Pavlina website: NO COMPASSION, NO UNDERSTANDING..
- Thread starter BlueRose
- Start date
BlueRose
Active member
I hate to be harsh but I will never understand people with that kind of attitude..
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I hate to be harsh but I will never understand people with that kind of attitude..And another thing, isn't posting someone's PM against the rules!?
Yes he should not post PMs, it is in the rules, if he was not happy with it, he should have reported it to a moderator.
And....If you get abuse by PM report it to a moderator.
so lets call it a day with all that and carry on the debate without one person sniping or the other getting angry
BlueRose
Active member
Your right, I'll give it a rest. I only sent one PM to hermit anyway, well actually two after posting my PM but after that I won't send any more PMs to the party b/c I don't want to get myself banned.
I_Walk_Alone
Well-known member
I was on a support website called pavlina and I just want to tell you that I'm never going back to that sight because they banned me without a warning and on top of that, they sent me an e-mailed message that was so shocking and devastating. What they wrote on that message was very insulting and disrespectfull. If I did or said something inappropriate, they should bring it to my attention more mildly. Messages like that could cause people like myself to have a nervous breakdown or worse. Luckily I was able to deal with it and just never return to that site. It shows that the pavlina's are cold and careless. I don't know WHY they have a supportive website, the members their are not very supportive, they're mostly critical and judgemental. I quoted the message at the bottom from my e-mail to show you how despicable they are..
I think you just gave them the wrong idea, love.
If you cant get over it, just reply and tell them you're sorry if they got the wrong idea.
Trust me, they'll be sorry. And if their not, **** EM, they have absolutley no idea how to handle SAers.
I_Walk_Alone
Well-known member
Sorry, I didn't realize it was one man.
**** STEVE PAMPLINA
I hope you're reading this mate. (unless your SP. You know what to do)
**** STEVE PAMPLINA
I hope you're reading this mate. (unless your SP. You know what to do)
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kuhtreen
Well-known member
I'm surprised at how many people are pretty much siding with Pavlina on this. If he wants to reserve his forum ONLY for people who post uplifting threads about how they're improving, that's great for him. But he needs to be very clear about his website, and let people know that you'll be scolded if you let out your frustrated feelings. I think it's a bit weird. It's important for people with SA to have a safe place to let out emotions to people who actually understand them for once. Whatever. :-/
Can you please define sniping.
I_Walk_Alone
Well-known member
cheap shots meant to put people down, i think he means
BlueRose
Active member
It's not what pavlina said that got me upset, it's how he said it. Like I said in my first post if people cause too much drama they should let them know mildly. For example if he would of said something like "we don't allow drama or self pitty on his forum" I can understand that, the problem with pavlina is that he used the wrong choice of words...
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nephatitus
Well-known member
hate
it brings people\
pity parties
misery loves company/
it brings people\
pity parties
misery loves company/
BlueRose
Active member
nephatitus
Well-known member
its gets boring
input random comment
input random comment
Satine
Well-known member
I'm just having a shufty at the Steve Pavlina site. The tagline says, 'for smart people'? We get a lot of Americanisms on the internet, but that just seems a bit... I don't know, wrong for the context.
Among the forum rules:
So the intention of the forum is to challenge people to grow, rather than leave them stagnating in self-pity. That sounds fair, so long as it's moderated sensibly and sensitively, and it looks to me that Daffy Duck is doing a good job of that. He/she even left a sweet message that you find the happiness you're after, once you'd been banned. Sometimes people need to gather themselves for a day or so before they can really push forward.
Looking around some of the threads, it looks like Steve and Erin are getting a bit ahead of themselves. It's a good thing to seek truth, but not a good thing to insist you've found it. They're insisting on the latter. A fair proportion of the members are quite woo-ish, preferring to believe unsupportable things (including various aspects of spiritualism), but I think most of their hearts are in the right place. There are some realists, and some very sweet people there. I've not seen any out-and-out trolls. Just a few people who might not take the sharp edges off what they say. But the vast majority are looking to help, from what I see.
I've taken a look at your posts and it looks like you have generally been very depressive there, BlueRose. This isn't an insult against you, but it doesn't look like that forum was the right place for you: you appear, by the tone of your Pavlina threads, unwilling to progress. And that, ultimately, is what the forum is about: progressing.
In your introductory post, for example, you mentioned that you feel depressed and that your future is doomed, and there were several posts in response encouraging you, and saying that there is a way forward from that. But your replies are all, 'it's not that easy' etc. Where can the members there go with that?
In fact, on further inspection, it seemed you verbally attacked other members of that forum who were only trying to help.
Similarly with the situation you posted about where the woman in therapy chased you away. Most of us would be shaken up by that, but, despite the support you got from the members of the Pavlina forum, you still appear keen to hold on to the self pity from that incident. Were you not prepared to accept that the woman had her own problems and the incident wasn't about you?
So my impressions of the situation, looking at them from both sides, is that, while there are a few bad apples in the Pavlina barrel (as there are in all busy forums), the forum is full of well-meaning, constructive people who want to help new members. I think you're making too much of this.
I will agree, however, that Steve's message to you as posted in your opening post here could be phrased better and reinforces my suspicion that his forum members are wiser than he. That said, I do agree with one thing he said: you appear not to have read other people's threads on Pavlina and tried to help them. Why not?
