people staring and looking away

leo1000

Member
hello. Two things have been happening to me whenever I go out. I would like to know why people do these things. I am 34years old, 5'8, weigh 230 pounds and have social anxiety. the first situation is very strange and it lowers my confidence. As I am walking there are people on the opposite sidewalk that are just standing and staring at me. I sometimes know that they are staring, so when I stare back at them they quickly start to walk again and some of them have a smirk on their face or start looking at their phone. I think this is a form of bullying. it is like a power game where they think "I made you look and made you feel like a fool". Or it is a "one up" situation where they get their ego raised because they made me feel bad. When I stare back at them some of them are grooming their hair (WFT). I think these people do this because they think I am sad, fat, ugly or I am a loner so they think they can mess with me. It makes me angry because when I stare back at them, they do not look back at me so we can get in a staring contest. The people that look back, I usually stare them down (90 percent of the time). I also think that because of my social anxiety they think I am an easy target. I have noticed that 60 percent of the people that do these things, are very ****ed up themselves. I think that people do these kinds of things to "own", "one up" or hurt someone. Thank you for reading and posting your reply.
 
Hello leo1000,

First of all, welcome to SPW, I have to say that I first joined this forum for the same reason.

I had many people staring at me, not for the same reason, but I suppose it was because of the way I used to walk (I have a mild hunchback), everywhere I went.

Once, while walking in a small street, there were 4 peeps standing and normally talking to each other, as soon as they saw me coming they stopped and started staring at me, my heart started beating, out of panic I crossed the way in an abrupt manner, just to avoid getting past them, a car almost hit me...

Now I came to understand that not all of them have bad intentions, some just might stare out of complete curiosity and look away as soon as they catch a hint of discomfort in you whereas others might do it for the reason you mentioned.

Whatever the reason, don't throw bananas at the monkey, otherwise it might act even crazier... if you get what I mean.

Ignoring them is the best way there is, it's a work you have to do on yourself, It takes self-discipline I am afraid I can't help you more with that.
You have to tell yourself that wherever you go, only your goal really matters, everything that is in between is futile.
 

Acegame

Well-known member
Hi leo, welcome to the forum.

It's true that there are people who play these kind of psychological games and it boosts their ego if they "win" (like when you'd look away when you pass). Always trying to impress others to show how tough and manly they are. Kinda sad really.

These kind of people used to bother me too in the past. Now i don't even care if someone would laugh at me in my face. It would only make me a bit angry inside how stupid that person is, but i wouldn't feel ashamed. Because like you said, people who do that are kinda messed up themselves and i don't care what those people would think of me since i would never want to be friends with them.

I guess self image is key here. The lower your self image the tougher it is and the more ashamed you feel. If you accept the way you are and you're confident about who you are, this stuff will not bother you.
 

leo1000

Member
Thanks Acegame. Even my psychologist could not tell me why people play these games. Best thing is to ignore them then they feel so ****ing stupid. It makes me so angry that these people have to play these games to boost their ego. Sometimes, I beat them at their own game and see how stupid they really are. Honestly, I think to feel confident outside, you have to learn how to play these games. Some people have really "mastered " these games. I'm an easy target because of social anxiety.
 
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Megaten

Well-known member
Thanks Acegame. Even my psychologist could not tell me why people play these games. Best thing is to ignore them then they feel so ****ing stupid. It makes me so angry that these people have to play these games to boost their ego. Sometimes, I beat them at their own game and see how stupid they really are. Honestly, I think to feel confident outside, you have to learn how to play these games. Some people have really "mastered " these games. I'm an easy target because of social anxiety.

I dont think its so much people playing a game or power struggle. Its just some, if they find something out of the ordinary or funny, arent polite enough to not stare. At least they're not taking pictures. I was in line at Walmart and had a guy behind me take a picture then tried to look casual when I looked at him. I heard the damn thing click so I wasnt fooled lol. But I think he was taking it of this poor bald lady in front of me.
 

Acegame

Well-known member
Honestly, I think to feel confident outside, you have to learn how to play these games.

I don't think so to be honest. Confidence is key here. If you are confident enough and happy with who you are, you don't care even if someone is staring at you for 5 minutes.

Little confidence and a low self image is the cause of many mental problems, like social phobia (or addictions etc). You'll see that when you gain confidence or think better of yourself you'll be less socially anxious and those stupid little games will not bother you.

But gaining confidence and getting a better self image is easier said than done. It took me a long time, but when i realised that in order to gain confidence i had to step out of my comfort zone and accomplish goals that are challenging for me i started making progress. But accepting who you are, that you make mistakes and are anxious at times is also important. And realising that you are not the only one who struggles with this (this website helped me alot with that)
 

leo1000

Member
thanks acegame. I have noticed that when I am feeling confident and happy these things happen a lot less. During my twenties when I had a good job and good relationships, no one messed with me. I used to go out everywhere by myself and nothing ever happened to me. Maybe people mess with me because they think I am down on my luck. They see my body language and facial expressions. I really need to improve my self image.
 
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wise_wind

Well-known member
I do have the same issue as you. I feel that learning to ignore those stares might be helpful. It's difficult to develop this habit at first, but eventually it will get better. :)
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
You might be overthinking it. Sometimes people stare at other people for no reason at all, or they just stare into the distance. There was a thread a few months ago about someone who noticed another person staring at them continuously. Often times there's just no reason, they just happen to be staring in your general direction.

On the other hand, it is true that the more 'fragile' or 'weak' you seem, the easier it is for other people to prey on you some way or another.
 

leo1000

Member
Hello guys. This week I have been going out and not giving a f**k about people staring or having a smirk on their faces when they see me. I have held my head high. Acegame was right about improving my self image. I also keep in mind that the person trying to mess with me is an *******. It really feels nice when you ignore someone trying to mess with you. It feels even nicer when you don't even care about that person messing with you.
 
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