paranoid of judgement

[dottie]

anyone else feel like this?

i am overconcerned that people are judging me. in fact, i subconsciously read into things people are saying and twist it so that i am sure they are judging me. even when it is something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me.

as soon as i percieve someone is judging me i want to cut them off forever. if it is an online friend/aquaintance i want to block them forever.

why? why does it matter to me what other people think? why do i read into things people are saying? why do i care so much? why am i so irrational? it is exhasuting really.

is this beyond AVPD? is this paranoia?

i would be glad to know your thoughts or if anyone relates.

 

[coyote]

I am also very concerned with being judged. I have a tendency to avoid doing things where I think I'll be judged poorly - especially by people whose opinion matters to me more. I realize that this usually just makes matters worse - they judge me more harshly for NOT having acted than they would have if I had just done it - even poorly - in the first place. This is probably the area that gives me the most problems. Really gotta start working harder on this.

 

[bigrob]

All the time.

I think when I go to the grocery that people are looking at what I buy.

 

[dottie]

do you guys get to the point where you read into things people are saying and kind of presume they are judging? almost delusional?

 

[coyote]

do you guys get to the point where you read into things people are saying and kind of presume they are judging? almost delusional?

oh definitely - that's when i just want to hide

yesterday at work, I kept feeling like the women I greeted coming into the store were all looking at me too intently for comfort. i asked one of my co-workers if I had something on my face or did I look weird or something. She then proceeded to look at me as though she thought i was weird for asking.

Finally she said softly, "maybe they think you're kinda cute?"

I want to believe her, but it didn't feel that way to me.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

The fear of judgement is the driving force behind my sa, its hard to challenge those irrational fears as they happen, especially when i find myself in a situation when i know for sure that i've been judged in a negative way.

 

[lurknomore]

I definitely relate. I feel that almost everything I do (even or especially petty/little things) is being scrutinized and judged/laughed at. I don't talk about things regarding myself unless I feel that it's going to be seen as normal/accepted.

Now that I think about it, people have always mocked or picked on me about stupid things... my sister used to pick on me and get annoyed by the way the spoon would hit my teeth when I was eating breakfast in the morning, and she and another sister would stare at my mouth and laugh for no apparent reason at the dinner table. Also, one of my brothers mocks every little thing I say/do, any sound I make (like a sigh), and makes fun of the way I talk to one of my friends on the phone. My siblings/their friends make fun of me for the type of music I listen to, as well as for my chosen major in school, among other things. Plus, I have a runny nose basically year round, colds in the winter and allergies in the summer, and people will mock or make fun of the way I blow my nose.

Is this perhaps why I'm afraid of being judged about things, or does this happen to everyone and I'm just being overly sensitive?

 

[coyote]

Is this perhaps why I'm afraid of being judged about things, or does this happen to everyone and I'm just being overly sensitive?

I'm the youngest of four - was teased horribly by my siblings forever.

Picked on all the way through school the same way by some kids.

Maybe we're a magnet for that kinda thing.

It definitely might explain why we expect people to find fault with us today.

 

[Darryl]

This is in the Avpd code of Ethics...well if there was one!

I'm trying to stop theses thoughts as they dive you deeper into avoidance, and allows Avpd to have a stronger hold over you.

Yes the Avpd radar will read a person, again it's in the Code of ethics rule book.

IF.... they judge you it will be only for a split second, And you will stew over it for hours until something else comes along to pre-occupy your mind.

Nothing will happen!!!!
Try and do something that you would usually do when there gone..
Actually something will happen- You'll be one up on Avpd and it will get you a little closer to controlling this dis-order.

Its about controlling Avoidance.. the more you do things for yourself without holding back, the better you'll feel.
Yes, you will always have avoidance but you will be breaking the grip.

Kind Regards Darryl

 

[dottie]

thank you for the replies! sometimes it is just nice to hear other people have dealt with it, that it's not just you.

IF.... they judge you it will be only for a split second, And you will stew over it for hours until something else comes along to pre-occupy your mind.

Nothing will happen!!!!
Try and do something that you would usually do when there gone.

so true! earlier i stewed for hours and replayed totally insignificant things in my head because i felt judged. after going outside and doing something i really don't care so much anymore.

 

[Tiercel]

For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid of doing something wrong or not being good enough. So yeah, I have a nagging thought that people are judging me. I also tend to avoid situations where I feel like that, which is usually any kind of social interaction. It doesn't matter if it's an old person, a cute girl, or a neighborhood child, I'm always afraid they'll find some fault with me.

For most of my life, "old people" have been the ones who lived through the Great Depression and World War II; and nothing I've done really compares to that. No girl or woman has ever deemed me romantically worthy, so that fear isn't too ill-founded. As for children, it's their honesty. They usually have no qualms about asking a question or making a statement that an adult with more tact would never utter aloud.

For some reason, I'm terribly afraid of disappointing other people. And by letting that influence me, I end up disappointing myself. And I really need to get out more.

 

[Eam]

I deleted my most from this thread shortly after posting it for the very reason the thread was talking about. I guess that makes the point I wanted to make

I think the person below me did too.

 

[ありがとう]

I think everyone deep down are sensitive to people's judgments, but most people chooses to ignore it lik there are much more fun things to do than worry about stuff like that. I used to be paranoid of what people thought of me, so I kept to myself thinking I can avoid that, but at the end, I ended up hurting myself more...

You just need to realise there are people everywhere who will judge (even if you keep to yourself). But you also need to realise that most people will see the good and positive side of you. It's easier said than done, but love yourself, build up your confidence and self-esteem and just ignore those kind of people, it's not like you want to associate with them?

 

[BlueDays]

....................

 

[xxaimsxx]

Mine is really bad! Heres an example.. I thought my sister and mum were slating me behind my back because my mum was speaking really quietly. So i listened in and it turned out they were just discussing my sisters place at university. I felt a right fool. Im sure paranoia and fear of judgement comes along with sa. And most probably everyone here can relate.

 

[Silentknight]

Oh definitely relatable I think it has to do with the ammount of bullying I went through growing up and never knowing what it felt like not to be made fun of or judged so even now with my friend I have serious trouble trusting her also it's semi-comfotying to know I'm not the only one who does this. Darryl is spot on with his code of ethics only instead of stewing over percieved judgements for hours I have had times when I've been stuck on these judgements for days.

 

[Waybuloo]

My therapist said to me "It's up to you whether you take another person's judgement of you on board or not".
Yeah, that is great advice, but I have yet to figure out how not to take someone's judgement on board when I have such a low self-esteem.
I don't have the confidence to make the decision whether or not to do it!?!?

I get why therapists say that, mine did something along those lines.
But really when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter what happens in real life, what we choose to remember and dwell on has a massive effect on our memory and how we live our lives.

I find reasons for why people make judgments about me. The few times in my life i've been picked on for my appearance, I can always see the motives for them doing that, whether it's retaliation, jealousy, or insecurity that they have the same thing. So I end up feeling sorry for them that they have to do that to make themselves feel better. You have to stop taking everything so personal, because it is often not about you, but about the person who said it. For every judgment, think of something good about you that someone has ever said. With age you will start to care less, like I have.

Can you imagine what happens if someone makes some bad stuff about you and then you go away thinking that is what you are and lead the rest of your life thinking like that?