Does anyone else have a problem with saying no to people. I can't confront people at all, I don't want to come off as a jerk or hurt people's feelings. I always get stuck listening to sales people and things like that. I just roll over so easy. A while ago jehovahs witness people came to my door and I opened the door cause I thought it was UPS delivering a package, so then I got stuck listening to their crap for ten minutes. I hate it cause I act like I'm interested for some reason, but inside I'm yelling at myself, I want to just slam the door in their face or tell them to get lost or tell them what I really think of religion. But I can't. It's the same with everything, like people at work, I don't want to rock the boat so I just agree with everything. Cause of this, people I work with have this whole wrong picture of who I am and think I like things I really don't. It's really frustrating, but then again if I did tell people what was really on my mind, they'd most likely hate my guts. I don't know.
saying "no" to, and confronting people
- Thread starter zootdroop
- Start date
steviegerrard489
Well-known member
recluse said:
I'm ok in getting rid of sales people generally, but at work I'm not so good. Not being big headed but I work with quite a lot of idiots who can't do their job properly, like this guy who was meant to write a document before he went on leave but couldn't be bothered and did a cr*p job.
I got asked by my boss to work on it and accepted even though it meant I had to work a couple of hours extra (we don't get overtime).
I'm worried about peoples reaction if I say no. I kind of think they will stop speaking to me or stop being friendly.
akele
Active member
i found some terrific sites on the net about 'how to say no'. they were really practical and good, didnt sound rude or anything. just having some things worked out to say, which have already been tested by these experts, so you dont have the worry of being offensive, is a huge help. look some up, and try them, starting in small ways.
i tend to practise with people who are very blunt speaking, as theres less chance of them being shocked. i observe others a lot, and imitate the way they put things in words. i've got much much better at saying what i think, these days.
one thing though, dont automatically say 'yes' or 'ok'. always give yourself a way out by saying 'let me get back to you on that', or 'let me think it over'. DONT say 'yes' straight away from habit!!!! even the fact that you dont say yes immediately, prepares the person for the fact that you are not actually thrilled about what they've asked you to do.
one good tip i read is to say 'i would have liked to be able to do that for you, however .........it wont be possible right now.......i've got too much on my plate right now.........i had put this time aside to do something else.....i'd planned on setting aside some time out for myself, i need it...etc.
when you start in with 'i WOULD HAVE liked to do....' it kills 2 birds with one stone. it lets them know immediately you're not going to do it, and gives them the (maybe false) impression that you would really be willing to help them if not for some very good reason preventing you.
believe me, having some formulas like this will cut the stress of it by 3/4 at least.
even if they ask you and you just say ..'hmmmmm'. if you were brave enough you could even say absolutely nothing and leave them wondering. i wish!!
i tend to practise with people who are very blunt speaking, as theres less chance of them being shocked. i observe others a lot, and imitate the way they put things in words. i've got much much better at saying what i think, these days.
one thing though, dont automatically say 'yes' or 'ok'. always give yourself a way out by saying 'let me get back to you on that', or 'let me think it over'. DONT say 'yes' straight away from habit!!!! even the fact that you dont say yes immediately, prepares the person for the fact that you are not actually thrilled about what they've asked you to do.
one good tip i read is to say 'i would have liked to be able to do that for you, however .........it wont be possible right now.......i've got too much on my plate right now.........i had put this time aside to do something else.....i'd planned on setting aside some time out for myself, i need it...etc.
when you start in with 'i WOULD HAVE liked to do....' it kills 2 birds with one stone. it lets them know immediately you're not going to do it, and gives them the (maybe false) impression that you would really be willing to help them if not for some very good reason preventing you.
believe me, having some formulas like this will cut the stress of it by 3/4 at least.
even if they ask you and you just say ..'hmmmmm'. if you were brave enough you could even say absolutely nothing and leave them wondering. i wish!!
akele
Active member
i should have said also, you dont HAVE to explain why you wont do the thing. its your own business. all they need to know is whether you will or not. you can use the above formulas but just say 'i would have liked to be able to do it, but its not possible right now'. no further explanation. :roll:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
zootdroop said:
Yeah I'm like that to. I'm always getting talked into stuff and going along with it because I can't say "No". Whenever I try to, I'm always talked into doing something I don't want to do regardless of how I feel myself. I feel like my life is not my own most of the time.
As far as confronting people, I always shut up when it comes to that because I don't want to hurt someone's feeling. I tend to say things in my head instead of saying them out loud.
Daydreamer
Member
YOU SHOULD OF PRETENDED TO BE MUTE
asubscriber99
Well-known member
this is very typical of sa.
you might wanna listen to the audiobook "the coward's guide to conflicts", it may help u.
if u want, i will post the links to it.
you might wanna listen to the audiobook "the coward's guide to conflicts", it may help u.
if u want, i will post the links to it.
toothpastekisses
Well-known member
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