Optimistic about future.

[Weirdo]

Today as I woke up from my 11 hour slumber I was thinking about my life for over an hour. I finally decided to drop out of uni(or opt out, as it's called when it's by choice).
I feel so motivated to improve myself in every possible way that when I come to the 5 year high school anniversary meeting or whatever it's called, people won't even recognize me and the girls will want me.
First I'm gonna improve physically(work out, fix teeth, fix skin, get a haircut etc.) then mentally(more confident means more talkative and less socially anxious). I'm also gonna read some books about making friends and impressing people to improve my charisma, so I'll be like Tony Stark from Ironman I'll have the best qualities of both a "nice guy" and a "confident jerk", thus becoming an uber-alpha male, irresistible to women and men alike

I also plan to take some shitty jobs, like work in warehouse and such, to get some life experience. I never made a single cent my whole life(not counting family) so that has to change. After I do all that, returning to uni and getting a diploma will be a piece of cake, since I will be able to focus all my energy into studies instead of feeling depressed and spending 10 hours a day at PC.

I feel so happy and motivated and I didn't even have to read some brainwashing "JUST THINK POSITIVE!!" book. I see myself as a really succesful person within 5-10 years and that's really good because until now I saw myself as a lonely loser with no future.
Btw, my(first) ex-date said she's curious how uni will change me and we plan to meet a couple years later so then I'll show her what mistake she's made Life is great I just hope I won't lose this optimism any time soon and everything will go as I planned and I believe it will.

Anyone else feeling as optimistic about their future as me?

 

[DarkSeeker]

It's good that your optimistic with your future, but the path to the future is a path filled with unexpected twists and deceptions just like the path of Hell is a path filled with good intentions.

I'm somewhat worried about the you wanting to be someone else to please other people. I know that being someone else is not something that feels good. Every accomplishment feels somewhat empty, you find yourself sabotaging your efforts at every turn, you wonder what's wrong with you, but you just can't put your finger on it. Then the depression comes back and you still haven't done anything.

The only one thing you really need is to find the courage to allow yourself to express your real self.

Trust me, believing in a optimistic future is not about being positive. It's about believing that your instincts will somehow guide you around all those obstacles and toward a better future.

 

[Weirdo]

I'm not going to become someone else, I'm just going to become the perfect me, or at least try to get as close to it as possible. It's certainly better than ending up a depressed 30 year old virgin with no friends or gf, unemployed and living with parents constantly reminding me of what a failure I am.

 

[DarkSeeker]

Of course you're not going to become someone else, but are you sure you know the real perfect you? Is the real you someone who constantly try to impress everyone and wants to be liked by everyone? Or is the real you someone who sometimes likes to impress certain types of people and likes being liked by certain types of people? Maybe he's just someone who wants to accomplish something significant to him in life?

Not everyone likes a "nice guy" or a "confident jerk", and as for that supposed uber-alpha-male, well he already has a load of problems on his own accord. They aren't too many people that genuinely like someone who's full of himself.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of these things you want to do, I'm just saying to do them without unreal expectations, which may very well be part of the what that put you where you are in the first place.

You don't have to live up to anyone standards, perhaps not even your own, and that's when doing things start being fun again.

 

[spect01]

Females can see right through us guys. If we try to be something we are not they will sense it.

 

[Anubis]

My only advice: Get off the internet fast (hell, get rid of your computer in general, store it in your car, basement, etc).

Because these moments of self-improvement are rare. And staying in front of the computer gives you too much time to second-guess yourself.

Living life is all about doing. Nobody ever succeeded on theory alone. Which is why I'm getting rid of my computer after today. I'm storing it so far away that I won't want to get it.

I'll still have my 500mhz laptop, but I won't be very encouraged to use it (since it's not fast enough for my computer activities).

 

[Lea]

You must be either kidding, on drugs or never had a real social phobia. Or you're still young and didn't try enough things = didn't have enough failures to convince you that no matter what you do, you never suceed. Anyway good luck, hope your optimism stays for long, that's the most important thing but difficult to have.

 

[shore_of_glass]

It's good that your optimistic with your future, but the path to the future is a path filled with unexpected twists and deceptions just like the path of Hell is a path filled with good intentions.

I'm somewhat worried about the you wanting to be someone else to please other people. I know that being someone else is not something that feels good. Every accomplishment feels somewhat empty, you find yourself sabotaging your efforts at every turn, you wonder what's wrong with you, but you just can't put your finger on it. Then the depression comes back and you still haven't done anything.

The only one thing you really need is to find the courage to allow yourself to express your real self.

Trust me, believing in a optimistic future is not about being positive. It's about believing that your instincts will somehow guide you around all those obstacles and toward a better future.

This post is very interesting.
OP says that he'll try to be more attractive, more talkative, less anxious and he's gonna get a job to get some experience, again university etc..
You say that he might wanting to become someone else.

Well... how do you know what is our real self? Can't someone take care of themselves physicaly and mentaly and then worry about that?
I can relate because I've been trying to improve myself in those aspects (I know a job would do me good but SA's a bitch) and I wondered a lot about what is our real self. I really don't know how to get there. What defines our real self?

 

[DarkSeeker]

What defines our real self?

I think we can define our real self with personal characteristics that are naturally acquired and expressed without any direct interference from the outside world. Things you discover through curiosity and events that happens in your life.

Take food as a simple example. I like spaghetti, sometimes I just go and decide that tonight I'm going to eat spaghetti. I'm not eating spaghetti because I was forced too when I was young or because my parents liked to eat spaghetti, if that would be the case it wouldn't feel good and I wouldn't bother. I'm eating spaghetti because I want to and because it tastes good.

