People on the outside don't understand

[emre43]

I just told a guy my life story online. That I am 22 years old, had a tough life, never had a girlfriend and got this response from him:

Wow....unconfident loser. That's what type of man this world needs. You're supposed to be a man. Suck it up and stop bitching. Here's what I want you to do. Get buff and kick someones *** and you will get any girl you want because that's just how it works.

 

[YellowBird]

obviously that guy is a moron,you don't need advice from people like that,and thank goodness not all 'normal' people are like that.

 

[Falkor]

The unconfident loser part is a little rude don't cha think?
But the rest of it makes sense though. I mean you have to stand up for yourself other than that you can be kicked in your butt yourself.

Meanwhile reading the phrase you can get the message that he wants you to be more tough and happy for YOURSELF, but it's not really like he is putting it like that, so I don't have a good feeling about that guy. What made you feel like sharing this to Him? Why him? Did he seem nice or such?

But It's really harsh I'd say. I think a real friend would have responded WAY different. and more in a friendly-caring way.
I mean, why should somebody react like that? O_O I mean, telling a life story, they should be asking why that is and help you through.

avoid him, not like SA would, just for the sake of peace that you won't be humilitated by a dude like that. jeez.

 

[emre43]

The thing is that I can stick up for myself and have stood up to people before. But I'm a gentle giant I don't want to go round beating people up to get a girlfriend. He seemed alright and friendly and I told him that I had troubles and he said he would listen to what they were. When I told him I just got that response.

 

[Flyingheart]

What I've come to expect now is that people who haven't been through social anxiety/phobia or any kind of "serious" anxiety would not understand what people who have been, are feeling. It may sound arrogant or disdainful but true, 'least in my opinion. But especially so from someone who is a stranger online. They don't have any kind of bond with you (at least not the strong kind) so it's not even that they'd care enough to even try to offer a more constructive advice or support to you.
I think whether or not people understand is not important. Some people will understand better than others. He sounded like he was trying to help and not just calling you unconfident...I guess everyone has a different way to handle the situation and he obviously sounds like he has a very shallow knowledge of SA.
Just as long as you know who you are and you're doing your best to help yourself, that's all that matters.

 

[Silatuyok]

What an idiot. He probably does/has none of those things he talks so big about.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I just told a guy my life story online. That I am 22 years old, had a tough life, never had a girlfriend and got this response from him:

Wow....unconfident loser. That's what type of man this world needs. You're supposed to be a man. Suck it up and stop bitching. Here's what I want you to do. Get buff and kick someones *** and you will get any girl you want because that's just how it works.

Interesting. I wouldn't describe myself as particularly "buff", and the last time I came remotely close to "kicking someone's ***" was in high school, and yet somehow I've still managed to get a girlfriend or two. So either I just happened to get extremely lucky, or this guy is full of ****. I know which one I think it is.

 

[emre43]

Interesting. I wouldn't describe myself as particularly "buff", and the last time I came remotely close to "kicking someone's ***" was in high school, and yet somehow I've still managed to get a girlfriend or two. So either I just happened to get extremely lucky, or this guy is full of ****. I know which one I think it is.

Cheers mate

 

[emre43]

What an idiot. He probably does/has none of those things he talks so big about.

That's what I've found. It's often the ones who feel the need to belittle others that insecure themselves. I am constantly finding cases where this quote by Alfred Adler becomes necessary:

"We should not be astonished if in the cases where we see an inferiority [feeling] complex we find a superiority complex more or less hidden. On the other hand, if we inquire into a superiority complex and study its continuity, we can always find a more or less hidden inferiority [feeling] complex."

"If a person is a show-off it is only because he feels inferior, because he does not feel strong enough to compete with others on the useful side of life. That is why he stays on the useless side. He is not in harmony with society. It seems to be a trait of human nature that when individuals - both children and adults - feel weak, they want to solve the problems of life in such a way as to obtain personal superiority without any admixture of social interest. A superiority complex is a second phase. It is a compensation for the inferiority [feeling] complex."

"The superiority complex is one of the ways which a person with an inferiority [feeling] complex may use as a method of escape from his difficulties. He assumes that he is superior when he is not, and this false success compensates him for the state of inferiority which he cannot bear. The normal person does not have a superiority complex, he does not even have a sense of superiority. He has the striving to be superior in the sense that we all have ambition to be successful; but so long as this striving is expressed in work it does not lead to false valuations, which are at the root of mental disease."

