Please Help

singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
There is a friend of mine hat has been persistently asking me out for a while now. Each time i explain in the nicest way possible that i am just not ready...

This boy is starting to hate me for it, all i did was explain i couldn't be in a relationship but he doesn't understand...

What do i do?
I dont want to hurt anyone...

::(:
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
If you're not ready, then you're not ready. If he is starting to hate you, he's NOT the right guy for you. Unfortunately, being hurt is part of asking a girl out. You don't owe him anything.....It's not like you exist for his benefit. He'll get over it. As a guy who's been rejected enough times, I know.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
This reminds me of an article I read some time ago where men feel they're owed a great woman. When they start realising that reality isn't like the movies, they feel let down and then start blaming and hating the woman for not wanting to date them.

I have felt this way, and I'm ashamed of it. It takes some mental power to realise that women aren't doing anything wrong by rejecting me, because it's probably my fault.

There's nothing else you can do here. You don't like him, so you're not obliged to date him. If he gets mad, it's because he's angry at the injustice, but it also means that he's certainly not the man for you, as ImNotMyIllness pointed out.

Don't give in to his feelings. Keep rejecting him. He may never talk to you again but that's how it sometimes happens.
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
This reminds me of an article I read some time ago where men feel they're owed a great woman. When they start realising that reality isn't like the movies, they feel let down and then start blaming and hating the woman for not wanting to date them.

I have felt this way, and I'm ashamed of it. It takes some mental power to realise that women aren't doing anything wrong by rejecting me, because it's probably my fault.

There's nothing else you can do here. You don't like him, so you're not obliged to date him. If he gets mad, it's because he's angry at the injustice, but it also means that he's certainly not the man for you, as ImNotMyIllness pointed out.

Don't give in to his feelings. Keep rejecting him. He may never talk to you again but that's how it sometimes happens.
Click to expand...

Great points Mikey! Although, I don't think you were ever at fault. It's just a compatibility thing or the timing was off.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
ImNotMyIllness said:
Great points Mikey! Although, I don't think you were ever at fault. It's just a compatibility thing or the timing was off.
Click to expand...
My ex was certainly my fault...but this is not my thread, so I'll explain another time. ::p:

I'll try and find that article.
 
kihira

kihira

1
singing-love said:
There is a friend of mine hat has been persistently asking me out for a while now. Each time i explain in the nicest way possible that i am just not ready...

This boy is starting to hate me for it, all i did was explain i couldn't be in a relationship but he doesn't understand...

What do i do?
I dont want to hurt anyone...

::(:
Click to expand...

Are you not ready or are you not interested? If you say you are not ready, then he will keep coming back to see if now is the time. If you are not interested, then say it, he is unlikely to take the hint any other way
 
greggy

greggy

Well-known member
The thing is, whatever reason you have for turning him down is your desicion, he should respect that, and if he really cares about you then he wouldn't want to lose the friendship you have.
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
I wish he saw it that way. I told him the truth and just got abused for it. He hates me now.....At least i was honest.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Screw this guy! You deserve someone better than him, anyway. He's just hateful because he didn't get what he wanted. Forget him.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
It's not sad. You don't want to see him upset, but at the same time he needs to accept that you've said no. In time he might taper off but for now I would be cutting all contact with him so he has the opportunity to get over you. Harsh? Maybe. But it's necessary.

I'm a male myself and I know that if you gave him any indication of any slight interest, he will take it. Don't string him along, as it will lead to hurt on both sides.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
I had similar experiences too. Some guys are ok with my rejection but others get pissed and act mean to me. Since you are not interested in this guy at all, tell him not to wait for you, that there are plenty of fishes in the sea...
 
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