Hi. I'm not sure that I'm posting this in the correct spot, but I'm going to give it a go. The moderator can surely move it to the proper place if I'm wrong, right?
Anyway, I'm trying to find someone with the same problem as me that can give me some advice as to what works for them. I've had a phobia of having my picture taken since I was just a toddler. Actually, it started when I was a baby according to my mother. I would scream blue murder if anyone pointed a camera in my direction. In my toddler years nothing changed. My parents don't have very many pics of me during that time because the ones they do have show me mainly with red swollen eyes and cheeks because of all the crying. Elementary shool years were a little better, but not much. Teen years about the same. Twenties same. As long as I was out with friends, having fun, I could handle having my pic taken, but only if it was very quickly done. No posing, no adjusting, no stress. Family get togethers became a horror for me. I dreaded going.
I know some of the problem stems from the way my parents dealt with me when I was very young - they got very mad. Picture taking became a horrendous ordeal because my parents did not understand how difficult it already was for me, and they just made it ten times worse.
Anyway, back to the present.
![Smile :) :)](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
I'm in my thirties now. I'm okay with handling cameras, I'm okay with seeing the pics of me afterward (tho' 75% of the time I don't like them), and I'm okay with other people seeing the pics. It's the process itself that is the problem. My worst experience was just over a year ago. My boss decided she wanted pictures of the staff to put on the wall in our reception area (I work in an animal hospital). One of our clients is a professional photographer, and brought all of his equipment with him - backdrop, lighting, etc. I decided it would be best if I went first so that I didn't have to wait and wonder when my turn was going to be (negative anticipation not good). Bad decision as it turns out. He took forEVER getting the lighting the way he wanted it, not to mention my positioning. It was turn your head slightly to the left, now lift your chin just a tad, no not that much, now smile, that's not a smile, and it went on an on... When I saw the pics several days later I realized that even though I was trying to smile, I actually looked angry. Needless to say, no pic on the wall. Anyway, back to the story. I ended up in fight or flight - actual panic attack mode, and I've never done that before. I would like to NOT repeat it! I really feel for those of you who deal with this on a more regular basis. Anyway, I had to leave the hospital. I was shaking, nauseous, sweaty, I felt a migraine coming on, my heart rate was sky high, as I'm sure my blood pressure was, and I know I wasn't thinking straight. To this day, I just have to hear his voice in the reception area when he brings his little dog in, and my heart rate goes up. I don't even have to actually see him or be in the same room. It's too bad really because he's a very nice fellow. I just can't talk to him about it and why I seem to be avoiding him every time he comes.
I'm trying to desensitize myself by allowing only good (and quite quick) picture-taking experiences, but it doesn't seem to be making a lot of difference. It's still really difficult. I'm not sure where to go for help. I've never met anyone else with this problem, nor have I actually even heard of someone else with it. I'm sure there's someone somewhere... :?
Sorry for the long story. I just wanted to explain where I'm coming from. If someone has some experience with this and can give me some advice, that'd be awesome! I won't be on computer again, though, until Monday now, so won't be able to respond 'til then. Thanks so much for letting me get that all out!