 

[emre43]

Apart from being called a loser I think the comment where he said 'you're just what the world needs' has damaged me the most. What exactly does the world need? More soldiers to add to add to the unnecessary bloodshed? I'm passionate, I give to charity about things I care about (and I barely have enough money for myself anyway) and I try to help others. Why am I treated like I'm some sort of stain on society?

Not once in my life have I wanted to call somebody else a name or hurt anybody. So why am I singled out to be treated like the punching bag? Do people just jump on the bandwagon because I'm an easy target? I was bullied throughout my school life by both boys and girls. I told this guy that as well. It semms people remain the same throughout their lives. This guy was probably a bully at school and still is one now and I am still the little kid that took all the flak at school that I am now. Despite my problems I've always remained positive that the tables will turn. I have seen three counsellors and they have helped me so much and I will always appreciate their help but this comment has brought me the closest to depression that I've ever been and it feels as if all their work has been undone.

 

[Azael]

I just told a guy my life story online. That I am 22 years old, had a tough life, never had a girlfriend and got this response from him:

Wow....unconfident loser. That's what type of man this world needs. You're supposed to be a man. Suck it up and stop bitching. Here's what I want you to do. Get buff and kick someones *** and you will get any girl you want because that's just how it works.

Why do you talk to people like this? He exposed himself very badly, sadly I have encountered his kind very often. He has a gutter rat mentality with zero morals. Cast this fool aside, this the best thing that you can do.

 

[Sartana]

Apart from being called a loser I think the comment where he said 'you're just what the world needs' has damaged me the most. What exactly does the world need? More soldiers to add to add to the unnecessary bloodshed? I'm passionate, I give to charity about things I care about (and I barely have enough money for myself anyway) and I try to help others. Why am I treated like I'm some sort of stain on society?

Not once in my life have I wanted to call somebody else a name or hurt anybody. So why am I singled out to be treated like the punching bag? Do people just jump on the bandwagon because I'm an easy target? I was bullied throughout my school life by both boys and girls. I told this guy that as well. It semms people remain the same throughout their lives. This guy was probably a bully at school and still is one now and I am still the little kid that took all the flak at school that I am now. Despite my problems I've always remained positive that the tables will turn. I have seen three counsellors and they have helped me so much and I will always appreciate their help but this comment has brought me the closest to depression that I've ever been and it feels as if all their work has been undone.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't the bully at his school but the bullied. 'Getting buff' and being a bully to attract girls is not only condescending but a pretty ridiculous idea. As somebody else said, it sounds as if he is just a keyboard warrior trying to prove something and show off. A lot of people will take to the internet just to try pick on others as they wish they could in real life (look at the behavior on xbox live as an example!)

You shouldn't think anything of it. And possibly be more careful about who you share any information about yourself with. It's best to only tell a few people anything, and as others have said social anxiety is a hard thing to explain or for a lot of people outside to truly get their head around.

 

[SAM2011]

AGH.....mabye he's right. Hiding behind a computer screen is not going to help your social problems. I'm probably going to get back lashed here. I actually don't have SA. I suffer from depression and anxiety and a bit of shyness. But what intrigues me about this webstie is everyone is a bunch of depressing wingers at why they don't fit into society and I want to leave this site, its just too much, it depresses me. I'm actually quite confident, I'm extremely friendly and would never turn anyone away. I guess people from here need that support, but is it really helping you? Life is life, get out there, get a job and meet people. "Normal" people would not be on here, they would be out there doing what they have to do. I'm not mean, probably wrong for me to be on here, but I couldn't help with the curiosity.

 

[emre43]

I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't the bully at his school but the bullied. 'Getting buff' and being a bully to attract girls is not only condescending but a pretty ridiculous idea. As somebody else said, it sounds as if he is just a keyboard warrior trying to prove something and show off. A lot of people will take to the internet just to try pick on others as they wish they could in real life (look at the behavior on xbox live as an example!)

You shouldn't think anything of it. And possibly be more careful about who you share any information about yourself with. It's best to only tell a few people anything, and as others have said social anxiety is a hard thing to explain or for a lot of people outside to truly get their head around.

Thanks, in hindsight I shouldn't have told him and I won't make that mistake again.

