Ostracizing Others

[powerfulthoughts]

It is of course a natural thing in life that, when one starts to feel part of a social group and being included and accepted, that he will then follow course with the others in his group. That means if they talk down on someone, he will join. If they ostracize others as being some way inferior, he follows suit, because he values his place in the social circle so highly that he not dare break the bond with that group by defending an outcast.

Unfortunately, I found this out at a very few certain points in my life, when I actually have been part of a small circle, and looking back on it, I hate myself for it. But I have much more often been the one that has been ostracized, on account of being so different. I'm the easy, natural choice to exclude because of my social dysfunction. It is this part of humanity; the need or desire to ostracize others in order to keep your treasured spot on the social scale of worthiness, that I despise. I wish very deeply that every human being could be a part of any group, and that all people would be a family. Theoretically many people have tried to imply that is what we are, but we all know the truth is much different.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I suppose this could be one reason why I don't have any close friends.

So, I don't bother hanging out with people who don't speak up against such rude comments or who join in and laugh and don't apologize.
People who share my point of view and have the guts to speak up against such group mentalities are rare.
So I just don't have any friends.

One person usually starts it, though-- in an attempt to feel funny or powerful or whatever. The others go along and prove that the person who started it really is getting 'power' out of berating others.
I guess that's pretty much how it works and I doubt things will ever change.
People are quite mean to eachother... like they can't inhale without exhaling something toxic first.

 

[MrJones]

I've been made fun of all my life, I don't tolerate when others do it to someone else.

I know this guy from uni who always insults a guy for no reason and I always confront him. I can't stand those who feel superior to any other person.

 

[MikeyC]

I feel like what you're saying is way more prevalent in high school, when your social circle is basically your life. When you grow up the ostracizing remains but it's not as demeaning as it was at school.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

I feel like what you're saying is way more prevalent in high school, when your social circle is basically your life. When you grow up the ostracizing remains but it's not as demeaning as it was at school.

It's a lot more noticeable and tangible in high school, but there are cliques that always do the same thing. I use to go to a church that had a bunch of social circles, and I had a very strong sense of being excluded because it was easier to maintain what they had going then to include the weird quiet guy. But I dunno, maybe it's all in my head,

 

[MikeyC]

It's a lot more noticeable and tangible in high school, but there are cliques that always do the same thing. I use to go to a church that had a bunch of social circles, and I had a very strong sense of being excluded because it was easier to maintain what they had going then to include the weird quiet guy. But I dunno, maybe it's all in my head,

Groups and social circles will occur in all facets of life. I'm sure if you spoke to a few people they would've welcomed you immediately.

Hell, even SPW has a certain social circle to it. It's just the way it is.

I'm not suggesting ostracizing is right, though.

 

[Kinetik]

To be honest, I always felt quite welcome in social groups when I was growing up. I was never ridiculed or made to feel an outcast - I was an outcast of my own volition. For whatever reason, I never felt comfortable around people, and being sociable was draining for me. So much so that I never wanted to hang out after school or on weekends because that was my sacred recharging time, which I still very much need to this day.

Not only was socializing always tiring for me, but I didn't want to be pigeonholed or stuck with any kind of stigma. That's why I burned my bridges after high school. I figured I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone in the future anyway, and it seems I was more or less right. I only have a very slight need to be sociable, and even then, I do it all within the context of my family and fiancee. That's more than enough for me.

 

[The Observer]

Can you share your views on what you mean when you say we all know the truth is much different?

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Groups and social circles will occur in all facets of life. I'm sure if you spoke to a few people they would've welcomed you immediately.

Hell, even SPW has a certain social circle to it. It's just the way it is.

I'm not suggesting ostracizing is right, though.

Exactly right, they occur in all facets of life. My post was simply decrying that fact of life.

I don't think social circles are bad necessarily, only when someone must feel the need to ostracize others to feel valuable in their own group. That happens at all levels, not just high school.

But, yeah, I don't really think I would have been welcomed in the sense that I could be part of their group. Lack of natural social ability sort of automatically detaches you from everyone. If people don't feel good talking to you, and you make the conversation uncomfortable, then you sort of naturally get ostracized because people want to avoid feeling uneasy. That's not really a mark on them, but a sad fact of how dysfunctional SP really is.

