Selective Mutism

[Hi56]

Hi. I'm 17 years old and I have selective mutism. I have never talked in school. I'm very depressed and have no friends. All I do is go to school, come home, play video games and go to sleep. I'm as far down as I can go. Everyone at school gave up trying to get me to talk a while ago so no one talks to me anymore which makes school easier.
My family tries to help me but they don't understand what I'm going through. They often try to talk to me about my problems and now I'm finding it hard to talk to my parents. My parents are great people but they are very religious and believe that only god can help me. Years ago my father told me that someday, when I want to talk so badly I would get an answer from god and all my problems would be solved. I don't believe that will happen because I'm an atheist.
I have always wanted to get rid of my selective mutism but in the past I felt like it was a part of me I couldn't get rid of. I felt like I wouldn't be me without it. If I don't do anything then I will have selective mutism forever. People are always changing. I am not the same person I was a year ago. So without selective mutism I will be different, but I will still be me. So its time to take the first step and communicate with people online. It's come to a life or death thing for me. I either get over it or I die trying. Luckily it's not deadly or I would have died a long time ago. Now I got nothing to loose so either I get over it or I waste my entire life trying. So I joined this website in hopes of making friends and meeting others with anxiety like me.
So it's time to try changing my life. I just want to be able to communicate when I need to. I'm not trying to become an extrovert. I only want to be the best I can be.

So Hello! Weirdos!
Anyone else have selective mutism or knows someone who does?

(Please ignore spelling and grammar errors)

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

(is 'wrongly' a word?)

 

[EternalIce]

I had similar problems as you when i was in high school. Now that I am in university it is getting better, but I understand what you're talking about.
If you ever want to talk, I'm on the site a lot and would welcome a conversation.

 

[Graeme1988]

(is 'wrongly' a word?)

Yeah, it's an adverb. Assumin' yer no' takin' the piss when askin' that question, coyote.

Anyway, hullo, Hi56. :greeting: Welcome to the forum.

I struggled with selective mutism throughout most o' ma school years. Still kinda strugglin' with it now. In that, I don't talk much unless I actually have somethin' to say, if that makes any sense?

 

[scattereddays]

I have selective mutism too so I can kind of relate. I started off only talking to friends I trusted but gradually opened up to other people. For me getting a job in customer service forced me to talk to people and I think it's probably what helped me the most. I think it's great that you are wanting to change and taking the first step. I still keep to myself as much as I can but I have no problem communicating when I need to.

 

[TreeBones]

I don't know if I have selective mutism but I understand how you feel. My daily life is basically the same; school, home, study, free time, sleep. Ive home schooled myself (but now I've finally went back to finish school), stopped talking to all of my friends and avoid everyone who does want to talk to me, one big reason being because I don't know how to be myself around them. If you have relationships you value be sure to hang on to them. I'm glad you're making an effort to change things, the more baby steps you take the better it gets.
So welcome to the forum! If you need anyone to talk to you Im always open

 

[mismeek]

If you spoke to others, i don't think you would be so different that your world would fall apart. Yes you would be changing, but it would be for the good!

 

[Quietguy11]

I have a type of Selective Mutism, but nothing like the one you described. In school I was kind of too myself a lot but I could talk whenever someone talked to me first (If I remember correctly.) It got bad later down the road when I became an adult, that's when I first started experiencing my first symptoms of anxiety, and needless to say, they were paralyzing to both my mind and my voice. I was raised in a Christian home, so my parents also believe that God is the only solution to these problems, associating them with torment of demons. Whether they are psychological or spiritual though, it doesn't matter, as long as we do our best to overcome! I think you took your first step in the right direction by coming to this site. You can interact with people comfortably here, and get your thoughts out which is very important, because it's not good to isolate the mind. Mainly we should understand, and I think you already do, that it is anxiety that keeps us from being able to speak freely, comfortably, and confidently. That and low self-esteem. These emotions shut us down and impair us from feeling in sync and connected with the outside world. I wish you all the best with your recovery process, and again, feel that you are taking a good first step in a positive direction.

 

[andsorry]

I didn’t know this was a condition. I hope you will be able to communicate one day.

 

[jaim38]

Hi and welcome to the forum! I also have selective mutism but it's not as severe now as in the past. I used to not be able to say anything, even when someone asks me a question or greets me. I just hope people would leave me alone. I have a sibling who has more severe selective mutism. He doesn't talk in public nor at home. My mom takes care of him. For example she would ask him, "do you want water?" and he would do hand gestures. He doesn't talk to me either. If we have a conversation, we do it by typing on the computer, which can be very slow and painful (for me at least).

 

[Hi56]

Thanks guys, I'm glad to know there's others like me. Yes I'm am constantly afraid I'll say something wrong. I was even anxious about joining this site because I have never really interacted with anyone online but everyone seems really nice. Thank you! I wish you all good luck with your problems.

 

[pelican2]

Yes I suffered with this and still can to some small level. I can generally get on fine now though, just some of the residual feelings the problem has left me feeling are not pleasant. I have fear of rejection due to how I am (the SM) and fear of being unable to speak because I could not speak for so long in school, till a point where I could speak but people bullied, seemed to hate me and rejected me terribly, I had no friends and no chance of fitting in or being accepted.
It's an awful thing to have.
I still remember not talking all day in school coming home with the worst dry /weird feeling in my throat like even though I could speak at home it was hard for me to be able to speak again after going a whole day having been despised and nobody bar teachers having wanted to speak/interact with me at all. That was the point I had become truly despised.