Relationships?

[FriendlyShadow]

Do you ever feel like you want to be in relationships. I basically, don't see the point in them(for me otherwise) I think they are just another way so that younger people feel like if they own a spouse that are confirmed as the other "normal" people. I don't know if I want a relationship(of course not now or even ever, I know kids from my art class have dated and yet I hear things from others saying the guy has cheated and stuff. I don't want to go through that right now. ANd why people cheat there is no excuse no matter what you say. It's the incorrect solution to ending a relationship and I'd never do that so that my boyfriend would be belittled.) I question though why kids would rather do this now, after they'll suffer through heart breaking agony, ignorance, and jealousy throughout their relationships. I might accept being single(I don't think I'm surprised to see jerks with jerks in relationships. I don't and won't know how that succeeds when it's impossible for it to keep going.) But I don't know. I'd rather live in house surrounded with a garden and nice flowers, with a white porch. This world is filled with too much idiocy.

 

[FallenFeathers]

Relationships are a funny issue for me. but I wanted a serious relationship for a long time, I think most people do.. it's pretty normal to want to find someone to share life with I think. I was aware a relationship is not sudden magic fix for your problems, but I got my wish and well..

My previous relationship.. well it started off great. I got with this person and I found it gave me the motivation to fight my problems even more with having someone else to think about. I genuinely became a lot happier and more positive towards life. The problem was the other person as time went on, it seemed like they were looking for someone to be in miserable with, not someone to be happy with. And I learned first hand just how ugly unresolved issues can be, more so when the person who has them is not even willing to try and work on them. To cut a long story short this person was not happy until they had made us both miserable and mentally and emotionally drained.

So while I was never naive, I became very cynical after that, because I found out later that despite this person being insanely paranoid to the point of being delusional, constantly questioning me, they had been the one to lie about a lot of things. I found it very hard to let someone get close again, and I wasn't willing to risk my happiness or mental well being so easily anymore.

I don't think I ever stopped wanting a relationship, but I did kind of accept being single a lot more healthily than I used to. And I decided I while I was not going to rule a relationship out wasn't going to actively look for a relationship anymore. It would give me time to work on my problems, and try and learn to get some happiness from life itself,rather than placing your happiness in the hands of a other. I went a long time without it really being an issue or playing on my mind at all, for me the majority of people are quite selfish and self centered in my opinion, I just didn't find anyone I thought was worth going through all the BS and games for.

Then I met the most amazing person ever,I tried so hard not to fall for this person for numerous reasons, worried I wasn't good enough, worried my problems meant it could maybe never be a healthy relationship. But these feelings never went away, they just got stronger so I took a risk, and I'm so glad I did, Ive never met a more caring giving genuine person in my life.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I want to congratulate you on finding your boyfriend, I know you shouldn't let this one go. However, I made a decision myself on whether I want to be single or not and I have found my solution as of now. I need to atleast be on a mission to search for a boyfriend who's aspects are nearly the same as mine, even in emotional compatiblities. I never want someone who's opposite. SOrry I got a little off topic.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I want to be in a relationship.

 

[rosewood]

i want to be in a relationship
but right at this moment i dont think i am in a very healthy place emotionally

i like the house with the white porch and flower garden, that appeals to me very much. :bigsmile:

 

[FallenFeathers]

I want to congratulate you on finding your boyfriend, I know you shouldn't let this one go. However, I made a decision myself on whether I want to be single or not and I have found my solution as of now. I need to atleast be on a mission to search for a boyfriend who's aspects are nearly the same as mine, even in emotional compatiblities. I never want someone who's opposite. SOrry I got a little off topic.

I'm a straight guy, but thank you I have no intentions of letting her go if I can help it . And it's your thread so get as off topic as you want to, you don't have to apologize for just sharing your thoughts though, and they seem relevant to me.

But yeah you have to do whatever is right for you at the time. You sound like you know what you want/need from a person/relationship which I think is a good thing as it can go bad if you walk into relationships blindly. But I would say never close your mind off completely to something either as contradictory as that might sound. You could meet someone who is your polar opposite, yet for some reason you click anyway and it just works.

Anyway Im babbling a bit cos Im tired, but good luck ^.^

 

[jaim38]

I also don't want to be in relationships at this time. I need to love myself before I go loving other people.

 

[Kiwong]

I want to get along with people enough, so that I can face doing the things I love which involve relating to people.

 

[hidwell]

I don't have to bother, so I don't.

 

[MikeyC]

I think they are just another way so that younger people feel like if they own a spouse that are confirmed as the other "normal" people.

Huh?

It's more of a thing that younger people want to explore love and intimacy because they're getting to a more active age where they're noticing the opposite sex. I don't think it's got anything to do with "normal."

