worrywort
Well-known member
I had to decline another invite recently and the worry treadmill began predictably churning again deep in my gut. So I decided to try to unpack it, and I found that I have so many conflicting thoughts and impulses that it's no wonder I find it so troublesome. So I thought I'd list them all here. Maybe some will relate and it may perhaps help to clarify things in our minds a bit.
and on and on.....and this is just the tip of the iceburg! There are loads of other avenue's and cul-de-sacs my mind goes down in these situations, but you get the gist!
- Friend texts me: "Would you like to come round for dinner with my wife and I?"
- ...
- Me: No! that sounds like hell.
- But I can't tell him that because they'll take it personally, even though it's not.
- ...
- Me: Damn, how do I get out of this? Shall I decline?
- But then they'll most likely think badly of me; that I don't like them, or that I'm rude, or that I'm weird.
- ...
- Me: Maybe I could make up an excuse.
- But being dishonest with people makes me feel even worse.
- ...
- Me: Maybe I should just go. I'll just act the way society expects me to act; I'll smile and be charming and have FUN!
- But it's not fun. It's an ordeal for me. Why should I feel I have to accept offers like this when I simply don't enjoy it?
- ...
- Me: Maybe it won't be so bad.
- But it might lead onto more meetups down the road. I need to give the right message now, otherwise I could get trapped in relationships that I'll have to maintain forever.
- ...
- Me: Maybe I should just be honest.
- But if they knew the full truth it'd ruin the relationship because they'd be pussifooting around me all the time. They'd treat me like a mental patient.
- ...
- Me: Look, if you don't wanna go, then just say "no thanks" and be done with it.
- But with this attitude I'm going to end up totally isolated and alone, because the truth is I never really WANT to hang out with anyone, ever!
- ...
- Me: Maybe I should force myself to go then. Maybe those books are right; the more I avoid these things the worse it'll get
- But I don't want that life. I hate that path, of having to force myself to be like everybody else and pretend to be normal.
- ...
- Me: But maybe if I face my fears and free myself from SA I'll find a whole new world of great joy and fulfilment in relationships.
- But I'm not sure I want that. I kinda like that I'm unique. I've found lots of benefits to having SA and I've kind of built my life around it. Loads of my heroes had similar social problems to me too.
- ...
- Me: Maybe I should ask God. What's the morally correct thing to do here? What does my conscience tell me?
- Declining invites left, right and centre, and living in fear, I must admit, is hard to justify.
- ...
- Me: But it's not as simple as that. Some people are more introverted than others and there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
- No, but is that really the reason you're avoiding this dinner invite?
- ...
- Me: I just can't bear the thought of being put under the microscope again. It's just too hard. I can't do it. I give up
and on and on.....and this is just the tip of the iceburg! There are loads of other avenue's and cul-de-sacs my mind goes down in these situations, but you get the gist!