Over 35's only Does it get better?

OVER 35's ONLY!!!! 'Does it get better?'

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    26
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BlueDays

BlueDays

1
I have been trying to think how to explain my answer, but it is so complicated and I am not that articulate :/

Do you run at the same level of anxiety now that you did when you were late teens/twenties/early 30s?
I'd say my anxiety is about 10% less then my teens/twenties. It has only decreased to this amount in the last 5 years (I am 40 now).

Has anything improved?
My self-esteem has improved. The improvement in my slef-esteem has not come from therapy etc, I think it has just increased due to the general knowledge you absorb during your life. It's difficult to explain. Anyway, that improvement in my self-esteem has resulted in the ability manage dealing with my SA better.

Do you feel you blend in more easily?
No, definetely not.
I have yet to figure out how to control and stop the physical signs of my anxiety.


With the small improvement in my self-esteem and management of my SA that has occured in the last 5 years, it has given me some hope that I may be able to learn to manage the anxiety even more in the future.
That is an improvemnt in itself because until my early 30's I had no hope at all of ever even being able to manage it.
I have come to accept that for me the SA will remain 'til death (mine is so ingrained that CBT/therapy has not worked) however I will be happy to just further improve the way I manage it.:)
 
F

Facethefear

Well-known member
I agree with BlueDays that over time things get better if you make the decision to work on this situation. You begin with a critical self review and make the needed improvements. Maybe you cannot expect to become a gregarious leader but you can be an honest, generous, harmless team player.
Work on your body with exercise and experimenting with food and possible allergies. Maybe stimulants such as coffee and depressants like alcohol work in your system to your detriment unlike the majority. Or sugar could be the villian. Think of what you crave and try to limit it. My theory is that we eat the wrong diet, our body reacts and our brain follows in a downward spiral. Try a water fast for a few days and sense the calmness. Try yoga for breathing exercises and walking until you get a fluid motion happening. Try having a hot bath and going to bed early without sleeping pills and cut your daily meds in half. Tell people you are an introvert and need your aloneness.
Over time, every step in the right direction is improving your self esteem and you begin to realize your strength of mind and body. Then one day it happens: you are in control of yourself even though you still might fight an inner battle.
Then you see the world as it is and treat it the way you want to be treated. You don't want to be hurt so you don't hurt anything or anybody. When others strike out at you you don't play their game and tell them so. You will not be affected by their anger and will try to eliminate it before walking away. If nasty people make nasty remarks about your lack of anything they think only they possess, you can honestly say "That is not true. I know who and what I am so your opinion means nothing. I don't make insulting remarks to you so why do you think you have the right to say them to me? Why are you so angry?"
(I recently got away from one of the nastiest humans I have ever met after realizing she had no kind of strength whatsoever, only the adrenalin that extreme anger and constant annoyance brings. At times, I actually thought I got through to her that she didn't have to be a pitbull around me but she was just taking a breather. If she could not see the desired effects of her bullying ways - nervousness, silence, obediance -then she would try harder because she had to be the winner.)
I think my recent encounter with this monster was a test that I passed but not with flying colours. Like all bullies, she expected I would be frightened of her but I smiled and laughed instead. Then she tried to make me angry with many personal remarks that I swatted away with forced calmness. Then she ignored me. I didn't win and I didn't lose.
I am still learning, investigating and practicing. I hope something I wrote helps someone else because I believe we are all here (this forum, this planet) to help each other and to not battle each other. Namaste.
 
razzle dazzle rose

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
We do have to remember that most people who have overcome their anxiety may not visit forums like this. They are too busy living life ::p: It is important to have "success stories" though. But it is so easy to just want to leave it all behind. I am guilty of this myself. I am an OCD success story, and I no longer frequent the OCD forums I used to. I have to go back and let them know it can get better....because it does.
 
K

Kevin T

Member
Under 40 but over 35 and it had gotten worse with no hope of getting anything but even worse.

I'm just speaking for myself, I am sure for many it can and does get better. But despite the optimistic attitude I used to have things never got any better, I never advanced at work and there were no opportunities for better work. I lost my job altogether several years ago and I see no chance for anything but a minimum wage job in my future (and very little chance of even that) and I'm not talking about temporarily, I'm talking about the rest of my life.

I've never had a girlfriend and see no prospects of that ever changing, I haven't had any friends since high school and even than it was rarely more than a couple and even then there were long stretches of loneliness.

I have no hope.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
if i still expected the same things out of life that i did when i was 20, i'd probably tell you that things don't get better

and maybe on paper, nothing has changed

but what maturity has provided is a fresh way to look at things that allows me to see that life is much better than i thought it could be back when i thought i knew everything
 
psych

psych

Well-known member
Could've sworn I already answered this poll...

It's gotten better. I still have SA, but I don't suffer from it as much. I've learned how to manage it better.
 
G

GeeWilkie

New member
bsammy said:
"Its not easy to accept yourself for who you are when no one else does"
Click to expand...

This is the wrong way around. Waiting for other people to accept you before you accept yourself is why you are stuck.

-- When you accept yourself, then other people will accept you --

When you accept yourself (aka love your flaws and not give a crap what others think) then others will have more respect for you and accept you more.

Accepting yourself is empowering, waiting for external acceptance is torture and never ending until you... accept yourself first :)

Never, ever, ever, ever, rely on external validation because it's transitory.

And most people are not "normal", they are screwed up in their own little ways in their own little heads with their own little problems.
 
conscious_mindz

conscious_mindz

Well-known member
Im 32 years old & i dont think it gets any better, for me i feel more depressed that my 20s were swallowed up by social anxiety & i feel worse now than i did back then, at least in my 20s i had some kind of hope, i felt young enough & felt like i had options & i had friends & wasnt so lonely, now all of my old friends have gotten married & having kids settling down into there 30s, while im stuck on my own 32 years old feeling really lonely feeling worse now than i ever have, i dont mean to sound so bleak but its just how i feel, i dont think after 35 years old things will get any better
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
OK I removed the votes of these people who were not 35 or over:

Meggy0001
thegunners21
conscious_mindz
montejocarlo
Nikos23
Robyrob82

The tally is now accurate.
 
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