Sad situation..

[Falkor]

Hello..

I am 20 years old. I am unhappy a lot in my moods. Yesterday I almost attempted suicide, but my girlfriend stopped me from it. I was about to take pills...:/ I'm sorry that I am so detailed.... I hope SPW doesn't kick me out. SPW is a big part of my life.. (gosh, I love life..)

I don't want to die. It was just a ' reaction ' to the misery of my life.

Let me tell you very concrete what misery is in my life.

1. I do not believe in the things what I want, how should i , everything is a big negative thing for me. Because I hate myself.

2. I have doom scenarios in my head. That I will feel sad everyday and not happy in my body (it is stressed).

3. The biggest reason of my pain is

I am stressed everyday. I freeze when people look at me.... Just tonight I was about to sit with people in my house... But I walked downstairs. Well let me speak clear. I was hesitating at the stairs , shaking my legs because I am so dizzy , I just can't face people because I will faint.. I feel outside my body, depersonalised when ppl look at me..

So what the heck should I do..

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

:sad: Stay strong beautiful soul. I wish I had something better to say.

 

[Falkor]

Hey nanita. I'm so sorry that your sister did not invite you. :thumbdown: But maybe she forgot about it?? Or maybe she did not know you wanted it so bad? Maybe you should tell her, or ask her, what about spending new years together next time? Give her a hint. But if it is really that she did not want it, then I'm sorry for you. I hope you will find other people then to celebrate it with.

It is wonderful that you play guitar so much. You must be really good at the chords and stuff. I should have more patience learning all those chords. ahha. Maybe sometime we can collaborate. you play guitar and I piano. and some singing of either you or i.

Yeah meaningless to have wishes... That's my pitfall. I keep on thinking ' I have dreams but they will never come true ' And there I go.... Talking myself down. I think we do that a lot here on SPW. Our mindset is the blame, and it's so hard to reconstruct.

And you will get a dog or cat, do you live with your parents, or alone? Maybe when you move out (if you still live with them) you can find a place where pets are allowed. You still have to wait then, but it's worth the wait. Or look really sweet to your parents and ask them... hehehe, or accept it.. Get an aquarium with fishes and look at it everyday.. It means a step further since their also pets.

And thank you for the words. I appreciate it so much. I'm still down but it's all because of my beliefs, who are very negative...

Well, thanks!

 

[theslowesthand]

I agree. You are an "uncommonly wonderful" person. Genuinely caring. So hard to find in this world imho.

Just a shot in the dark: Due to you being highly sensitive (HSP?), its a double-edge sword: (no need to explain, you know what im talking about). The mind is constantly on overdrive (i have a similar problem, as am oversensitive & can't stop thinking). So that cannot really be altered, as may be genetic also. So one must simply do what can not to rid it (as cannot be), but to "HANDLE" (theres another word for it too) it. Ie To "handle" the barradge of (often -ve) thoughts, you have to have CONSTANT STREAM "24/7" of positives, so that "pushes" the negatives out, and keeps them out, or at-bay (manageable - thats the other word -> "MANAGE").

And also try to be mindful of your TRIGGERS. If you need to use avoidance, then so be it. It's FAR better to be missing out, than to keep getting "triggered" every other day!.

Certainly you are not currently "managing" your situation. So you must change your ways, and perhaps your lifestyle. Preventing these bad effects should be the #1 top priority, for sure. You must do whatever you must, change whatever you need to ... in order to reach a place of managing effectively (or adequately).

Good luck to you!.

 

[Fin]

I agree. You are an "uncommonly wonderful" person. Genuinely caring. So hard to find in this world imho.

Just a shot in the dark: Due to you being highly sensitive (HSP?), its a double-edge sword: (no need to explain, you know what im talking about). The mind is constantly on overdrive (i have a similar problem, as am oversensitive & can't stop thinking). So that cannot really be altered, as may be genetic also. So one must simply do what can not to rid it (as cannot be), but to "HANDLE" (theres another word for it too) it. Ie To "handle" the barradge of (often -ve) thoughts, you have to have CONSTANT STREAM "24/7" of positives, so that "pushes" the negatives out, and keeps them out, or at-bay (manageable - thats the other word -> "MANAGE").

And also try to be mindful of your TRIGGERS. If you need to use avoidance, then so be it. It's FAR better to be missing out, than to keep getting "triggered" every other day!.

Certainly you are not currently "managing" your situation. So you must change your ways, and perhaps your lifestyle. Preventing these bad effects should be the #1 top priority, for sure. You must do whatever you must, change whatever you need to ... in order to reach a place of managing effectively (or adequately).

Good luck to you!.

^^This!

Couldn't of said it better! It sucks being overly sensitive trust me it SUUUCCKKS! 24HOURS OF NOT SLEEPING! ARGH! That's another story tho :bigsmile: From what I have read of you on here you seem a lovely person. And as above said it is about what triggers you. I think you can either avoid or take baby steps into managing situations. Example: going out for a drink... walk in sit down feel uncomfortable walk out.. next time.. walk in sit down order a drink have a sip start to feel uncomfortable walk out and so on untill you get to the stage of 'dang im not ready to leave yet!'. But I will say this from experience and still battling, you have to push yourself each time just that little bit further and have a goal to achieve (picture it in your head) Ahhh yes and the dreaded doctor question... have you been? will your GF go with you and speak up where you cant? You do not have to put up with feeling this way there is alot of help out there.