Thing is, that isn't what happened. BlueRose set up an introductory post stating how unhappy she was and several people posted to comfort her. That was accepted by the mods. The majority of her posts there remained depressive and did not show any signs of wanting to progress.
By the time she was banned, a pattern had established itself.
Edit: I suspect I'll be branded as insensitive along with all the other people who don't immediately gush, 'poor you, BlueRose!' in response to this post, but I'm afraid the above is the truth as I see it. And, it would appear, many other people.
Among the forum rules:
So the intention of the forum is to challenge people to grow, rather than leave them stagnating in self-pity. That sounds fair, so long as it's moderated sensibly and sensitively, and it looks to me that Daffy Duck is doing a good job of that. He/she even left a sweet message that you find the happiness you're after, once you'd been banned. Sometimes people need to gather themselves for a day or so before they can really push forward.
Looking around some of the threads, it looks like Steve and Erin are getting a bit ahead of themselves. It's a good thing to seek truth, but not a good thing to insist you've found it. They're insisting on the latter. A fair proportion of the members are quite woo-ish, preferring to believe unsupportable things (including various aspects of spiritualism), but I think most of their hearts are in the right place. There are some realists, and some very sweet people there. I've not seen any out-and-out trolls. Just a few people who might not take the sharp edges off what they say. But the vast majority are looking to help, from what I see.
I've taken a look at your posts and it looks like you have generally been very depressive there, BlueRose. This isn't an insult against you, but it doesn't look like that forum was the right place for you: you appear, by the tone of your Pavlina threads, unwilling to progress. And that, ultimately, is what the forum is about: progressing.
In your introductory post, for example, you mentioned that you feel depressed and that your future is doomed, and there were several posts in response encouraging you, and saying that there is a way forward from that. But your replies are all, 'it's not that easy' etc. Where can the members there go with that?
In fact, on further inspection, it seemed you verbally attacked other members of that forum who were only trying to help.
Similarly with the situation you posted about where the woman in therapy chased you away. Most of us would be shaken up by that, but, despite the support you got from the members of the Pavlina forum, you still appear keen to hold on to the self pity from that incident. Were you not prepared to accept that the woman had her own problems and the incident wasn't about you?
So my impressions of the situation, looking at them from both sides, is that, while there are a few bad apples in the Pavlina barrel (as there are in all busy forums), the forum is full of well-meaning, constructive people who want to help new members. I think you're making too much of this.
I will agree, however, that Steve's message to you as posted in your opening post here could be phrased better and reinforces my suspicion that his forum members are wiser than he. That said, I do agree with one thing he said: you appear not to have read other people's threads on Pavlina and tried to help them. Why not?
Thing is, that isn't what happened. BlueRose set up an introductory post stating how unhappy she was and several people posted to comfort her. That was accepted by the mods. The majority of her posts there remained depressive and did not show any signs of wanting to progress.
By the time she was banned, a pattern had established itself.
Edit: I suspect I'll be branded as insensitive along with all the other people who don't immediately gush, 'poor you, BlueRose!' in response to this post, but I'm afraid the above is the truth as I see it. And, it would appear, many other people.
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Doomed2Die
Well-known member
I can see where the direction is at Satine but banning people beyond trolls/spams and the usual is counter productive for a self help site, and says alot about the methods in use.
Cutting off "depressive" people to save members the time of reading a little (which is by choice anyway) is as effective as ignoring such problems (depression) exist in life, which looks like is the idea, to minimise negative thoughts prehaps.
Then again I cannot be bothered to check out the posts or forum personally. Self help books and their authors direction is usually aimed at one thing only, $$$.
For you maybe, everyone is at a different stage and on different roads. Sometimes simply discussing it is remedy enough.
Cutting off "depressive" people to save members the time of reading a little (which is by choice anyway) is as effective as ignoring such problems (depression) exist in life, which looks like is the idea, to minimise negative thoughts prehaps.
Then again I cannot be bothered to check out the posts or forum personally. Self help books and their authors direction is usually aimed at one thing only, $$$.
For you maybe, everyone is at a different stage and on different roads. Sometimes simply discussing it is remedy enough.
cosmosis
Well-known member
The thing is with anxiety and depression and the works, we are always cycling at different stages. There are times when we want to find encouragement & answers and work on getting ourselves better and stronger, but then there are times when we feel helpless and want to feel sorry for ourselves - which funny enough helps clear out some pain and anxiety and helps too.
A site that encourages a positive mindset is really good, but I think it's ultimately silly for a mental health forum to try to prevent and ban people who whine or complain. It shows a lack of understanding on how everyone deals with anxiety and depression and its hypocritical. I wonder where the people on that site go to whine? It's not exactly an all-encompassing support forum when you have to go somewhere else just because you are at that point in the cycle where encouragement does absolutely nothing.
A site that encourages a positive mindset is really good, but I think it's ultimately silly for a mental health forum to try to prevent and ban people who whine or complain. It shows a lack of understanding on how everyone deals with anxiety and depression and its hypocritical. I wonder where the people on that site go to whine? It's not exactly an all-encompassing support forum when you have to go somewhere else just because you are at that point in the cycle where encouragement does absolutely nothing.