appalling how people can't look past appearances and hold such unrealistic expectations for others to adhere to. They don't realize that people have issues with self-confidence. If I had an easy past, I would have been more outgoing and confident. But unfortunately, I'm not that way. But, I do have an opportunity to improve myself as a person in order to attract the right people into my life. I comprehend that people are not always going to like you and that's how life is. I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to change myself to suit others.
Hi there
. I'm sorry you had to go through so much emotional abuse in your teenage years because I sadly had went through all of that as well
. Even though I wasn't taunted about my weight, I don't know what it is but a lot of people just have so much ******* nerve in them to make other people feel as sh*tty about themselves as possible. It makes me want to strangle them so badly. I mean they will do just about anything to make that person feel unworthy and undeserving. I think when it comes to the media, society, and hollywood, I believe these three things mainly all contribute to the problems in this world. It's no wonder why this world is the way it is because how much negativity and bad influence the media has impacted on many people unfortunately :/. I'm beginning to realize it will probably just keep getting worse as each year goes on and that more and more people are becoming less supportive and understanding of others.
If more people are going to continue to care less about how they treat others or the world in general, then I don't think I can see our future turning out so good (well in my eyes, at least.) Not only is that a problem, but that also puts me in more stress and trouble because not too many people I will come across in this world are going to sympathize, hell even comfort me with kind words of appreciation or something. I usually just expect that they'll just get tired of hearing me constantly complain about my problems and drama in my life. I'd expect them to eventually give up on someone like me because with my depression and for them to listen to me wallow in self pity, I feared that that was what would drive people away very easy and very quickly. I'd expect people to say to me that they can't handle listening to me complain about my problems 24/7 because it becomes an annoyance to them. So, the best thing that I had to do from now on was keep my mouth shut about anything that bothers me anymore. I will not allow the problems that I've been having to place so much attention on myself that people constantly have to cater and feel sorry for the predicament I'm forced to live in. Believe me, I've been in such a hard place for years and there was not one person in my life who I could come to for support/help/reassurance/love or any kind of comfort because I've been stuck in my house all the time. I've held my problems and emotions in for all these years now and when people who don't know me too well have to listen to them, find it very hard to understand my situation or give me any comfort. I'm too afraid to even express my emotions anymore infront of people since it's now making me feel more embarrased and awkward of myself. I try to restrict myself from do that as well. I don't know if it's just where I live with maybe the people around me are naturally just mean spirited ****s by nature, but I've noticed that these people find some way to make everything look as if its my fault, even if they're too stubborn to admit when they're wrong. They'll point out more flaws of my personality than they will with my apperance as far as I've noticed. They just treat me like this mentally retarded kid who they seem to think that I don't have a mind of my own and that I can't feel feelings.
Well, I do feel feelings inside, but they are mainly feelings of anger and sadness in which I'm never allowed to express those feelings ever. Only the people I've been around with are at much better luck in getting away with releasing those feelings and yet they will either mock me or yell at me for just trying to express my own emotions. I'm not even allowed to express my opinions without there being someone to make me feel self concious about them! I'm never allowed to make any form of opinion/statement in which people view in their eyes as wrong. I might as well just keep my mouth shut forever and not say one word at all. I'm getting the sense that people aren't grateful to have my company, but they're probably happy I'm just there with them so that they'll get every chance to poke fun of me. I've never disrespected anyone or made anyone feel unworthy, disrespected, uncared for, ect. It confuses me a lot because other people I've mainly been around are stubborn, hostile, or have treated me less than a person. My life is one big confusing puzzle for me to understand how to solve it.
Well, I guess when I get up there to be in my 60's or 70's is when people will start to tone down the compliments they've been praising me. It's funny actually, how as you grow older and lose your physical attractivness, people eventually will avoid you and probably lose interest themselves than how they used to see you as. I know that I' already have physical problems(they might eventually grow worse over time, but who knows) that I'm surprised many people still call me the most prettiest girl ever or whatever big statements they say. I have problems of my own too, but many people probably just look at my outer apperance and think "Well, she must has a pretty good life. She's so gorgeous, she could have anything she want." Well don't believe in your own assumptions because it's not true at all. Even if I am a girl and cake my face with make up to events and wear dressy outfits, I don't get everything I want (the truth) just because of my gender or because of my appearance. I don't have a lot people liking me, I don't win at everything, hell I didn't even grow up in the most richest, wealthiest family. I'm just your average, ordinary girl, nothing too special about me except only if it's my apperance (which that will fade over time someday.) I shouldn't be treated like a godess just because of my overall apperance and nothing more than that. It probably leads other people to think I am snobbish, rude, outgoing, flirty, and like I said, I'm not any of those things. I'm just a human being, a plain ordinary old girl who blends right in with the crowd. I don't want to stand out or make myself appear special to anyone, although I wish others would learn to appreciate my talents/qaulities more :/.
