Overweight yet invisible

[NotNoticed]

Hello, I'm new to this forum and felt I could confide in you all since none of you know me or would notice me on the street anyway.

I'm 240 pounds, 5'5'', and I'm 19 years old. I attend college and it's an awful experience for me, even worse than high school.

My social anxiety is brought on by the fact that no one notices me. Despite my mass, and my tendency to accidentally bump into people with my stomach, not one person batters an eyelash at me. It's like I'm a ghost. A big fat one, like the one from Ghost Busters :/ But at least he got noticed.

This isn't only by people who are strangers by the way, even my family treats me this way. I feel like the dog of the family, often having to cook my own meals since I was 12. I guess I'm kind of independent, but only because I have no one to depend on.

Teachers don't remember my names despite having me in their class for months. I get noticed when I buy fast food though, but I think that's only because they see me as money, not a person.

I'm growing desperate for human interaction, but EVEN online I don't get noticed. In other communities not related to social anxiety, I post on-topic material that often goes ignored, while other posts flourish in activity. I've never had an online friend. A real life friend, or a family member to confide in.

I get a lot of time to myself though. I guess it's a curse and a blessing.

Thanks for reading this, those of you that actually noticed my post.

 

[***deleted***]

You are probably unnoticed because you don't speak up. I don't get noticed either because I never say anything. You almost have to aggressive to get noticed today.
Maybe try starting a conversation, or talk more in class. If you talk a lot in class people will come up to you.

 

[Phoenixx]

Welcome to SPW

 

[NotNoticed]

You are probably unnoticed because you don't speak up. I don't get noticed either because I never say anything. You almost have to aggressive to get noticed today.
Maybe try starting a conversation, or talk more in class. If you talk a lot in class people will come up to you.

Believe me, I tried. They get a look of annoyance on their face and seem to just stand there waiting for me to finish talking. My voice being of a slightly high pitch doesn't help my case either.

 

[JamesSmith]

NotNoticed, the reason you aren't noticed is because of two things probably, one being that you are overweight, and the other being that you are shy and quiet. Most of us in these forums get noticed less than other people, that's part of being a person with an anxiety problem. I hope I'm not offending you about being overweight, but sadly society tends to respect the good looking people more than the not so good looking people. They did a study on this for the show 20/20, and it is proven that people notice and respect healthy, attractive people over unhealthy, non-attractive people. The main reason people are ignoring you, though, is because you have SA and it's natural for people to ignore SA people. People react to what they hear and see, and if they don't hear you, they may ignore you. Heck, I've been getting ignored for much of my life, especially by women. The ladies usually aren't attracted to shyness unfortunately.

As for you never having a friend, I'm sorry but that is impossible. Every person in these forums that is over 14 years old had to have had some kind of friend in their lifetime at least. It's possible you just don't remember a friend or two you've had the past, but I'm willing to bet you have had a friend. You weren't clear on your family, do you have a mother or father, or siblings to talk with?

As for me being a fellow SA person, obviously it's not that easy to just start talking to people. I have the same problem as you do right now with no friends, except i'm not going to school or working. If you really want people to notice you, you have to make yourself noticed by talking to other people. You only get back what you put in. If you never start conversations with other people, they probably won't start conversations with you. You could join groups from your school, join a sport, stuff like that. I'd get on a running program to. If you want things to change, you must be active. I can't believe I'm quoting 50 cent, but it's necessary: "If you want things in life you gotta go out and get it."-50 Cent (Curtis Jackson)

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Luxy]

Heya & welcome..but I totally understand you. I myself have been like that..I am too overweight & feel like a ghost. Family treated me like yours treat you..even worse from what happened in my childhood. School for me was a misery, just because no one even knew i was there. But looking back I wish I did more, spoke up like I do more now, And simply not give two hoots to what others thought, just be myself. After all if you are not there for yourself no one ever will be.

I dont really have any friends, never have, prob never will as I just do not know how to hold a conversation and most of the time we end up sitting in silence.

But like what others have said, join groups find something that interests you. Look on the net..you have made a start joining here. I know myself just being on these forums is great, just knowing you are not alone with how you feel is comforting and accepting that you are an unique individual. I like to think that us with SA are strong people and we just do not realise it. We want to be like the "normal, non-freaks" but really, we are better than those..how many of those who look down on us are "normal"?

