New relationship but not really sure it's gonna work out~ been very honest with it but yeah- maybe this is the life of someone who is poor with social skills. I get joy out of chatting with them but still I feel like they have high expectations of me when I would prefer someone that has no expectations at all and accepts me as I am. Mainly a lot of flaws/self deprecation.
Is sort of like my first relationship ever and she is my opposite- very very experienced. Honestly not sure if I can handle this but I'll consider it a good experience while it lasts. Also probably not good thinking to get into a relationship expecting it to fail. Just trying to be very honest with everything and I was thinking that people and relationships are like trying on different shoes so even if it ends up falling apart I'm not gonna let myself get too down about it because sometimes the shoe just doesn't fit or feel comfortable so we have to try another shoe. Better than trying to fit into shoes you're not comfortable with.
Then some people just remain barefoot for their entire lives which doesn't sound that bad actually. The older I get the more I like the idea of singledom. Though I also like the idea of bonding with someone and I may never someone that can put up with me longterm so it's worth a shot.
Either way- she's pretty perfect except for her expectations of me lol. I feel like I'll let her down or something. I just need to keep up this hard work for the next month and pass my classes, she doesn't like when I get depressed about them and end up not doing my schoolwork. Sort of encourages me to actually focus more but then at times she doesn't because I end up talking with her all night~ I don't expect it to last but who knows, maybe it will, maybe it won't.
I feel pretty stone cold about it because I can do with or without the relationship at this point.
If she breaks up with me then that's okay. If she doesn't then I can still be horny/romantic/stupid with someone and I've come to accept that people are always coming and going. Based on her history I tend to feel like she'll go pretty quickly on me but- she said she has changed from her past and is completely different now aka she is now having anxiety issues and is completely different than she used to be and I can sort of see how she is a lot different than what she had done in her past. I guess in a lot of cases it's not good to look into your partner's past but yeah it came up and was sort of revealing. Intimidating even. I guess it's better to find out though than to wonder, not like I didn't know, I sort of had an idea but yeah.