 

[Nanita]

Pushing yourself can become too much for you, and you might experience extreme reactions because of the stress you put yourself through. I´m aware that it it´s not "popular" to "encourage" avoidant behaviour (people always tell other people "keep trying", "don´t give up" and so on) but I can tell you that if I hadn´t dropped out of college, if I hadn´t quit my job, if I hadn´t stopped forcing myself to handle all sorts of difficult situations - I would probably be worse off than I am today, mentally.

I´m not saying that it´s completely cool to be avoidant like me, and of course I do get out of my comfort zone every now and then, but to force yourself too much, is dangerous. This combined with not being able to relax and get proper sleep, is in many cases how people burn out (and some people even become psychotic this way).

I´d rather be avoiding stressing/fearful situations, than causing myself a psychosis or nervous breakdown. I don´t feel weak because I´m avoiding things, I feel that I´m taking care of myself.

So, first step might be to go easy on yourself. Take care of yourself. Later, in the future you might be doing all the things you want to do in life. But stressing yourself becuse you want to handle difficult situations and because you want to achieve all your goals now - sounds risky and destructive to me.

 

[laure15]

Pushing yourself can become too much for you, and you might experience extreme reactions because of the stress you put yourself through. I´m aware that it it´s not "popular" to "encourage" avoidant behaviour (people always tell other people "keep trying", "don´t give up" and so on) but I can tell you that if I hadn´t dropped out of college, if I hadn´t quit my job, if I hadn´t stopped forcing myself to handle all sorts of difficult situations - I would probably be worse off than I am today, mentally.

I agree and had similar experiences. I was almost ripped off by a for profit college and if I hadn't dropped out of it, I would have accumulated over 20K of student debt. I used to attend public colleges far from home, which is expensive, but I dropped out because of unpleasant experiences there. If I hadn't dropped out, I would be in more debt than I am now. I will also be in a worse mental state.

I also used to force myself to do difficult social interactions. I tried deluding myself into thinking that I'm a social person and that I love people, when I'm the complete opposite. Things quickly fell apart.

After I quit faking and deluding myself, I went through a self discovery process and realized so many things about myself.

This is just my opinion, but I think sometimes in life, you need to know when to quit so that you can start over again and pursue a better route in life.

 

[gustavofring]

I´m not saying that it´s completely cool to be avoidant like me, and of course I do get out of my comfort zone every now and then, but to force yourself too much, is dangerous. This combined with not being able to relax and get proper sleep, is in many cases how people burn out (and some people even become psychotic this way).

Some people can't afford to be avoidant. Falkor lives at her parents from what I've gathered so has something to fall back onto, but many people cannot just quit everything and expect everything to be okay. I am pretty sure people have gotten homeless that way and gotten into WAY more trouble then they already were.

I agree though that pushing yourself too hard can lead to burn out. Proper sleep and nutrition is massively important. It's just very hard to pull everything together. I hope you hang in there Falkor.

 

[takeheart]

Man suicide is so unnecessary. Just try to stay calm and positive. Dont let this SA end your life dude. your life is worth it man. Stay strong!

 

[theslowesthand]

I've just chanced upon a document on my pc today, that i had saved a while ago (but never had read before). It's called "Parasympathetic Nervous System - Relaxed and Contented: Activating the Parasympathetic Wing of Your Nervous System". When i opened the file to see what it was (as file name is "ParasympatheticNS" & had no Windows icon), i immediately thought of you. This right down your alley!

So here's the link for it: Train Your Brain | Wisebrain.org ("The Parasympathetic Nervous System").
This site has some really awesome stuff. Some of it for example even covers the intersection of psychology, neurology, and Buddhism! (ie hoilstic). I may have to delve into this site some more!. :bigsmile:

 

[Newtype]

Everybody who's been on SPW for a while knows you and knows how important you are to this community. Please do not kill yourself. Your SA is very strong, but I've seen you do things that the majority of people here would never do, like making YouTube videos or sing in front of a crowd, so I know that you have a strong willpower to change. You don't have to beat your SA in one day, go slowly, work on one thing at a time. To me, the best thing to start working on is when you're sitting in a public place, look around you, look at people talking, without staring at them, look at what they're doing. It really helped me in the beginning. And always remember that you belong where you are.

 

[OCDd]

i am sorry you are going through this, its very hard. i wish their was more i could do, please don't kill yourself. their is so much more to life than we realize. All life is, is just a bunch of useless stuff and only a few things that are useful and good for you. our purpose is to find the few good things and ignore all the bad, you are a great person though and very charming, you should seek psychological help. pray to God also and ask for forgiveness of your sins and for help with this. i hope this can help you and i hope you get better, good luck and God bless