Remember those incidents in the past where you felt temporarily cured?

[cbtrox]

I'll try to word this in the clearest possible way...

Everyone of us must have memories from the past where he/she felt completely free from phobia or anxiety. It could be an event where you were unexpectedly brave and said or did something that amazed you afterwards. Something that you looked back at and told yourself "whoa, how did I do that?" and then giggled from your heart... It could be an event that left you positively puzzled, thinking "hmm that was weird. Was that actually me or another person?"

The question is: why? Why do you think those moments happened? Can you go back in your mind and trace the event and describe it vividly in written form? Yes, pick up a pen and paper or use your computer, and try to describe those events and why they happened and what exactly did you feel throughout and who was there and what feelings those who was there had. Write as much as possible and don't think twice, whatever comes to your mind write it down as it is. When you're done, come back later on and try to bring meaning out of it.

 

[jellzzz]

I loved those moments! They always make me feel so truly happy. They don't happen that often, but if they happen, i feellikr flying

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[Kiwong]

There have been a couple of moments I thought I could beat anxiety.

 

[jellzzz]

Yeah, the only problem is that it eventuely will come back, and that is really depressing sometimes

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[Acegame]

Once in a while i used to have these moments, in situations that would usually scare me, where i didn't feel socially anxious at all. Then i was able to be myself, didn't care what other people thought of me and could interact just fine.

Those moments exactly made me realise that i'm not socially incapable (what i used to think). I know how to interact. It's just that this unrealistic fear is in the way most of the time, that makes me act akwardly. But when that fear is not there (even if when it wasn't very often) I do just fine. So i felt i didn't need to learn how to interact, but just find a way to get rid of the fear.

So thats why I asked myself the question: "how come i felt anxious free those moments?". When i think back, most of those moments appeared when i did something that made me feel good about myself (even if it was for a short while). Like when i made a real effort to achieve something and it paid off, or the first time i had a very nice job interview, etc.

That made me realise the answer to my question is confidence. And that focussing on just the fear, and trying to get rid of it by exposing yourself to the most difficult social situations, wasn't the answer for me. Usually that would lower my confidence even more (I used to think that i could only "start" living my life when this fear was gone, but actually the anxiousness goes away when you start living your life). I figured that getting positive experiences, achieving something that I worked hard for (and is challenging), being less hard on myself and accepting who or what i am, would do me more good.

So now I'm trying to experience more by trying out more stuff and stepping out of my comfortzone, setting challenging goals and working hard to achieve them and trying to give myself some slack and accepting my weaknesses (and very important, looking at my good qualities). This "strategy" really has done allot of good for me and i feel that i'm getting less anxious all around.

So these anxious free moments you are talking about made me realise that i don't need training in social situations per se, but that it is just the unrealistic fear i have and that selfconfidence is the key.

 

[jaim38]

Yes, I had these moments in the past, but took them for granted. I did some speeches in high school, and got good grades for them, but I thought of them as merely assignments to be completed and nothing more. Back then, I didn't care about social interactions, verbal skills, etc. I did what I had to do for each assignment/project to the best of my ability, and moved on. I was unconscious of the fact that I have social anxiety.

But nowadays, it's different. I congratulate myself every time I do a phone call, go outside and interact with people, or participate in some sort of social interaction. I don't take such things for granted anymore.

 

[Clemisnail]

But nowadays, it's different. I congratulate myself every time I do a phone call, go outside and interact with people, or participate in some sort of social interaction. I don't take such things for granted anymore.

Indeed, there were amazing moments in the past, but there are amazing ones to be made now too. I just wanted to emphasize this, because it's so easy to forget about today when yesterday seemed so much better (and just like you'll never get yesterday back, you won't get today back either).
Make it a challenge: be a hero once every month. Make yourself your own hero. Cheer yourself on. It is such a rush to surprise yourself (and others) with your abilities to persevere!
I personally force myself to up my dose of challenges before my birthday, like a final sprint

 

[Razzlecherry]

That made me realise the answer to my question is confidence. And that focussing on just the fear, and trying to get rid of it by exposing yourself to the most difficult social situations, wasn't the answer for me. Usually that would lower my confidence even more (I used to think that i could only "start" living my life when this fear was gone, but actually the anxiousness goes away when you start living your life). I figured that getting positive experiences, achieving something that I worked hard for (and is challenging), being less hard on myself and accepting who or what i am, would do me more good.

So now I'm trying to experience more by trying out more stuff and stepping out of my comfortzone, setting challenging goals and working hard to achieve them and trying to give myself some slack and accepting my weaknesses (and very important, looking at my good qualities). This "strategy" really has done allot of good for me and i feel that i'm getting less anxious all around.

