ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
.....maybe not a miracle. Just my stupid resilience to continue on in this life. My stupid resilience is rather robust. I seem to love shame.
On The Verge of A Nervous Breakdown
- Thread starter ImNotMyIllness
- Start date
hidwell
Well-known member
Sorry to hear that you are in a tight corner, just try and ride out the storm. You never know an opportunity may arise that could change your situation for the better. Just hang in there.
Sorry about your situation... the quoted sentence in particular caught my eye...did you abruptly go off of it? Is your doctor aware of this? You might be experiencing withdrawal effects. Hang in there.
You might also find this link beneficial:
How fast can you safely get off Klonopin? - Benzodiazepines - Take a Chill Pill! - CrazyBoards
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ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Actually, I never took it. I'm not on any medication right now. My doctor prescribed me Klonopin to use in emergency scenarios. Well, I did research on it and freaked out. I flushed it down the toilet the same day I picked it up at the pharmacy. Problem now, is that EVERDAY will be an EMERGENCY. I am hanging on by a thread. I have NEVER been this out of control, and worried about myself. I'm agitated, irrational and feeling very impulsive at the moment.
...I have relaxed a little since writing the thread. Right now I'm reading a book about a Psychologist's personal account of becoming manic depressive. GREAT READ!
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness: Kay Redfield Jamison: 9780679763307: Amazon.com: Books
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
(before all hell broke loose) I broke my hard drive by slamming my laptop shut. I ended up having to buy another hard drive and reinstalling everything. Only a few minutes ago, in a fit of rage (after hitting myself) I almost broke my laptop again.
..........I also can't control what is coming out of my mouth. And in this dysfunctional home that will definitely end up putting me on the street soon.....I might have to call up my doctor (after I cancelled our original appointment) and ask for pills or something. I need to be tranquilized..........But, that will affect my studies! My college course work was the only thing making me feel happy. I need to be sharp and at my best, intellectually and creatively. I won't forgive myself if I blow this...but, it looks inevitable! Im so angry!!!!!
Cough Cough Cough.......F', that's all I hear. I just want some g' damn peace and quiet.
..........I also can't control what is coming out of my mouth. And in this dysfunctional home that will definitely end up putting me on the street soon.....I might have to call up my doctor (after I cancelled our original appointment) and ask for pills or something. I need to be tranquilized..........But, that will affect my studies! My college course work was the only thing making me feel happy. I need to be sharp and at my best, intellectually and creatively. I won't forgive myself if I blow this...but, it looks inevitable! Im so angry!!!!!
Cough Cough Cough.......F', that's all I hear. I just want some g' damn peace and quiet.
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ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
GEEZ! Such a mean little box person! Maybe I should change my avatar. LOL!
gustavofring
Well-known member
I know what this is like.
Having your life stripped down bit by bit, financial despair, no where to go, family members raving psychoticly, unable to understand or support..
I have (thank God) found a job, going to work sunday, first work day. Thing is I don't even have money for a suit which is required... I truly hate and avoid having to borrow money and I've been given a lot of crap for it already (and rightfully so). I'm not sure how I'll even survive with the little money I have until my first salary arrives. Combine that with the stress of starting a new job...
Things are pretty dire.
I'm sure things wil work out though with work, calmness, a willingness to solve problems, help, and resilience, but man. I feel like having a nervous breakdown too. It's just too much right now and the fear and anxiety only strengthens my AVP.
Having your life stripped down bit by bit, financial despair, no where to go, family members raving psychoticly, unable to understand or support..
I have (thank God) found a job, going to work sunday, first work day. Thing is I don't even have money for a suit which is required... I truly hate and avoid having to borrow money and I've been given a lot of crap for it already (and rightfully so). I'm not sure how I'll even survive with the little money I have until my first salary arrives. Combine that with the stress of starting a new job...
Things are pretty dire.
I'm sure things wil work out though with work, calmness, a willingness to solve problems, help, and resilience, but man. I feel like having a nervous breakdown too. It's just too much right now and the fear and anxiety only strengthens my AVP.
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springk
Well-known member
hi INM
i dont even know what to say!
you are very anxious ..and as you are saying you dont want to blow it all you HAVE to hang in there. There are times when you feel there is no way out..and may be its even true but i believe there.ARE WAYS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER if not completely solve the problem.
Today or rather for few days i have been feeling very very sad..its like i m tired of living fighting each day with myself and the world ..argh but then what else can i do.
Even if its a no compensation but if you feel no one care there are many people here who care for you. So please take care of yourself. may be distract yourself..you said you can come on streets. cant you take help from someone?
i dont even know what to say!
you are very anxious ..and as you are saying you dont want to blow it all you HAVE to hang in there. There are times when you feel there is no way out..and may be its even true but i believe there.ARE WAYS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER if not completely solve the problem.