I question though why kids would rather do this now, after they'll suffer through heart breaking agony, ignorance, and jealousy throughout their relationships.

Young love hardly ever ends well, but it's necessary to have for growth. Nobody ever gets it right the first time, male or female.

This world is filled with too much idiocy.

If that's all you choose to see, then you're right. I recall that you're a teenager yourself, if I'm not mistaken, but are you saying you've never had an attraction, even small, to anyone?

 

[Bigcarlittlewil]

Im going to speak from experience of being in love. This is going to be strictly coming from what i think is a good relationship. I love my fiance very much from the bottom of my heart and vice versa. When two people in love they form a relationship with each other, that does not constitute "owning" anyone. I don't feel like i dont own anything rather i feel i have something, a partner whom i can share my feelings and start a family with.

Now i know one thing that is true about all relationships, there are always fights, verbally and sometimes to the extent of being physical. But if two people really love each other they will find a way to forgive each other and thats how a rationship grows. Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, especially when it comes to sex. Its the best feeling ever when two people connect with each other. Sure there are sadness but there are happiness too, sometimes to have happiness you have to endure a little pain and its ok because you love that person and that person loves you.

Before going into a relationship make sure you know that person really love you and not faking it just to have sex and then ignore you afterwards. Because even if you break up with someone you really loved and that person loved you, you guys shared something you know, i know its sad but at that sametime if something can make you that sad, it had to be something that make you felt really good before, it makes you human...

Im typing this from my iphone, so sorry about my grammars.

 

[doctor_who]

i'm in my first relationship and i'm nearly 21. I think a relationship is not meant for young people, at school I had the feeling I wanted a boyfriend to be normal, but just that to be normal, to feel loved and to be wanted by someone. Throughtout school I thought I was ugly and nobody cared for me just cause no guy at school liked me. I have been in this relationship with my partner since 2011 and its great, I love him very much and I am old enough to know how I feel. Its all new experiences for me, and I should of gone through it all in my teenage years at school but i didn't, i still get the feeling of exictment because i haven't experienced anything like this. I think everything came a bit later for me but i'm glad i have found someone who i love, who i have a good time with and who i can be myself around.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Maybe I might be mistaken MikeyC. Some people might actually want relationships though if that's what other people are doing. I would never go into a relationship as quickly so that I can sustain my life better. I am rather confused why kids would rather riskn all of their opportunities to be limited with time of putting efforts of their rleationships. IMO, I wish people would actually reach in the older stage where they feel mature and responsible to handle serious relationships if they aren't nessecarily mature to understand the problems and commitments it takes to make it work. Now, that isn't to say I wasn't attracted to a few celebrities(they aren't what you'd call physically model lie attractive, but still) however, I'd wait say until I'm 18 and try online dating like I've alway been swearing to do. I'm not saying people shouldn't be attracted to whoever they want, I'm saying they don't understand(especially teenagers) do not understand how it works and that they aren't careful choosing their decisions wisely. They don't know what they are getting themselves into. Please Mikey, I'm not trying to offend anyone or you on here, I'm just saying that in today's world unfortunately, the teenagers aren't well educated to understand how serious it is. And most teenagers probably have sex without simply using a condom without realizing they are trasmitting unwanted STD"s without realizing they had any. ANd yes I'm still 16, but still I don't want to risk all of that trouble just because I want to share my life with another. I hope kids don't get into relationships just becaus ethey want to feel better either because they think once they can have a spouse, their lives are turned to cherries.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Maybe i should've changed the thread to "Why do adolescents need relationships?"

 

[FallenFeathers]

I love lions, I think you made some good points. I didn't realize you were on about younger people as I was tired and half sleep last night. I think you make some good points, and I think Mikey made some good points too.

I think society.. the media and various other thing can make younger people feel pressurized into feeling they need to be in a relationship to have a normal life, before they even understand like you say, the responsibility and effort they can take to really make work. I really think it's relevant what you say to everyone though..

The only real difference I think between adults and say teenagers, is the fact apart from the fact our hormones are a little more balanced Is we now have experience to draw on, but a lot of that experience comes from trial and error and learning from our mistakes the hard way. So maybe making the mistakes we do as young people is important to our growth and development like Mikey suggested.

But I know older people in their 30's and 40's who don't use that experience who repeat the same mistakes over and over again, who put unrealistic expectations on other people and relationships, and then they cant comprehend why they end up disappointed when the relationship doesn't magically fix all their problems and cure the issues they are unwilling to address themselves. Or they place all their expectations for happiness on another person instead of working with that person to achieve happiness together, which often ends up in them emotionally worse off when it does end So yeah I think this is an issue everyone faces even as they get older, I think as individuals we do have to take a lot of responsibility.. but it can be hard, I think we are selfish creatures at times in some ways and relationships are seen as some magical short cut to happiness.

