Parents and Dating....Deadly mix!
- Thread starter nicole1
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agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
^^ i love your way of thinking, i think i'll probably be the same way when i have kids 
i've usually made pretty good choices as far as boyfriends go, so my parents have never had to tell me i'm dating a crazy drug addict jerk or anything.. i've always dated decent guys who at least know how to respect a woman. i wouldn't want to date someone who i wouldn't want to meet my parents, their opinion matters to me, just because i know they want the best and i want them to be proud of me or whatever, ha
dating while you're living with your parent(s), however, does suck! ha.. simply because i refuse tooo... have 'relations' (ha!) while my dad is here, and sometimes that can be frustrating.. =/
i've usually made pretty good choices as far as boyfriends go, so my parents have never had to tell me i'm dating a crazy drug addict jerk or anything.. i've always dated decent guys who at least know how to respect a woman. i wouldn't want to date someone who i wouldn't want to meet my parents, their opinion matters to me, just because i know they want the best and i want them to be proud of me or whatever, ha
dating while you're living with your parent(s), however, does suck! ha.. simply because i refuse tooo... have 'relations' (ha!) while my dad is here, and sometimes that can be frustrating.. =/
Richey
Well-known member
it would be an issue for me because my parents talk down to me in a condescending way which is the last thing i'd want to happen in front of a date or a girlfriend, and i can see them doing it as well. If they disagree with something i say then they tend to become grumpy and yell, i don't think i could handle it.
Mickery
Well-known member
Being a parent has no qualifications and almost no standards either. Sometimes they're less qualified than others, if only because they may be unable to take an unbiased perspective of you. Observe what you feel is good advice, discard what you feel is bad advice and ensure that the boundaries of their input are at a level of mutual respect and appropriate independence. Don't under-estimate the value of experience, but it only goes so far and you probably already know whether they give good advice or not, anyway.
It's more likely that your girlfriend will also find their behavior toward you condescending and you won't feel so alone facing it.
It's more likely that your girlfriend will also find their behavior toward you condescending and you won't feel so alone facing it.
My problem is my mom is negative about dating in general. She said she's not bitter...but she is negative. She just...pours negative ideas when I tell her about my happiness or optimism. My bf is 12 years older than I am and I met him online through a mutual interests group on facebook... I've not heard a positive thing from her. Her opinion matters to me. My dad's as well. I don't do anything inappropriate or that I know would shame them and I've done this most of my life. I think the pressure is enough to make me move out, which I don't want to do b/c of the financial benefit.....
Hottie
Well-known member
Hi,
i think that while dating you parents are only looking out for you best intresets (most!) and if they had a reason to be concerned then they feel obliged to do so, for you sake.
However, some parents mightnt like the 'look' of somebody and prejudge them. I know from where i am from my parents didnt like the 'look' of anybody and therefore i got the vibe they didnt approve. But if they dont approve, there is plenty of time for your partner/date to change their perspective of them.
But i think it really all falls down to what you think. Its you who is dating the person anyway, not them.
If your mum is negative towards you a lot of the time then you have to accept that she is not doing any good for you mental health. Please reconigise her words/actions for what they are and then do not let them effect you (much easier said then done, i know)...
"its is not events or situations that make us happy or sad, it is how we react that determines how we feel"
....please keep that quote close in you mind okay? Because, to have a parent that fills us with megativity, unconciously they can pass this on to you. I had to keep this quote on the top of my mind as the negativity in my home was awful. But on another note, you are lucky to have caring parents, and as previously mentiond they are looking out for you. They do not want you to end up with somebody who is not good for you.
Maybe listen to what they are saying, take there points onboard, and if you still disagree with them, then there is nothing more they can really do. The choice is yours, not their's.
You said he is 12 years older than you. Age is only a number. I went seeing somebody who was 10years older than me (i was 20), and i seen somebody who was 15 years older than me. And soon im going on a date with somebody who is nearly 10years older than me. Thankfully becoz i was a troubled teenager my parents my parents were afriad to say anything to me incase i kicked up fuss but i could tell they were a lil bit weary of the men. But as they soon got to know him there opinions changed and grew fond of him.
If your parents firstly dont accept him, allow them some time. I understand their opinions matter but you opinion matters first to you. Dont do anything too drastic just yet, allow time for them not to judge him on his age. This is all my opinion, obvisully i dont know what you feel is best, but i think time can tell for you
Why do you think they disapprove? The age?
i think that while dating you parents are only looking out for you best intresets (most!) and if they had a reason to be concerned then they feel obliged to do so, for you sake.
However, some parents mightnt like the 'look' of somebody and prejudge them. I know from where i am from my parents didnt like the 'look' of anybody and therefore i got the vibe they didnt approve. But if they dont approve, there is plenty of time for your partner/date to change their perspective of them.