So these anxious free moments you are talking about made me realise that i don't need training in social situations per se, but that it is just the unrealistic fear i have and that selfconfidence is the key.

This is so true. I've been basically doing the same thing just recently and it really does do wonders. It's all about the confidence.

 

[Livemylife]

Well I haven't always been this anxious. It got terrible a few years ago. But there was one period of time where I was temporarily anxiety free. It was 2012 I believe, can't remember how long it lasted, a few weeks maybe. Well I decided to pretend I was in my own little world, that no one else was around in public. It worked. I was also anxiety free for a while after Zoloft for 9 months. Then I "relapsed" back into anxiety.

 

[theslowesthand]

Not sure how relevant it is, but i'm reminded of some text i was studying last night:

"You may, at some time, have had a ‘peak’ experience, an ecstatic moment or a moment of greater understanding, when your consciousness expanded - and you knew it. When this occurs, the integration between left brain (logical thinking) and right brain (intuitive feelings and emotions) is manifested in increased energy-flow between the two sides. This is thinking and feeling in a holistic and balanced way. It is a foretaste of an evolutionary jump for humanity - and in essence, what the so-called New Age is all about - a new level of maturity in mental development, an awakening.

By learning how to arouse the whole brain, selectively and at will, the mode of consciousness may be freely altered, appropriate to the task or situation - whether a crisis, making music, relaxing, mental arithmetic, brainstorming, or contemplating nature.

In this new wide-awake consciousness, the world seems to be full of possibilities - it possesses a strong sense of rediscovered meaning. This is nothing mystical, it is essentially ordinary consciousness, operating for once at its proper efficiency"

 

[Earthcircle]

I'll try to word this in the clearest possible way...

Everyone of us must have memories from the past where he/she felt completely free from phobia or anxiety. It could be an event where you were unexpectedly brave and said or did something that amazed you afterwards. Something that you looked back at and told yourself "whoa, how did I do that?" and then giggled from your heart... It could be an event that left you positively puzzled, thinking "hmm that was weird. Was that actually me or another person?"

The question is: why? Why do you think those moments happened? Can you go back in your mind and trace the event and describe it vividly in written form? Yes, pick up a pen and paper or use your computer, and try to describe those events and why they happened and what exactly did you feel throughout and who was there and what feelings those who was there had. Write as much as possible and don't think twice, whatever comes to your mind write it down as it is. When you're done, come back later on and try to bring meaning out of it.

I can only say that something happened to give me confidence. It was usually something external, i.e. something good would actually have to happen to me first.

 

[Entangled]

You have very good advice here. I would like to comment though that you can not be completely 'cured' of social anxiety, but it's learning to keep it in check. Every person has some degree of anxiety when it comes to social events but some people handle it better than others.

 

[Quietguy11]

Yes, indeed I do have memories of a time when I was completely at peace with myself, never had any anxiety, phobia, and felt in every way connected and accepted by people around me. I don't know what caused me to revert into this fearful seclusion but it really has been a shocker in my life that I am still having difficulties adjusting to (if adjusting is even the right word to use.)

I remember a time in my past where I was not afraid to talk to girls. I had this confidence about me that the opposite sex was attracted to. I was always shy to a certain extent but there were always moments where the right words would just roll off the tip of my tongue and I would be able to share my true feelings without fearing that I would make a complete idiot of myself. Since dealing with social anxiety I am more afraid of the thought of being in a relationship because I would be too self-conscious now, which is another way of saying too self-aware from an internal perspective.

Since going through the stages of recovery from social anxiety I have experienced moments where I was completely free from social anxiety for a time, but it never would last long enough to give me hope. Now when I feel free from social anxiety I just enjoy the moment because I know the curse of it will return eventually and that I will be back to where I began but with a stronger form of coping skills and knowledge.

In many ways I feel like I have become a prisoner of my own body and mind, and that I will never fully live to the extent of the freedom from my past before I suffered with social anxiety but I still try to learn everything I can about this disorder so that I can find ways to make it easier to deal with.

When I think of where I was and where I am now, I can see a lot of improvement, and victory over these paralyzing symptoms, but there is still so much more improvement that needs to be done before I'm happy enough to consider myself a free man!

 

[uk_27]

Imagine being like that all the time......................hmmmmmmmmm

Well, those 'incidents' are proof that we can live an SA free life. You mind is obviously capable of it. You've proved that. Try and think about how you felt during those time and what was going through your head. You need to out that into practise to form habit.

(Don't worry, I know that is no easy task!!!! :-/) I given up thing that its impossible though! Just don't believe that. Never give up!