If you go, and make a list of traits that you think makes you who you are, another list of traits of the traits you expressed when with other people, and compare them with a final list of traits from important figures from your childhood, you may find that you caught up some nasty habits that doesn't have anything to do with you.

The big problem with acting like someone else, is that it is this someone else who lives and feels for you, which inevitably lead you into destroying him.

 

[Noca]

How does dropping out of college improve your life?

 

[Anubis]

How does dropping out of college improve your life?

I'd say it improves you life if it's an educated decision that is quickly followed up with another educated decision (seeking alternate opportunity). But if you stop after dropping out, and go into a 6-month period of depression, then it's not much of an improvement.

 

[Hellhound]

I am sorry to wreck the possitivity here, but I am not optimistic at all. I used to be when I was younger, I liked to think I would be successful, that I would have a life, a more "normal" one. Now a days I have turned into a ghost, I don't live, I exist... I see nothing like a future. My mind is stuck in the past and present. If you ask me about my future, I can't see shit... It feels like someone put a wall in front of me and I am unable to see beyond my current situation, which makes me think I'm going to be like this forever. It's a really bad feeling I can't describe. Although, I still have a little spark of hope and I believe that something or someone will "save" me from this hell someday.

 

[shore_of_glass]

list of traits that you think makes you who you are

Well there's the problem. What if we are wrong about ourselves because we confuse our traits with our "out-self" traits.

another thing, I think we are born with certain fundamental traits, when we first enter the world. These traits will decide the rest of what we'll be based on the influence of the world. Are these the traits you're refering to?

 

[DarkSeeker]

Well there's the problem. What if we are wrong about ourselves because we confuse our traits with our "out-self" traits.

another thing, I think we are born with certain fundamental traits, when we first enter the world. These traits will decide the rest of what we'll be based on the influence of the world. Are these the traits you're refering to?

Well that's I was trying to say. I mean, you may not be sure that the traits that you think defines you are the good ones, but when for example you compare them to those from people who took a position of authority on you and you find that some of these traits are clearly a copy and paste, it brings up questions as whether they are yours or theirs. You know it's yours when you instinctively feel good about it, and you know it's there's when you don't understand why you keep acting like this.

For example, sometimes I feel very emotionless and procrastinate a lot. That's not who I am, because I am very talkative and I love being dynamic and doing multiple things at a time, often mixing up work and hobbies. I don't wait for tomorrow to act. Being emotionless and procrastinating is not something natural to me, it doesn't feel good. It's something that was forced on me by my father who acted exactly like this, but I may be tricked into thinking that it's part of me because sometimes I feel the need to act like this even though I don't really want to.

 

[Anubis]

As I mentioned before, I'm making the "jump" in a few minutes, heh. The "jump" being packing away my computer and trying to live without it ... at least for a few days. This is basically the first time in my life that I am WILLFULLY getting rid of my computer so it's going to feel like ripping a band-aid off. I still have no social life, but I feel like this may jump-start something.

I'll still have my crappy Windows 98 500mhz laptop, but it can't handle 90% of the things I normally do on the internet, so I'm essentially going cold-turkey. I'll let you know if I survive, lol.

 

[redski]

I would advise you not to drop out, because what if you fail with your attempt for self improvement. Let's say 2 year go by. Then what? Maybe those two years would have been enough to complete a degree.

I'm not going to become someone else, I'm just going to become the perfect me, or at least try to get as close to it as possible. It's certainly better than ending up a depressed 30 year old virgin with no friends or gf, unemployed and living with parents constantly reminding me of what a failure I am.

I pretty am this guy. So take my advice. At least I would rather be a 30 year old virgin with no friends or girlfriend living at home with my folks with a degree then all of the above with no degree.
I would have something to show for.

 

[Notoriously Alone]

That's great for you man. I wish i could have that kind of attitude. If your going to do anything though, do it now! Before you have a change to change your mind. As for those who say dropping out of university is bad, I would think you'd get a much better experience if your actually happy there. You can actually concentrate on university and not on all your flaws.
Also have to be realistic though, and realize that after a certain period of time, you will have to go back to uni...even if you didn't 'change' yourself.

 

[Weirdo]

I think dropping out is a good decision, because I'm sure I woudln't be able to get a decent job even with a degree. I don't know how it works in the US, but here when you're unemployed, they find you some easy job for free in a work office and I could use some money. Also higher education is free here so I don't have to care about unpaid tuition bills. All in all, I don't really have much to lose, just gain..experience, money, respect for doing things my way, social skills etc..

The problem here is, my mother doesn't yet know I want to quit and she thinks I'm studying hard. I don't know if it will be better if I try hard to pass all the classes and then quit or rather fail on purpose and say I just couldn't do it, which is kind of true actually. For instance this weekend I couldn't study for more than an hour because I spent the whole time in bed with my trusty laptop and slept 11-12 hours both nights.) Now, if I passed, I'm sure everyone would be like "Are you crazy? Why would you leave? Don't be stupid, do you want to ruin your life?" and convince me to stay, which is not what I want. And even if I decided to stay and somehow managed to get a degree, I still think dropping out and then coming back would make my life richer. Moreover I'd say most succesfull people didn't go to study right after finishing high school and I want to be one of those people.

School < Life experience

 

[Honda]

I wish i got your motivation, i feel that im lazy and say words more than actions and thats why i dont feel like i moved anywhere in my life along with the fact that i got chances but never had guts to give it a go... Im actually planning to take dj lessons after work just for the sake of it.. I feel it will help me meet interesting people and add something new to my life as im too lazy for gym...

 

[Weirdo]

Oh I'm the laziest person alive, but I can't keep going on like this. I might even have to get used to waking up with an alarm clock so I can quit my oversleeping habit.