People condescend to me all the time

[littl3misstrange]

Does that ever happen to anyone else? Like, whenever I'm in a social situation with people who are older than me, they treat me like I'm 10 or something. I'm 18 years old, and they try to coax me into talking like i'm an infant. It's really degrading & embarrassing. And they always feel the need to point out to everyone else in the group that I don't say much. I HATE when they ask me to my face, "You don't say much do you?" with a smirk on their face like I'm not only quiet but a complete idiot as well.
It's really starting to get on my nerves. I'm never treated like an equal, just because I don't say much. It's like everyone subconsciously looks down on me for that.

Like, tonight, one of my uncle's friends would swear or talk about sexual things, & then say "sorry" to me, when he knew that I'm 18. And after he said something "dirty" he would turn to everyone else & point at me saying "Look at her face!" and laugh like I was a toddler or something. I felt like screaming after an hour or so, & I actually ended up running off to the bathroom for a while, because I just couldn't take being treated like that anymore.

I hate how everyone assumes that I am who I appear to be. Just because I'm quiet, they all assume I'm naive, innocent, serious, sexually ignorant & just plain ignorant. I am the opposite of all those things. I have a sense of humour, I love to laugh, I'm well-informed, & I'm a very mature & sexual person. But, that true side of me only comes out around my dad, when I'm at home, or alone, chatting on the internet. No one knows who I actually am, so they judge me on what they see. I wish I could turn myself inside out.

 

[Remus]

it might sound creepy but that actually is a mans way (your uncle's friend) of flirting with you, they tend to tease alot :/

 

[dottie]

yes, it happened tonight at work.

some other waitress informed me and another server that a certain side-work needed to be done. so i did it. then she cheerfully said, "good girl." ...uh. i am 28. you are half as tall as me. don't "good girl" me like i'm a fucking 3 year old. but of course i didn't say that out loud. i'm not sure if she meant it "nicely" (like she thinks i am a retard and thinks i need to hear that?) or if she was being catty. i just stayed quiet and continued working, basically ignoring it- whatever it meant.

this is the kind of thing where if i would have called her on it or acted offended i probably would have lost my job or there would be total turmoil i would have to deal with. i mean, how do you react to being talked to that way without blowing up and causing drama? i guess i could have responded with a joke about it but i am not really quick and witty. maybe she was just joking and didn't think i would take it so seriously... the other waitress would probably have responded with a joke if she said it to her... i'm just not humorous.

anyway, long story short: yes, i feel people underestimate and patronize me a lot. i don't know how to communicate in a way that demands respect. maybe if i did people wouldn't talk to me that way and when they did i could call them on it, or simply make a joke.

i always feel so spineless and out of control.

 

[Richey]

Does that ever happen to anyone else? Like, whenever I'm in a social situation with people who are older than me, they treat me like I'm 10 or something. I'm 18 years old, and they try to coax me into talking like i'm an infant. It's really degrading & embarrassing. And they always feel the need to point out to everyone else in the group that I don't say much. I HATE when they ask me to my face, "You don't say much do you?" with a smirk on their face like I'm not only quiet but a complete idiot as well.
It's really starting to get on my nerves. I'm never treated like an equal, just because I don't say much. It's like everyone subconsciously looks down on me for that.

Like, tonight, one of my uncle's friends would swear or talk about sexual things, & then say "sorry" to me, when he knew that I'm 18. And after he said something "dirty" he would turn to everyone else & point at me saying "Look at her face!" and laugh like I was a toddler or something. I felt like screaming after an hour or so, & I actually ended up running off to the bathroom for a while, because I just couldn't take being treated like that anymore.

I hate how everyone assumes that I am who I appear to be. Just because I'm quiet, they all assume I'm naive, innocent, serious, sexually ignorant & just plain ignorant. I am the opposite of all those things. I have a sense of humour, I love to laugh, I'm well-informed, & I'm a very mature & sexual person. But, that true side of me only comes out around my dad, when I'm at home, or alone, chatting on the internet. No one knows who I actually am, so they judge me on what they see. I wish I could turn myself inside out.

you're doing well then to be all those things, i think you're being too hard on yourself, i'm definately sexually naive from limited experiance and often i come across as serious and have no idea how to use my sense of humour, i love to laugh but i can't even talk to my family and feel comfortable..

as for your thinking people condescend to you, happens all the time to me as well from parents, siblings, almost every manager ive had, if people are confident and have big egos its almost expected they'll try and act more important then you and use authority, i'm getting better at answering back though which helps

 

[Moonie]

I used to be talked down to like that when I was a bit younger. I don't think most people mean harm by it. I think it's just their way of trying to be nice, or friendly, or have something to talk about. Maybe they are trying to include you somehow - since they don't know anything about you. Though, it can be really embarrassing to us - even though they might not have intended that. And then therer are some asses that do intend that.

The sad thing is, I sort of miss those days when people thought my shyness was cute and innocent. As you get older, I think you will experience that less. It actually is harder- because people don't care about it or just think you are rude or weird.

 

[Rodox]

yeah,happens with me too,they know I get all nervous because of little,then they think you are like a child.

 

[karut]

I HATE when they ask me to my face, "You don't say much do you?"

Same here. Nothing bugs me more when I'm with a group of people and they're like "You don't talk much" or even worse when they ask my friends- "Your friend is kind of quiet" like I'm not standing right there. No duh... It makes you feel even more self conscious about being like this.

 

[sleepysparrow]

...

 

[Slothrop]

This isn't something that people do intentionally. It's just an effect of not having any other information to go on. If you're quiet and don't participate much, you may seem uncomfortable, confused, offended or aloof.

The idea that they look down on you is really your anxiety talking. The truth is you don't know what they think, and you're drawing conclusions based on limited evidence, just like they are. Consider the possibility that your conclusions are no more accurate than theirs. (e.g., They think you're offended, but you're not; you think they look down on you, but they don't.)