 

[Section_31]

I know what your saying. unfortunately i always got myself kicked out of social circles because id defend said victim.

Ended up being quite the loner.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Can you share your views on what you mean when you say we all know the truth is much different?

Yeah. The platitude of "we are all one human family" is one that I actually admire. I love the sentiment behind that, and in theory it makes a lot of sense to me. Always look out for your fellow man, always be there for each other, etc. Instead, the reality is that humanity is fragmented into groups, where people are always fighting to get to the top of the social hierarchy. That means if someone can de-value another in order for them to feel more valuable, then most people will do that without fail.

I whole heartedly believe that all men are created equal. And that in truth we are all on the same level. But the way humanity operates is that we are not looking out for each other. Rather, all we want is to become great. To be better than the other person.

I have been in situations where I have been dismissed by others, and looked upon as inferior or weird, etc. I've had people tell me that others were saying this about me. Now, I realize what was happening. I was being de-valued so they could feel valued. Insults of other people are always to feel superior, and to cover up their own sense of shame and insecurity.

This is pretty much what I mean. We can't have everyone on a socially equal value scale, because people are hungry to feel superior and great. I forgot who, but a famous philosopher once wrote, "humans are driven by two motives; the sex urge and the desire to be great." What I admire about Christianity is that Jesus taught all people to be humble, to sit in the back of the synagogues, to do good to those who hurt and use you. Jesus was and taught the ultimate example of how I wish humanity actually was; "love others as yourself."

 

[O'Killian]

To be honest, I always felt quite welcome in social groups when I was growing up. I was never ridiculed or made to feel an outcast - I was an outcast of my own volition. For whatever reason, I never felt comfortable around people, and being sociable was draining for me. So much so that I never wanted to hang out after school or on weekends because that was my sacred recharging time, which I still very much need to this day.

Not only was socializing always tiring for me, but I didn't want to be pigeonholed or stuck with any kind of stigma. That's why I burned my bridges after high school. I figured I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone in the future anyway, and it seems I was more or less right. I only have a very slight need to be sociable, and even then, I do it all within the context of my family and fiancee. That's more than enough for me.

Man, this describes me to a T (less the fiancee part). Except for one particular year in grade school where I moved from 'regular' school to the highly-sheltered and 'elite' gifted and talented program, I never lacked for a group to talk to or eat lunch with in school. College of course was a different matter entirely, heh.

--

To address the actual topic, I find it hard to get too upset about it but then I absolutely hate rocking the boat. It's certainly a human thing - a relic from when distrusting strangers or odd folks was a survival mechanism.

I think it's a relatively harmless thing, when it's essentially a means of group cohesion or blowing off steam. When it becomes outright bullying or slander - that's when it's absolutely unacceptable.

That said I do agree that people should strive to be more than that - that the world would be a better place if everyone loved others as they loved themselves. Unfortunately that just ain't the real world.

 

[MikeyC]

Whilst growing up and at school, everyone was pretty much on the same level - full time education. But graduation seemed a bit like the start-gun being pulled on a race... everybody launching away from the start line at varying speeds depending on their careers, relationships statuses etc. A lot of people just want to make lots of money and have a big house and car and generally be the best at everything. But I've met too many people who disagree with that ideology to think that the people who want to be great are in the majority. I think it's a lot more even than that.

For every person sleeping their way to a high-profile job (I have a 'friend' who did that...) there's somebody working their socks off on minimum wage doing a job they love. For every person who gets their kicks from ridiculously priced jewellery there's somebody who gets their kicks from a humble sunset view. The problem is, that it's usually the former type that we have exposure to because they're the ones more likely to put themselves in the spotlight.

Great post. I would rather a nice sunset view than a piece of jewellery, anyway. But I think society is becoming more and more of a "me" type world, which is not going to work because we all need people on some level.

When at school I would always try to make the new kid welcome and try to be their friend. Unfortunately they would be my friend and then "move on" soon after. Not all the time, but sometimes.

 

[The Observer]

Thanks powerfulthoughts.