Today or rather for few days i have been feeling very very sad..its like i m tired of living fighting each day with myself and the world ..argh but then what else can i do.
Even if its a no compensation but if you feel no one care there are many people here who care for you. So please take care of yourself. may be distract yourself..you said you can come on streets. cant you take help from someone?
miserablecow
Well-known member
I wish I'm able to give you some advice/help.
I'm in a similar situation as you and I'm not coping well myself.
I'm in a similar situation as you and I'm not coping well myself.
mikebird
Banned
Migraine?
This ruled my life from school, through University and during all my employment. Nobody can see it. It's inside. People see it as just "a headache". Its major effect is social. My soul collapsed because of it. Not functioning properly. I couldn't get myself together. Tried all treatments. The most useful was a blue bag to keep in the freezer. Had to accept that the cold won't get thru the skull. Put on the eye causing the effects to transmit the freeze into the brain. Works. Others were all types of tablets. Useless even a big plastic syringe with a sprung trigger to blast the liquid thru the skin. The sooner you detect the migraines happen, the better any treatment works.
More than one year free of migraine now. This is the best event that's ever happened in my life. Different way of living, but the history has crippled the career
This ruled my life from school, through University and during all my employment. Nobody can see it. It's inside. People see it as just "a headache". Its major effect is social. My soul collapsed because of it. Not functioning properly. I couldn't get myself together. Tried all treatments. The most useful was a blue bag to keep in the freezer. Had to accept that the cold won't get thru the skull. Put on the eye causing the effects to transmit the freeze into the brain. Works. Others were all types of tablets. Useless even a big plastic syringe with a sprung trigger to blast the liquid thru the skin. The sooner you detect the migraines happen, the better any treatment works.
More than one year free of migraine now. This is the best event that's ever happened in my life. Different way of living, but the history has crippled the career
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Now, is usually my time to be alone with my thoughts. Away from the family and the public. But NO, I have a Giant Turnip, a living bean bag in the living room snoring away. So I'm stuck in my room. It makes me feel claustrophobic.
gummybear22
Well-known member
lol giant turnip
i've never heard anyone characterized as such. or a living bean bag
i'm in the living room while they're asleep. still can't make much noise though, especially if crying. gotta hold that junk back.
i've never heard anyone characterized as such. or a living bean bag
i'm in the living room while they're asleep. still can't make much noise though, especially if crying. gotta hold that junk back.
OCDd
Well-known member
i hate to sound rude but gummybear22 is right. when life hands you lemons you make lemonade, when life hands you a hard time, you will get out of it. hey man your a great person, you have to give yourself more credit. ive been in a bad mood at times and then ill go on here and make a post and youll post something on mine and cheer me up
just like everyone, God has plans for you. his plans may be not what you had in mine, but he works in mysterious ways that always work, ALWAYS. keep him close to you and pray. im not really the best with job advice, but ill offer my best. you could consider selling things on ebay/amazon (like buy stuffed animals for like 2$ and sell them for 5$ or something like that or make something and sell it) to bring in some more money. go around places with a lot of recyclables (schools, parks, apartment centers, tennis courts) and see what you can find, look around and get bags and find places (you can look up where the closest ones are to you Earth911.com - Find Where and How to Recycle go and search in the box for your state), you could see if a grocery store would pay you to be a grocery bagger, go to local christian church and they will give you food vouchers that you can go to restaurants for free, ask restaurants for water (almost always they will give you free water, and ask for food scraps too), offer to sweep or clean a small coffee shop or cafe for a small meal a day, you could depending on where you live shovel driveways, or mow lawns. thats all i can think of at the moment but if i get any more ideas ill post them. just remember you will get through this, God will be their for you and i will pray for you. good luck, and God bless p.s. if you ever need to talk, im hereImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
i hate to sound rude but gummybear22 is right. when life hands you lemons you make lemonade, when life hands you a hard time, you will get out of it. hey man your a great person, you have to give yourself more credit. ive been in a bad mood at times and then ill go on here and make a post and youll post something on mine and cheer me up
Thanks for the advice and kind and supportive words. I grew up in a very religious environment but I'm not religious myself anymore. Faith does help a lot of people but I'm not one of them. That being said, I do sometimes pray. It doesn't really help but I've grown up doing it my whole life, so it's natural.
Hope you're having a good week OCDd, I am going to try to hang in there.
OCDd
Well-known member
Oh thats non sense, God loves us all and you are one of them too. trust me i wouldn't put my trust in a spirit that excludes certain people, you are loved but him just like everyone. God is with you now and always will be and just keep in mind, you never know what will happen and thats good you will hang in their, thats the spirit
and thats good you will hang in their, thats the spirit