Overly depressed

[Falkor]

Hello,

I'm a 20 years old girl and I think I'm bipolar. I keep having different states. Always the high's and low's. Then I feel fantastic, then I feel horrible. Right now I feel depressed. I feel like nothing makes sense. I see myself in these states, looking for alternatives. I keep on seeking for different things in my life. And I have a lot of anxiety to be around ppl due to my social phobia so I feel like depressed a lot because I can't follow my dreams.

I dropped out of high school for 3 years and now I'm back in college, because I didn't want to isolate myself any longer. Though I don't really feel good around there. I keep on wanting to avoid from ppl over there and keep on running away from the things that I want to.

I keep on thinking, and pressuring myself, that I want to have action in my life. I could call you 50 things that I want to do, join a gym, go in a band to play music, build a website, write a book, watch thousands of movies, but still i can't find joy in them. Because I keep not finding myself enjoying something really. I keep rushing life away, I'm always in a rush and pressured. I am overly stressed and have hyperventilation attacks and panic attacks. I'm always anxious and tensed and I feel like life is too harsh on me, can't take it anymore.

I don't know where this is coming from, but I still don't understand my over-active mind, I don't take time on things, what I wish for, because if I start something, It doesn't make sense since I can't make it good.

What is happening here.

Anyone can give me advice ?

Saskia

 

[Adam1303]

Hey,

I'm 17 and I'm pretty much the same.. I'll go months being down and not wanting to leave the house to feeling fantastic and feeling like I can do anything, this only lasts a matter of days though before I turn back into the old depressing me.

I too am the same with that, I tend to get myself a lot of hobbies only to grow bored of them because I can't seem to get any satisfaction out of them either. I need something that challenges me and makes me doubt my ability to do it in order for me to enjoy or even attempt doing so.

It really is difficult, because being like this has made me lose track of who I am.. I no longer know what I want, who I aspire to be. All I know now, is that my interests change on a daily basis and I'm unable to feel accomplishment of any sort.

Sorry to twist it to being about me, just figured it might help if you know you aren't alone!

 

[MikeyC]

Saskia, maybe you're just in a low mood. Or maybe you truly are bi-polar. Only you really hold the answer to that, and maybe see if you can get diagnosed by a doctor about it.

I'm sorry nothing is making you happy. You're still fighting, though, and I commend you for that.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Saskia, I don't know how to help you but I hope you feel better.

 

[Falkor]

Hey,

I'm 17 and I'm pretty much the same.. I'll go months being down and not wanting to leave the house to feeling fantastic and feeling like I can do anything, this only lasts a matter of days though before I turn back into the old depressing me.

I too am the same with that, I tend to get myself a lot of hobbies only to grow bored of them because I can't seem to get any satisfaction out of them either. I need something that challenges me and makes me doubt my ability to do it in order for me to enjoy or even attempt doing so.

It really is difficult, because being like this has made me lose track of who I am.. I no longer know what I want, who I aspire to be. All I know now, is that my interests change on a daily basis and I'm unable to feel accomplishment of any sort.

Sorry to twist it to being about me, just figured it might help if you know you aren't alone!

Hi I'm sorry you feel the same. And i really don't mind you talking about from your perspective. I really don't mind. I listen.

You totally hit the right words here. I keep on growing out of satisfaction from my hobbies and keep changing them and keep on thinking about different scholarships while i'm at school. I also keep thinking about how much I am bored from my dull life. While I do have some things to do at the week, It doesn't really give me satisfaction, I think from my sub-concious is that I'm bothered by the fact that things don't go well the way I need it, I seriously want to be a much more likeable person. I really don't like myself, I'm totally on a field of bee's around ppl. I act like they could reject me all time, while they are just normal people, my family, (girlfriend, though she makes me feel most at ease), classmates, people at my job, band.

Everywhere I go, like school, I tend to feel pressured by everything. I'm anxious like a sledgehammer is hitting my mind. I can't seem to be who I want. I'm quiet, anxious, depressed, low, overly stressed. When people ask me something, I just say, Yes. And I keep on thinking, I need to say more more more. Really *** myself. I want to talk like a waterfall. I want to be liked, I want to be a stronger person, I want to do something incredible that people would never expect from me. Jeez, I hate the way I am. People just view me as a quiet mouse, a hermit, a painfully shy person to better leave out of it.

Though where should I start? This way I keep being depressed.

I have a band rehearsal next Wednesday and a talent show on Thursday. That's wonderful, though the only thing that bothers me at my band, Is that I just can't communicate. I keep on being quiet, only I DO sing. Though I mess it up sometimes. And the girls are all so social and extravert and laugh with eachother, that makes me feel stupid, like yeah, I need to be like that too, I might be a part of the band, but I don't feel like it, everytime I see them, I feel like running away from it and cry in the bathroom.

also at school, I hide everywhere. I'm in the back of class. In my own world at the computer, whilst everyone talks and laughs, I feel depressed by the fact that I can't be like that. And then during the breaks, I stand alone and feel pissed at myself.

I guess I'm just weird. I can't take this feeling and don't know what the heck is going on in my mind.

