I'm going through all my passwords today, as I have been meaning to do for about 4 years now. I don't trust them being saved on my browser and phone and all that, so I am manually writing them all down so I don't get frustrated when I inevitably forget one and can't log in to something.
Through the process though, I am going through a lot of old sites. Some are just dead, or from old jobs or college links or things like that. I came across a saved recording I had of an old roommate who would cackle when he laughed, and decided to share with SPW once. And I of course came across some old chat logs and deleted forum posts I wanted to save for just me. It got the nostalgia going like it always does, but I took something different away from it this time.
Back then I always came off as so optimistic, which is how I wanted to be. But inside I was miserable, probably more so than I can say I have been for a while. But I challenged those feelings head on, and stayed positive and optimistic to the point of naivety and great annoyance to anyone not in the mood. I didn't ignore the anxiety and depression, but I had such a strong feeling within me that things were going to be ok if I kept the right head on my shoulders and tried my best.
I know I'm really not like that anymore. I wonder if my focus should be trying to be like that again, or at least reclaim some of the good bits. It's not that hard to smile throughout my day. And that's all it really takes, you know?