Poll: Is it honestly a good idea to stand up for yourself?

[Mehh]

I mean, I know everyone says standing up for yourself is the best and sometimes only way to get out of a bullying situation. But sometimes it's not even worth it, and the situation gets worse after we try to defend ourselves. I'm also kind of harassed a lot by these girls in school and I'm wondering if telling them to leave me alone is really a good idea. In a lot of cases, the bullying just intensifies. I mean how often do you think they'll just stop all together if you try to tell them off?

I want to know what you guys think.

 

[EasySkanking]

Sometimes it's best to just ignore them (in other words, not let their actions/words/feelings afffect you at all). But standing up for yourself (when needed) is a good idea and builds a sense of security. I love to stand up for myself... it's like the anti-drug to my problems. Bullying cause my Social Anxiety, so when I show myself that I can stand up for myself, it makes me extremely happy.

 

[3lefts]

Yeah, more often then not ignoring is just what works. Seems to be what I do best.
Funny thing is when it's not myself and someone else I kind of awkwardly force myself to do something about it... and it ends up awkward.
As the above says there are times when you need to stand up for yourself, and times when it doesn't matter and best to walk away...

 

[pjcarter85]

You may get the bully angry, and they may get more aggressive, or even beat you up. Or if they were already beating you up, you may get beaten up worse. Bullies are cowards and will always pick someone weaker than them to victimize. Sometimes they're wrong and you can defend yourself better than they thought, but I think that's the exception. I tried to fight back twice but ended up getting beaten up worse, becaue the bully was angry. If ignoring them or walking away works, that's the best way.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I think it depends on how much it bothers you. If the harassment will keep you up at night or cause you to dread going to school then I'd say that you should stand up for yourself. If it's something that you can shrug off then there is no need to say anything.
Standing up for yourself is not about taunting them back or getting into a fight. It's about letting them know that you have feelings same as them and that you have done nothing to deserve their hostility. If they have any sense in their head then they will cut the horse ****. You can get your feelings across without yelling at them or attacking them. Be calm yet firm. Stand your ground and look them in the eye. It's worth it.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, it depends on the situation and the people.
Sometimes other approaches work best, like ignoring... Even then, it's good to ignore with an assertive posture and sort of like you have a purpose to go somewhere and just don't want to be bothered. Sometimes it helps to look grim or annoyed... (Maybe people won't dare to mess with you then..) and busy, like you're rushing to a meeting or have a clearly defined purpose..

It can also help to find allies... Do you have any other people who could just by their presence stop any untoward behavior?
Like if it's two or three of you together, or more, some people won't dare do anything... Some are really cowards and only 'attack' when a person is alone.. like dogs... some bark at one person, but shut up if it's three people together.. Can you connect with other people? Maybe other loners or other friendly and nice people? Maybe even the librarian or the cooks or the janitor man (if those are sort of recpected/feared a bit by the bully girls...?) or any teachers that don't have problems with them...

Sometimes joking can help, humor can disperse situation.. It depends what happens and how.. And how you go about it.. I was never harassed by girls, so don't have any good answers.. I might tell'em, 'You got a crush on me or something?' (When we were little, sometimes little boys teased the girls they liked, or such..) Though not sure if this wouldn't provoke them more, lol.. I'd probably just laugh it off.. if possible..

When does this happen? In what kind of situation? What happens exactly? Who are these girls - 'the elite' or 'bitchy punk/rockstars' or...?? Do they ever get into physical fights or just talk? All things to consider..
Do you have a school counsellor or trusted teacher that could help? (Or parent/sibling that could yell at them and tell'em off?) Is there an anti-bullying program at the school? Also, how old are you, girl or boy, and what kind of school is it? Might help to give you any more answers/ideas...

 

[pjcarter85]

I was able to walk away sometimes, but once, when I was walking away, the bully slugged me from behind, and I fell down. The bullies that I dealt with knew they didn't have to worry about me fighting back, even if I tried, so I was lucky when they left me alone.

 

[pjcarter85]

Some of us can do that, but I never could. When I took martial arts in middle school (I was never able to advance), the teacher saw me try to throw a punch, and he said "I hope no one ever gets mad at you." Unfortunately, a lot of people did.

 

[NGP]

You always stand up for yourself. Do whatever you would do if someone did that same thing to your child. It takes work to get that state of mind, years in fact. I am far from complete.

 

[Felgen]

Standing up for yourself is almost always good. I lost my job for standing up for myself against a boss, but it was worth it.

Edit: This was through an employment agency, so I would have been laid off anyway because this certain boss didn't like me.

 

[pjcarter85]

Better at work than alone with a violent bully.

 

[Lord Baltimore]

Depends. I'm 6 foot, 205 lbs so i could pretty easily hold my own against your average joe physically. However, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Is it worth the possible consequences if i slap the s%#t out of this guy, etc. etc. Typically i will put up with almost anything but i draw the line at somebody hitting me or somebody saying personal s*** about my family or certain friends

 

[BlackPuma]

Standing up for yourself needn't always be a heroic stance against said bully. Standing up for yourself can also mean ignoring the bully which will make him/her loose interest. In essence, it merely mean taking up behavior and mentality that is going to be beneficial for you in the long run.

Some bullies might get scared off after you show them you mean business, but others might just call in a couple of friends and continue doing what they're already doing. It's a cowardly act, but it happens. In this case it would be better to endure and lay low, as it's what keeps you most safe.

I for one had to endure it, because everyone around here has connections. Mess with wrong person, and my eyes could have been a couple of shades darker, if not worse. The worst thing is you never know whom knows who, so I was always fishing in the dark. Forcing me to play it safe.

Like I said; do what's best for yourself. Evaluate the situation, and then act upon it.

 

[Predacon]

I think you have to pick your battles. It's important to stand up for yourself, but if you're confronted by a whole group, it might be better back down before things escalate.

 

[da_illest101]

I recommend you to stand up for yourself and hopefully you won't have to get violent on them like i had to. Those people never stop until you make them stop, you own it to yourself to have peace. also be ready to accept whatever consequences that might happen after

 

[pjcarter85]

To those who say fighting back physically is a good idea when you think you have a chance of prevailing: whenever I thought I could defend myself by fighting back, I was wrong.

Ironically, when the most violent bully in my life started to pick on me, I thought I could defend myself against him, because I was bigger and older than him. At first, before he got physical, and he was just making fun of me, I just thought of him as a little pest. I tried to hit him when he was slapping me around, but then he got seriously violent, and I learned not to try again.

You can't really be sure of the consequences until you've gotten them, and once you've gotten them, there's no turning back.

But ignoring or walking away works sometimes. (Unfortunately, it didn't work with him.)

 

[Northern Lad]

Yes but not everyone can so you have to use whatever skills you have and rememeber just because you cant use your fists does not make you weak or a bad person.

It's a tough universe. There's all sorts of people and things trying to do you, ... If you're going to survive out there, you've really got to know where your towel is. ...

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I tend to stand up for people who can't stand up for themselves much more often than standing up for myself.
Why?
Don't know. I've been a 'hero' to many people but never myself.
I guess it might be 'damsel syndrome' or something? Maybe I'm waiting for someone else to man up and stand up for me, because I stand up for everyone else?

Or maybe I'm much more tolerant of people being jerks to me than I am of people openly being jerks to others? Does that make sense?
Oh well.

 

[Northern Lad]

I know what you mean i went on to become a support worker for people with learning disabilities.

It's a tough universe. There's all sorts of people and things trying to do you, ... If you're going to survive out there, you've really got to know where your towel is. ...