Edit: I also have thoughts like wanting to leave the country, see something new. I also dream about becoming famous and having something great everyday to do. And I wish for a job, where there are less people at the office, nice ppl who communicate with me, being spontaniously and really taking effort to communicate with me, I feel left out. And I need to talk more, I hate myself for being such a bad socialising person with the ''nerves'' and no words to say. I hate myself, and I guess that's what bothering me as well.

 

[Ashiene]

Hello,

I'm a 20 years old girl and I think I'm bipolar. I keep having different states. Always the high's and low's. Then I feel fantastic, then I feel horrible. Right now I feel depressed. I feel like nothing makes sense. I see myself in these states, looking for alternatives. I keep on seeking for different things in my life. And I have a lot of anxiety to be around ppl due to my social phobia so I feel like depressed a lot because I can't follow my dreams.

I dropped out of high school for 3 years and now I'm back in college, because I didn't want to isolate myself any longer. Though I don't really feel good around there. I keep on wanting to avoid from ppl over there and keep on running away from the things that I want to.

I keep on thinking, and pressuring myself, that I want to have action in my life. I could call you 50 things that I want to do, join a gym, go in a band to play music, build a website, write a book, watch thousands of movies, but still i can't find joy in them. Because I keep not finding myself enjoying something really. I keep rushing life away, I'm always in a rush and pressured. I am overly stressed and have hyperventilation attacks and panic attacks. I'm always anxious and tensed and I feel like life is too harsh on me, can't take it anymore.

I don't know where this is coming from, but I still don't understand my over-active mind, I don't take time on things, what I wish for, because if I start something, It doesn't make sense since I can't make it good.

What is happening here.

Anyone can give me advice ?

Saskia

Yes! I think I am Bi-polar too. In one of my threads (My Many Mad Moods), I talked about how I keep fluctuating between feeling motivated/positive and depressed/negative and I can switch moods very quickly in a span of days or even hours. As such, it is very difficult to follow through with any plans I have made. I don't know how to overcome this so I cannot give any advice but if you have found a solution please share. Thanks.

 

[Phoenixx]

Hello,

I'm a 20 years old girl and I think I'm bipolar. I keep having different states. Always the high's and low's. Then I feel fantastic, then I feel horrible. Right now I feel depressed. I feel like nothing makes sense. I see myself in these states, looking for alternatives. I keep on seeking for different things in my life. And I have a lot of anxiety to be around ppl due to my social phobia so I feel like depressed a lot because I can't follow my dreams.

I dropped out of high school for 3 years and now I'm back in college, because I didn't want to isolate myself any longer. Though I don't really feel good around there. I keep on wanting to avoid from ppl over there and keep on running away from the things that I want to.

I keep on thinking, and pressuring myself, that I want to have action in my life. I could call you 50 things that I want to do, join a gym, go in a band to play music, build a website, write a book, watch thousands of movies, but still i can't find joy in them. Because I keep not finding myself enjoying something really. I keep rushing life away, I'm always in a rush and pressured. I am overly stressed and have hyperventilation attacks and panic attacks. I'm always anxious and tensed and I feel like life is too harsh on me, can't take it anymore.

I don't know where this is coming from, but I still don't understand my over-active mind, I don't take time on things, what I wish for, because if I start something, It doesn't make sense since I can't make it good.

What is happening here.

Anyone can give me advice ?

Saskia

^ My cousin is the same exact way (in bold) and she's very bipolar. I can never keep track of her because she's constantly on a whirlwind of wanting to do this, wanting to do that. She has intense periods of happiness and anger, the mood swings sometimes being within 10 mins. of each other. She has other issues as well though, so it just makes everything worse.

If you're truly concerned about this Saskia and it's really affecting your life, I'd seek out some help if I were you. I'm sorry I can't really help you other than to suggest getting diagnosed and possibly getting medicine, or whatever your doctor suggests. Good luck to you, my friend.

 

[Gaucho]

hey saskia, first of all, i watched many of your youtube videos and you are a very nice person, and a good singer.

i think I'm also bipolar, the swings are drastic. I'm not good at giving advice

 

[gustavofring]

Hey Saskia, your issues sound a bit similar to mine.

You're still very young, but I understand you're feeling very pressured at this point. I think many people in their twenties have similar feelings (quarter life crisis of sorts). It's hard to accept who you are at this moment and where you are in life. Hard to find a constant peace of mind. It brings a lot of stress and anxiety that stagnates us. Especially if you're socially anxious and have self confidence issues.

Have you thought about that you possibly might have ADD? I think I do.

I could advice you to try to make clear goals. I know how difficult it is with mood swings and change of interests on a whim to stick to plans, but sometimes a clear deadline for something can give us that extra push to get further in life, and in turn makes us feel more confident.

Also try to accept where you are now in life, warts and all. Try to embrace the positive things. Talk to people and be honest with yourself. Everyone has down moods every once in a while, and it's perfectly human. And I think you're doing great, you go to college, have a girlfriend, are in a band, have a job! Don't be too harsh on yourself.