Saying the wrong thing...

[nicole1]

A bit of a rant, really....

I hate talking now. I hate going out and being a part of any social situation. This fear has become so strong... I feel better not talking to people. I still have friends... But now I'm having some trouble talking with them. I feel the fear creep up on me, preventing me from saying certain things because I'm scared I'll be offensive or I'll say something stupid or rude. I think the few communication skills I learned and used have slipped away...

 

[Witty_Name0_0]

I have trouble talking with everyone. Doesn't matter who. The awkwardness is un avoidable. I'm just the same as you. I have to worry about saying bad things all the time. I don't know how to hold a conversation with someone while being restricted by social norms and politeness and just how everyone talks about boring stuff. It seems like politeness just restricts things. I like it when people are straightforward. The thing is I don't know if I spend enough time with other people to make a judgement on whether I should give up on people or not.

 

[nicole1]

I don't think giving up on them is the answer. Sometimes I want to. I often retreat from social interations for some time. But now, I'm just finding it difficult to have a normal convo with friends. I'm either laughed at, misunderstood, or not taken seriously. It makes me not want to speak at all. I mean...I have to put up with people's bull crap, why can't people be patient or understanding when I speak?

I'm sometimes straightforward, but try not to be b/c I've leard people don't like or appreciate it. Idk...

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm either laughed at, misunderstood, or not taken seriously. It makes me not want to speak at all. I mean...I have to put up with people's bull crap, why can't people be patient or understanding when I speak?

I'm sometimes straightforward, but try not to be b/c I've leard people don't like or appreciate it. Idk...

Aye, bein' laughed at, misunderstood n' not taken seriously is basically the story uh ma life. :kickingmyself: That's probably why ah rarely bother sayin' anythin'. Though, ah've never been scared of offendin' people - if folk dinnae like me, am no' too bothered.

 

[Razzlecherry]

if folk dinnae like me, am no' too bothered.

Exactly this. You shouldn't be afraid of being who you are. If you don't have malicious intentions then there really is no problem. If people don't like you, that's on them.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

You're not alone Nicole. I feel like my mouth is a frikkin time bomb. Whenever I say a word, I often end up offending someone unintentionally. Maybe it's my lack of communication skills, maybe because of my monotone voice or poker face expression... I don't really know.

Eg. at work

One colleague said 'Oh, so you will be my partner'
I said 'Really?'
And then the other colleague looked at me and said 'That was rude' ...and the other one said 'She doesn't wanna work with us'

Like hell... I just said the word 'Really'... I said it as an expression but they thought I am being sarcastic... maaaaan!

 

[Witty_Name0_0]

I don't think giving up on them is the answer. Sometimes I want to. I often retreat from social interations for some time. But now, I'm just finding it difficult to have a normal convo with friends. I'm either laughed at, misunderstood, or not taken seriously. It makes me not want to speak at all. I mean...I have to put up with people's bull crap, why can't people be patient or understanding when I speak?

I'm sometimes straightforward, but try not to be b/c I've leard people don't like or appreciate it. Idk...

Yeah i don't know why i said i should give up on people.

Maybe you are just the 'tag along' or the 'third wheel' of the group. Even though you are ignored or made to feel not welcome, you are a necessary part of the structure of the group.

 

[BlackPuma]

Potato curry.

Ah, damnit, I mean; I can relate.

More often than not people seem to not really understand what I'm saying. It'll make perfect sense to me, but to others I might as well be speaking an alien language.. in reverse. It's not really a great incentive for me to feel chatty.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

A bit of a rant, really....

I hate talking now. I hate going out and being a part of any social situation. This fear has become so strong... I feel better not talking to people. I still have friends... But now I'm having some trouble talking with them. I feel the fear creep up on me, preventing me from saying certain things because I'm scared I'll be offensive or I'll say something stupid or rude. I think the few communication skills I learned and used have slipped away...

It's not partially the fact that I'm worried about saying the wrong things to people, but more so as how I say it or how it comes off as. Usually, most of the time whenever I think I'm being nice, it comes off as awkward and shy. It's really my fault since I haven't fixed my anxiety problems completely. It is very frustrating to know when to say the right things or else you'll be put in an awkward position.

 

[aconite]

I sympathise. Or at least, I know the fear of saying the wrong thing because I constantly do. For somebody who is supposed to be good at words (Eng Lit degree, go-to person on grammar and phrasing at work) you would not believe how inept I can be. Sometimes it's something that just pops out. Other times I have thought through what I'm going to say really carefully and then when I come to say it, I choke, or it comes out so badly I just want to die.

My problem doesn't seem to be getting better either. One of the main ideas of therapy is that things are supposed to get easier with practice, or that if you can steel yourself to do something, you'll find it's not as bad as you feared. Ain't necessarily so.

 

[jaim38]

This just happened to be in an online meeting. Several times I must have said the wrong thing and made the other participant do a 180 or something. There were some awkward moments on my end. But, it's ok, I'm sure I will improve my communication skills with practice.