But i think it really all falls down to what you think. Its you who is dating the person anyway, not them.
If your mum is negative towards you a lot of the time then you have to accept that she is not doing any good for you mental health. Please reconigise her words/actions for what they are and then do not let them effect you (much easier said then done, i know)...
"its is not events or situations that make us happy or sad, it is how we react that determines how we feel"
....please keep that quote close in you mind okay? Because, to have a parent that fills us with megativity, unconciously they can pass this on to you. I had to keep this quote on the top of my mind as the negativity in my home was awful. But on another note, you are lucky to have caring parents, and as previously mentiond they are looking out for you. They do not want you to end up with somebody who is not good for you.
Maybe listen to what they are saying, take there points onboard, and if you still disagree with them, then there is nothing more they can really do. The choice is yours, not their's.
You said he is 12 years older than you. Age is only a number. I went seeing somebody who was 10years older than me (i was 20), and i seen somebody who was 15 years older than me. And soon im going on a date with somebody who is nearly 10years older than me. Thankfully becoz i was a troubled teenager my parents my parents were afriad to say anything to me incase i kicked up fuss but i could tell they were a lil bit weary of the men. But as they soon got to know him there opinions changed and grew fond of him.
If your parents firstly dont accept him, allow them some time. I understand their opinions matter but you opinion matters first to you. Dont do anything too drastic just yet, allow time for them not to judge him on his age. This is all my opinion, obvisully i dont know what you feel is best, but i think time can tell for you
Why do you think they disapprove? The age?
Wow. You're a type of guru, lol. But I can agree. And I feel best with your advice.
I think she is negative... I dated with in my age range before. I wasn't allowed to date in high school while my brother dated tons. He's a year younger, but two grades behind me when we were in high school. She's always been strict and didn't like the idea of me dating.
I am 23... She doesn't approve of the online dating. But...I've always had a hard time making friends irl and dating especially. I expressed that to her but she doesn't agree with it. And her age...she doesn't like it much because of the assumptions and stereotypes that come from people when it comes to age gaps. LIke he may have a lot of baggage, he may be dating other women b/c he's not married yet, I'm too young to understand and he may take advantage. But she only knows of the good things I've told her...
Hottie
Well-known member
Well for you mother, the reasons she isnt happy with you dating could be that she is proberly worried that you might fall pregnant or catch an STI. You should realise that her concerns are most likly in your best interests. But i know it can be annoying when there is somebody on your case nagging you and you feel you freedom is being minimized.
She will never understand the full extent of having anxiety can play in our lives. She may try to learn and be supportive but unless you are a sufferer these people that dont suffer can never know the full extent. Which is understandable as if we didnt suffer, we would not know what it is like to suffer from the condition.
Online dating, it can cause people worry, such as parents, as you or them dont know what type of person you are going to be meeting up with. So a small note for you, please if you ar meeting up with anyone from the site, tell someone where you are going, what time you should be home around, and also have your mobile charged at all times. I can understand why your mother dissapoves, this is her opinion tho, you cannot let her stop you from doing what you want. Also thumbs up for having the confidence to meet someone online, i think thats courage and will give you alot of confidence.
You said this - "LIke he may have a lot of baggage, he may be dating other women b/c he's not married yet, I'm too young to understand and he may take advantage. But she only knows of the good things I've told her..." -
You are 23, you are older than me, and i do think you are wise too. If you are saying you young to understand, imo i think you have that all wrong, you have shown you understand by saying that sentance - ..."he may have a lot of baggage, he may be dating other women...he may take advantage". That sounds to me like you are aware of the dangers that can be involved.
So, when is this date happening?
She will never understand the full extent of having anxiety can play in our lives. She may try to learn and be supportive but unless you are a sufferer these people that dont suffer can never know the full extent. Which is understandable as if we didnt suffer, we would not know what it is like to suffer from the condition.
Online dating, it can cause people worry, such as parents, as you or them dont know what type of person you are going to be meeting up with. So a small note for you, please if you ar meeting up with anyone from the site, tell someone where you are going, what time you should be home around, and also have your mobile charged at all times. I can understand why your mother dissapoves, this is her opinion tho, you cannot let her stop you from doing what you want. Also thumbs up for having the confidence to meet someone online, i think thats courage and will give you alot of confidence.
You said this - "LIke he may have a lot of baggage, he may be dating other women b/c he's not married yet, I'm too young to understand and he may take advantage. But she only knows of the good things I've told her..." -
You are 23, you are older than me, and i do think you are wise too. If you are saying you young to understand, imo i think you have that all wrong, you have shown you understand by saying that sentance - ..."he may have a lot of baggage, he may be dating other women...he may take advantage". That sounds to me like you are aware of the dangers that can be involved.
So, when is this date happening?