It will take time and test you at times. But everyone here is here to help and support you. Just got to be positive...I know you prob have heard that a million times, I know I did and it took over 10yrs for it to sink in because of my stubborness. but now that I really try and fight my negative thoughts with positive my life is slowly but surely getting better.

Need to talk feel free to PM me =)

 

[RN3]

Hi NotNoticed I read your post and my heart went out to you. I realize that this site is designed for people with SA to support one another not feel sorry for each other. However, what I immediately noticed in your post is how down you seem to be on yourself. first let me say that although you may not get the attention that a thin person would get, I know alot of overweight people that do get noticed. Not getting attention is probaly related more to your quietness and shyness.


I think first you need to try and gain a positive attitude toward yourself. which takes alot of work. I read somewhere that out of every 100 thoughts that we have 75 of them are negative. With your Sa however it may be greater than that. So your gonna have to start turning your negative thoughts into positives. Also try striking up a conversation with someone. You know what I found out about myself, is that I really do know how to start a conversation. I'm just afraid at times.


Like JamesSmith said in his post and I quote "If you really want people to notice you, you have to make yourself noticed by talking to other people". I know, much easier said than done-RIGHT. baby steps.

remember keep talking and keeping posting. It really helps.

 

[eternalnewb]

Hi NotNoticed,
Welcome, I think that you will find that the people on this forum are really very helpful. I have been a member of many different forums where I too felt ignored, I would usually stop visiting the forums because of it. Here it is diferent. For the first time I feel like I am among people I can relate to, and reading through the posts I am able to see that there are others going through the same things I am. I think that if you stick around here you will find that you are not as alone as you may feel

 

[Waybuloo]

so your anxiety is only related to not being noticed? Correct me if i'm wrong, it's just you didn't elaborate on when you actually interact with people. I don't know what that weight figure is because I don't use the pound measure. I do see overweight people and some of them at work are really loud, it's hard to not notice them. I don't think the problem is in your weight, it is probably because of your dejected, downbeaten attitude, your body language, facial expression etc. I know how it feels to be invisible, a lot of teachers didn't know my name either, as well as a lot of people at school. I think maybe you feel like your weight is giving you bad attention so you want to hide? If you don't want to be somewhere and want to hide, your body kind of shows it. People, especiallly at school and college, don't like to be wiht unhappy people, that's just the way things are, unless it's their close friend that needs some help. My guessing is that you don't have any close friends, so people don't usually want to help strangers.

You say you get ignored online. I'm also guessing that they can't see your weight, so your weight can't be an issue for them to ignore you? You write fine on here, pretty engaging if you ask me, so maybe you are just not writing the type of topics to get people interested. I post some stuff on yahoo answers, some get noticed, some not at all.

One thing's for sure though, you are in the right place because most people understand how you feel.

 

[Lea]

I don't have anything against overweight people, but if you wanted to loose weight, I think it would help not eating fast food because the animals are fed steroid hormones to accelerate their growth and it does the same with people who eat their meat. That's the cause why there are lots of extremely overweight people esp. in some countries, like UK or USA.

 

[NotNoticed]

Thanks guys. I read all of your posts at least 5 times to let what you were saying sink into my brain.

baby steps.
That reminds me of the movie What about Bob? and baby steps cured him as well! Though he took it somewhat literally.

 

[Kinetik]

I really don't think your weight is an issue. Your problem has to do with not being connected with other people - so even being outgoing in and of itself isn't necessarily enough in this case. That's why when shy people make the effort to socialize it sometimes feels like there's a bit missing - like they didn't do it quite right. The reality is, they probably did fine, but without having networked with others beforehand, it can still feel forced and a little awkward. That's why it helps to make inroads with other people before you try to get yourself noticed. The world revolves around the rapport that people have with each other. So try making small talk or paying someone a compliment first - and focus on the people you see often, preferably daily. Once they have a better inkling as to who you are, you can go ahead be safely outgoing with them, but you're right, it will mean baby steps at first. And those first steps involve talking to people in as non-threatening a way as possible.

 

[miss_amy]

Hello and welcome from me too. I often feel invisable in life and Im not over weight. I don't know, I don't have answers but I wanted to say hello and I noticed you.

 

[lurknomore]

I've struggled with my weight most of my life- there was a point where I did lose weight, and it felt great... for a while. I guess I thought I would feel more "normal," but it didn't change my life, I was still me. So now I've gained most of the weight back, and am finding it hard to get back into healthy habits. I guess we need to find the motivation to improve ourselves within, and once that happens, we'll be more likely to take care of ourselves on the outside.