 

[squidgee]

Maybe i should've changed the thread to "Why do adolescents need relationships?"

Agreeing with FallenFeathers here. It's not so much a need, more like a want. But I guess many teenagers and young adults feel the need to be in one because of how the media portrays adolescents. And then there's peer pressure, maybe they feel it enhances their social status or something. I agree with your point though, teenagers have more important things to focus on.

Do I want to be in a relationship now?
No, don't want relationship drama on top of other high school drama and exams.
In the future?
Perhaps, if I'm capable of finding someone.

 

[evelyn9]

Then I met the most amazing person ever,I tried so hard not to fall for this person for numerous reasons, worried I wasn't good enough, worried my problems meant it could maybe never be a healthy relationship. But these feelings never went away, they just got stronger so I took a risk, and I'm so glad I did, Ive never met a more caring giving genuine person in my life.

Hi, FallenFeathers,

I'm curious. How, while suffering from SA, were you able to form a relationship with someone?

There's someone I find interesting but whenever I develop a crush on someone, that's as far as it goes. I would never dream of even speaking to them because of my SA. So, how did you go about it?

 

[MikeyC]

Maybe I might be mistaken MikeyC. Some people might actually want relationships though if that's what other people are doing. I would never go into a relationship as quickly so that I can sustain my life better. I am rather confused why kids would rather riskn all of their opportunities to be limited with time of putting efforts of their rleationships. IMO, I wish people would actually reach in the older stage where they feel mature and responsible to handle serious relationships if they aren't nessecarily mature to understand the problems and commitments it takes to make it work. Now, that isn't to say I wasn't attracted to a few celebrities(they aren't what you'd call physically model lie attractive, but still) however, I'd wait say until I'm 18 and try online dating like I've alway been swearing to do. I'm not saying people shouldn't be attracted to whoever they want, I'm saying they don't understand(especially teenagers) do not understand how it works and that they aren't careful choosing their decisions wisely. They don't know what they are getting themselves into. Please Mikey, I'm not trying to offend anyone or you on here, I'm just saying that in today's world unfortunately, the teenagers aren't well educated to understand how serious it is. And most teenagers probably have sex without simply using a condom without realizing they are trasmitting unwanted STD"s without realizing they had any. ANd yes I'm still 16, but still I don't want to risk all of that trouble just because I want to share my life with another. I hope kids don't get into relationships just becaus ethey want to feel better either because they think once they can have a spouse, their lives are turned to cherries.

I read this post and a lot of it sounds like your personal opinion.

I understand the need for caution regarding STD's, but rather than preventing sex, educating teenagers of the dangers of passing these diseases on is paramount. Will all of them listen? Of course not, but having the knowledge is a good start.

I also agree that teenagers don't fully understand the seriousness of relationships...but what's the solution? Not have relationships at all? Teenagers need to learn, and, as I said, nobody gets it right the first time. Men and women get their heart broken (as mine has been), but that's how you learn for the next one. It might take 10 partners to get it right, before settling down with Mr. or Mrs. Right. Much like learning to drive, you can't jump into a car and begin by doing 110km/h down the freeway - you've got to start slowly and you're going to stall the car and it's not going to be smooth. However, after a while, you get used to it, and it becomes a breeze. Much like the dating world, you're going to make mistakes, but you will learn, as will the partners you've left behind.

You say you want to do online dating, which is fine, but you still have to meet up eventually. This tells me that you do want a future partner, and 18 is not far away from your age today...which is still a teenager.

You're not offending me, but I'm just struggling to see the reasoning behind your post.

 

[FallenFeathers]

So, how did you go about it?

Hey

Well I will be 30 in a few years time and Ive had quite bad social anxiety for as long as i can remember but despite that Ive managed to have a few relationships in my life, some went better than others.

Most of my relationships have formed out of friendships, I'm too shy in social situations to really go out to pubs or clubs and do the whole dating things. I did actually try it for a while but I didn't like it and didn't feel like it was leading me to the sort of people I would have anything in common with or form any connection with.

So yeah friendships have been whats led to relationships more than anything for me. I didn't go round befriending people in the hopes of it turning into something more, I guess I just let them happen naturally. But they have been the only feasible way for me, partly because I am a sensitive person, Ive took a risk on people in the past and dated people not fully knowing them, the reality is not all people are nice, Ive ended up very hurt because I was naive and gave my heart away too easily before Ive seen their true nature.

But I did have to take risks at some point. Like say Ive had to weigh up.. I really like this person but we have a beautiful friendship.. am I willing to loose that if me revealing my feelings somehow change things or make things awkward or they don't feel the same way. And I think you have to take risks however you are going to approach relationships, while it's important not to get cynical and negative, for me it's also been important to be very aware of all the possible outcomes,good and bad and honestly assess if you feel like you can handle them.