 

[emre43]

AGH.....mabye he's right. Hiding behind a computer screen is not going to help your social problems. I'm probably going to get back lashed here. I actually don't have SA. I suffer from depression and anxiety and a bit of shyness. But what intrigues me about this webstie is everyone is a bunch of depressing wingers at why they don't fit into society and I want to leave this site, its just too much, it depresses me. I'm actually quite confident, I'm extremely friendly and would never turn anyone away. I guess people from here need that support, but is it really helping you? Life is life, get out there, get a job and meet people. "Normal" people would not be on here, they would be out there doing what they have to do. I'm not mean, probably wrong for me to be on here, but I couldn't help with the curiosity.

I would suggest that you are mean. If you don't have social anxiety then you are on the outside. I am trying my upmost to make myself better. I am searching for jobs but it is not easy to get one in this day and age. 4/5 employers in England are not looking to employ people in the next three months. The ones that do employ people are looking for people who already have experience. It is easy to say just do it but then again you don't suffer from panic attacks do you? Also, there are ways of speaking to people and calling them losers and stains on society is not one of those ways.

 

[Falkor]

The thing is that I can stick up for myself and have stood up to people before. But I'm a gentle giant I don't want to go round beating people up to get a girlfriend. He seemed alright and friendly and I told him that I had troubles and he said he would listen to what they were. When I told him I just got that response.

Reminds me of my Omegle sessions. I was bored and was chatting once at a chatroom and they were telling me weird stuff. Mostly they always do there. Just to spam people or await weird respond. I would say, just delete that guy, you could still talk a few more times but if he keeps this setting up, just block him and look for better ears. :: (or eyes, in this case).

 

[Silatuyok]

AGH.....mabye he's right. Hiding behind a computer screen is not going to help your social problems. I'm probably going to get back lashed here. I actually don't have SA. I suffer from depression and anxiety and a bit of shyness. But what intrigues me about this webstie is everyone is a bunch of depressing wingers at why they don't fit into society and I want to leave this site, its just too much, it depresses me. I'm actually quite confident, I'm extremely friendly and would never turn anyone away. I guess people from here need that support, but is it really helping you? Life is life, get out there, get a job and meet people. "Normal" people would not be on here, they would be out there doing what they have to do. I'm not mean, probably wrong for me to be on here, but I couldn't help with the curiosity.

Gah, I really want to respond to this, but it would go against my sig, and I put it there for a reason so I'm just going to smile and wave.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I just told a guy my life story online.

May I ask why? It just doesn't seem like something you would tell just anyone. I mean, you'd have to know someone fairly well to tell them your entire life story, right? But his response was very critical/judgemental, something you'd expect from someone you don't know or who has never experienced debilitating psychological problems. We can't just presume that anyone will understand, because sadly, most people don't. It's just the way it is with people. There is still a ton of stigma (ignorance) surrounding mental illness. Some people still think that mental illness only refers to psychosis (schizophrenia and the like). Non-sufferers find it difficult to empathize with us because they presume everyone who isn't psychotic, is normal or like them and should act like it.
I'd advise you only speak to fellow sufferers and psychologists about the problems that SA has caused in your life (or really close/caring friends). Not that it's anything to be ashamed of, just don't expect sympathy from anyone who hasn't suffered SA.

 

[KiaKaha]

Empathy and understanding comes from suffering, if someone doesnt have the patience, experience and tolerance to really hear how someone is feeling... then they wont understand... because they CANT understand....everyone on the planet is limited in our understanding of other people because we cant step into another persons shoes and feel exactly the same things they are feeling. We are all limited by our own experience, opinions and background.

Look you sound like a good guy, dont let him get to you. We have all dealt with crappy people who make us feel like we are worthless. Just remember for every jerk you encounter there will be someone out there who gets you and accepts you (even if you havent met them yet) - there are sentiments in what he said that I agree with (and some that I dont agree with too), but he should out of respect for your feelings, said it in a much nicer way...but like I said, he has a different outlook to life and his abrasiveness is just how he sees things.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

Empathy and understanding comes from suffering, if someone doesnt have the patience, experience and tolerance to really hear how someone is feeling... then they wont understand... because they CANT understand....everyone on the planet is limited in our understanding of other people because we cant step into another persons shoes and feel exactly the same things they are feeling. We are all limited by our own experience, opinions and background.

Look you sound like a good guy, dont let him get to you. We have all dealt with crappy people who make us feel like we are worthless. Just remember for every jerk you encounter there will be someone out there who gets you and accepts you (even if you havent met them yet) - there are sentiments in what he said that I agree with (and some that I dont agree with too), but he should out of respect for your feelings, said it in a much nicer way...but like I said, he has a different outlook to life and his abrasiveness is just how he sees things.

Well said.