Parenting issues: "My son is a ..."

[Dronee]

Maybe it's just an Asian thing or rather those that I've observed, but I noticed many parents REALLY putting down their own children in front of others. E.g:

"He's lazy. He's not really that talented. She's not good at much of anything. She's too shy. He might as well be a girl for he behaves like one... etc". They seem especially intent on humiliating the youngest person in the family.

I tutor some children and the mother keeps criticizing the children even to the point of humiliation. There are some who are the opposite and can't stop praising their children or themselves.

What do you think of this? I always felt that parenting plays a huge role in how a person will turn out. If the parents keep telling the children that they are worthless, then how can they act surprised and angry when they are proven right? There's a saying that basically goes that 'what you tell your children is a prayer (for how they will turn out)...'

 

[Hellhound]

Those kind of parents should never be allowed to be parents. They fail at it.

 

[Dronee]

Those kind of parents should never be allowed to be parents. They fail at it.

Those kind of parents seem to be the majority where I stay. Heck, my friend confided in me that his parents were disappointed in him being a male as they wanted a female... Though they don't humiliate him in front of others like the ones I've met.

 

[Hellhound]

Those kind of parents seem to be the majority where I stay. Heck, my friend confided in me that his parents were disappointed in him being a male as they wanted a female... Though they don't humiliate him in front of others like the ones I've met.

Still, that's horrible for them to say. It's not the child's fault, and who cares if he's a male or a female? they should be happy to have him and love him anyway, not show disappointment... wtf D: Some parents seem to mistake their children for pets or objects... Not even pets deserve to be treated like property.

 

[Dronee]

Still, that's horrible for them to say. It's not the child's fault, and who cares if he's a male or a female? they should be happy to have him and love him anyway, not show disappointment... wtf D: Some parents seem to mistake their children for pets or objects... Not even pets deserve to be treated like property.

Does this kind of criticism and humiliation happen often where you live? I can't seem to go through a week or even a couple of days sometimes without parents humiliating their children publicly.

 

[Nack]

Well look at me, I'm a failed attempt as a son and as a person. The years of neglect and fail parenting is "this", and now after I'm all grown up and ****; starts to act like a good parent. WTF

 

[Dronee]

Well look at me, I'm a failed attempt as a son and as a person. The years of neglect and fail parenting is "this", and now after I'm all grown up and ****; starts to act like a good parent. WTF

Hmmm.. I don't know... I don't want to bash the Asian culture especially since I'm an Asian myself. But that also seems to be the norm where I live. Parents treating their children better only when they're grown up.

As in the children I'm tutoring... The eldest kid is quite old. He gets away with smoking, attending parties... etc... and the youngest can't even have permission to go to the library. Sure there's a lot of age differential... but come on...

 

[Nack]

Hmmm.. I don't know... I don't want to bash the Asian culture especially since I'm an Asian myself. But that also seems to be the norm where I live. Parents treating their children better only when they're grown up.

As in the children I'm tutoring... The eldest kid is quite old. He gets away with smoking, attending parties... etc... and the youngest can't even have permission to go to the library. Sure there's a lot of age differential... but come on...

Being Asian is only half the problem, the other half is the parents themselves. Sometimes you're lucky and you end up with a good parents who knows how to care for children, other times you end up with fruits who specifically raise you to be cows. :\ I'm not a love child, I feel like a rape child...

 

[Iseesky]

It happens everywhere and unfortunately not much can be done for the child unless they're being abused. You can't tell someone how to raise their child...Even if they aren't raising them or treating them right.

It's so sad. You're right. A child who grows up thinking they're wonderful will often times be wonderful as an adult. If a child is told they are worthless, they will amount to nothing and feel worthless as adults. It's not fair.

In a society where so many rules apply, I think having kids (and many other issues!) should be restricted to certain people who are deemed appropriate. It would make for a much better society, I think.

 

[Hellhound]

Does this kind of criticism and humiliation happen often where you live? I can't seem to go through a week or even a couple of days sometimes without parents humiliating their children publicly.

Yeah, it happened a lot in my family. They were like this to me all the time (strangely, they didn't do that to each other as often as they did to me). I saw that a lot in some schools too, the teachers humilliate the kids in front of everyone in the class, sometimes in front of the whole school. And I know a lot of parents who beat their kids too. Apparently abuse and treating children like dogs is a common thing here.

 

[Lea]

I don't understand why so many people have children, when they hate them. That doesn't have logic, but people often don't act on logic.

 

[da_illest101]

I don't know how old you are but maybe u should stand up to them, i like my parents alot but i talk back to them when they disrespect me

 

[laurenboborenfefifoforen]

If you believe in love act lovingly, you should never ever hate a child,
your expectations aren't theirs,
you embrace them as a gift.
Shelter them, then set them free.

It sickens me to see what the world has come to be.
:::

 

[Hellhound]

I don't understand why so many people have children, when they hate them. That doesn't have logic, but people often don't act on logic.

I assume some people expect their children to be a certain way, and when they turn out to be not what their parents expect, the parent doesn't like the kid anymore. That's the only explanation I have.

 

[phil91]

I remember reading somewhere that using humiliation as a punishment technique can cause self-esteem/confidence issues for the child in later life.

 

[redski]

I think when when a child realizes that his/hers parents are just human and nothing else
you can overlook things like that.

I am just as hard on my parents as they have been on me.
This is going to sound completely ungrateful but it was never my choice to be born
and then I have to forcefully live up to somebody else's expectations.

Having kids of my own (if that happens) will probably be the most frightening
thing I will ever do in my life because I will be so worried to not let them down
or mess up like my parents did sometimes with me.

 

[Nack]

This makes me think twice about having kids, we don't need more nacks running around do we >:\

 

[Chlo]

i dont really like to judge on how other people raise their kids but i do believe childhood plays a huge part in how a person turns out.
i dont agree with people who do the whole hard love thing. i think a child should feel love throughout there life also a reasonable amount of discipline is needed i believe.
when i have children i will tell them i love them everyday, i will allow them to be their own person and i will keep them safe from the dark side of life.

 

[Newtype]

Whenever I see parents raise their voice after their kid or pull his arm because he's moving a lot, it makes me uncomfortable. I've never seen it to the extent the OP described though. I feel really bad for the kids mentioned. You can't let your child do whatever he wants in public, but it's no reason to lose your kool as well. As a parent, it's your job to protect your child, both physically and mentally. It's not because he's a child that he doesn't feel the humiliation of you being angry at him in public. I think there's a lot of people in this world who have children but they have no idea how to be a good parent.

 

[philly2bits]

Whenever I see parents raise their voice after their kid or pull his arm because he's moving a lot, it makes me uncomfortable. I've never seen it to the extent the OP described though. I feel really bad for the kids mentioned. You can't let your child do whatever he wants in public, but it's no reason to lose your kool as well. As a parent, it's your job to protect your child, both physically and mentally. It's not because he's a child that he doesn't feel the humiliation of you being angry at him in public. I think there's a lot of people in this world who have children but they have no idea how to be a good parent.

Unfortunately there is no instruction manual for raising kids. Most parents probably play it by ear. Either that or they do it the same way as there own parents did it, which may or may not be a good idea depending on how they themselves were brought up.