Really embarassed myself today...

[Social-E-Aukward]

So, today I spent some time with a close friend who hasn't been doing too well. Another one of her friends came over and we all worked together on cleaning her house up. I don't have a problem with her friend, I just felt awkward. I don't normally hang out with other people. I had to leave not long after her friend showed up. When I was leaving, I said goodbye to her and was on my way out when I realized I'd left my coat... so, I went back to get it. They stopped talking when they saw me... I walked past her and her friend in the hallway and I explained that I'd left my coat. They must have been having a private conversation, and I felt like I was intruding. What's worse is that when I got to my car, I realized I'd left my bag... so then I had to go back and get it too. Again, I walked in when they were talking and they stopped and sort of stared at me. I picked up my bag and muttered that I was sorry, saying that I'd see her on Sunday (we've had plans to hang out on Sunday for several weeks now, 'cause my birthday is coming up).

I realized when I was driving home that I hadn't said anything at all to her friend since I'd first left. He and I don't run into each other much and I'm concerned that I may have given them the wrong idea, like maybe I have a problem with him, because I'm sure it looked like I was pretending he didn't exist. I'd like to be on a friend basis with him, because he's one of her closest friends and I'd like to hang out with them more.

My friend tells me a lot that I make her uncomfortable when her friends are around. She says I act differently when someone else is around, and I know it's true. I don't know them very well, and I can't help it. I'm afraid I just did the same thing again... I just feel really embarrassed, and it's been bothering me all day.

 

[punklove]

Awww I'm really sorry you feel that way.
Doesn't your friend know you have SAD?
Maybe you should explain it to her.

 

[coyote]

maybe you should just explain it to her

just like you did here

 

[zav943]

I can relate...
I generally steer clear completely from these situations, but when I do, I'm very awkward as well.

But ask yourself this: Why is it YOUR fault? Did *he* try to put any effort into talking with you? I find that people in general never bother to initiate a conversation with me, so why blame myself for the awkwardness?

But anyway, the best advice is, like coyote said, talk to her. Be honest about your social anxiety issues. I'm sure, if she's a true friend, she will understand.

 

[Social-E-Aukward]

I can relate...
I generally steer clear completely from these situations, but when I do, I'm very awkward as well.

But ask yourself this: Why is it YOUR fault? Did *he* try to put any effort into talking with you? I find that people in general never bother to initiate a conversation with me, so why blame myself for the awkwardness?

But anyway, the best advice is, like coyote said, talk to her. Be honest about your social anxiety issues. I'm sure, if she's a true friend, she will understand.

I figure it's my fault because if I did make them feel awkward, then I failed because I was aware that I was making them feel awkward and wasn't able to think up a way to stop it. I'm sure she knew I was feeling awkward, but for her, stepping up and saying hi, how are you, and was nice to see you again, goodbye... it isn't so hard for her.

She's able to function alright enough with people to hang out with groups and still have a good time. I know it's hard for her to understand or believe me when I tell her how stressed I get. It's not really something I can expect or demand that she understand because it's almost a foreign concept. She really does try to understand though, even when it's hard. That's a big part of what makes her such a good friend... most people I meet don't seem to even try.

 

[Hastings & Main]

Nothing to be embarassed about, honest. Yeah, I know - it can't be helped feeling it.
I've done similar things countless times, like some stupid super-power I couldn't control (the ability to radiate un-ease!! Make criminals stand around in an uncomfortable silence til the cops show up!).

Examine how you act in these situations: did you look sheepish when returning to walk past them? Brazen it out, use a different form - say something like, (with a big grin, apologetic, hands out) "Sorry, my minds on other things, just gotta get my coat!" As for the second time, maybe "This is how distracted I am. A thousand apologies...".
Although it may have been nervousness making you forget the items in the first place, so try focusing on the moment and what your needs are instead of what's going on around you, like "How do I look to these people?" etc. which always trips people like us up.

But as zav943 said, the friend of hers wasn't very open himself, so forget about him. And bring up your SA with her so she starts to understand you.

 

[byar]

My friends tell me that I act around their friends as if they didn't exist.

 

[Anti Matter]

Tbh I'm in the same boat as you I'm too shy to even acknowledge that they exist. It's like a defense mechanism, I always think I will make a total ass of myself if I act "normally". So I just try to be the weird quiet one. Never really works out too well.

Still there is nothing wrong with what you did at all. It's just nerves and no one can judge you for that.

 

[tiscircle]

I think that you not talking to her friend is acceptable considering that you don't normally hang out with people. They should understand that.

I mean I too rarely hang out with ppl and so I thought just talking with people is just not normal.