Ok .. going to be a long post.....

[ConstantWorry]

Hi im pretty new here . Well i joined a while back now but havent posted much .if you have the time to read this then thanks in advance .

Anyway , im basically in a right mess at the moment .ill tell you a little bit about me im 28 years old and got diagnosed with social phobia and depression at the age of 17 . Growing up my childhood was OK until my parents started arguing and then divorced . I was always shy in school but i knew it wasnt just shyness . I went to college after high school for a year but stopped attending because of anxiety and panic attacks .

Since then ive not done anything with my life . I live alone and dont see my mum . My sister is an ex heroin addict who i dont see or know where she is . The only person i was close to was my dad who died in 2013 august 4th . Its made my situation even worse and cant cope with this much more ..

1 month ago i ended up in hospital with alcohol withdrawl symptoms . Shaking etc . I was put on librium . Now ive finished the 3 week course my mind is mashed up . The librium i was taking took all my anxiety away . I was a different person going out walking to parks feeling really outgoing . Now ive finished the course my anxiety has resurfaced with avengance . Im more paranoid and anxious and panicy now when i go out anywhere and i basically feel like i did when i was 17 years old . Im still on anti depressants always have been on and off aince 17.

Im scared and tired of everything . I dont want sympathy i just need a bit of advice . Thanks

C.W

Dont what to do

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Print out what you wrote here, or write it down and talk to a physician. Tell him what you've told us, basically how much better you felt on the Librium and the terrible time you've had since you came off it. If you've found something that works you really should try to hold onto it.

 

[ConstantWorry]

Print out what you wrote here, or write it down and talk to a physician. Tell him what you've told us, basically how much better you felt on the Librium and the terrible time you've had since you came off it. If you've found something that works you really should try to hold onto it.

Firstly Thanks F&F for taking time to reply ....

I do think i need a physician but i wouldn't know how to go about finding one .

I only see my GP at the doctors at the moment and he was the one who decided to take me off the librium because it can be addicting . Which i did find to be true so that's out of the question.

It's like i know what i want to do and need to do to move forward .

I need and want to work and pass my driving test and be doing something constructive rather than being stuck in all day making things worse by over thinking and worrying .

Doing this i know will allow me to develop social skills and gain confidence the more i move forward in life .It's just the first hurdle of getting started , its like if i didn't feel panicky and anxious then everything would fall into place .

The anxiety is what's stopping me from me progressing . I know this is the case and i know what is needed to be done to overcome the problem....

But i cant overcome it because nothing works to make me feel in a good enough position to be relaxed enough to do things and believe in myself . Ive been on so many different medications and done C.B.T and counselling and that has helped me understand my issues and help me cope with breathing techniques etc ...

But still doesn't solve the underlying doubt of self worth .. confidence and paranoia etc How is this ever going to change or at-least get a little easier to handle when i have been this way all my life and know no different .

I try and try some more but ultimately i get knocked back down every-time i seem to be getting somewhere .....Im sorry to go on so much but i don't have many people who i can talk to like this .

Their attitude is mostly oh get over it . grow up you need to sort your self out etc.. If i could " get over it" i would have done 10+ years ago , its not like i enjoy existing in this manner , Anyway..

Thanks again

 

[Opaline]

It's discouraging to hear CBT has only done so much for you and then you regressed. CBT is the thing I'm counting on to get better, but people's experiences here make me wonder...

Are you saying then that you know what you have to do to make your anxiety better, but your anxiety is what's stopping you from doing it? I'm not sure how you'd work around that problem besides breaking it down into very small manageable steps. Or do you just mean you lack confidence to try? Then go for it anyway and start small, one small change at a time - first a job, then driving, etc. Doing everything at once = overwhelming = anxiety = give up, conclude you're doomed.

I truly understand how you feel and I have the same difficulties. It's all much easier said than done, but with this sort of thing the only way out is through - which isn't helpful to say, but I've realized there's just no getting around the required discomfort of facing these issues. I hope I don't sound dismissive because I know how frustrating it is (we all do here), but there are really only so many options and so much advice one can give :/

 

[Megaten]

Yeah doctors are hesitant to prescribe benzos since people will take them to get high quite often. Which is unfortunate because they can get those with severe anxiety through some tough situations. I was given a little clonazepam to take during emergencies and tbh without it I wouldnt have gotten through some of college's forced social interactions. Im not sure what to suggest though, anxiety is such a personal experience that its hard to tell people what they should do to overcome their fears.

 

[Sacrament]

The busier you are, the less those intrusive thoughts come around. Having too much free time is pretty much the same as giving your mind a free pass to do whatever it pleases, and it's usually not gonna be productive or helpful. Hobbies, volunteer work, meeting new people, getting your driver's license, working, traveling, all these things will give your life momentum, and at the same time they'll keep the mind from blabbering on about things that will not help.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

The busier you are, the less those intrusive thoughts come around. Having too much free time is pretty much the same as giving your mind a free pass to do whatever it pleases, and it's usually not gonna be productive or helpful. Hobbies, volunteer work, meeting new people, getting your driver's license, working, traveling, all these things will give your life momentum, and at the same time they'll keep the mind from blabbering on about things that will not help.

Great point! You're mind will still blabber but it will have less time and energy to do so.

 

[ConstantWorry]

It's discouraging to hear CBT has only done so much for you and then you regressed. CBT is the thing I'm counting on to get better, but people's experiences here make me wonder...

Are you saying then that you know what you have to do to make your anxiety better, but your anxiety is what's stopping you from doing it? I'm not sure how you'd work around that problem besides breaking it down into very small manageable steps. Or do you just mean you lack confidence to try? Then go for it anyway and start small, one small change at a time - first a job, then driving, etc. Doing everything at once = overwhelming = anxiety = give up, conclude you're doomed.

I truly understand how you feel and I have the same difficulties. It's all much easier said than done, but with this sort of thing the only way out is through - which isn't helpful to say, but I've realized there's just no getting around the required discomfort of facing these issues. I hope I don't sound dismissive because I know how frustrating it is (we all do here), but there are really only so many options and so much advice one can give :/

Yes thats what im saying . I think im trying to acheive too much at once and expecting everything to get better over night . I just feel like ive lost any energy to carry on trying but i dont have a choice so ill just have to see how things go in the next few week .. months .

Thanks for the reply

 

[ConstantWorry]

Yeah doctors are hesitant to prescribe benzos since people will take them to get high quite often. Which is unfortunate because they can get those with severe anxiety through some tough situations. I was given a little clonazepam to take during emergencies and tbh without it I wouldnt have gotten through some of college's forced social interactions. Im not sure what to suggest though, anxiety is such a personal experience that its hard to tell people what they should do to overcome their fears.

Thanks for your input.

yeh I wish i could just feek like i did on benzos 24/7 without taking anything . If i could feel that way all the time i could live a proper life . But i guess thats why we are here on this forum in the first place .

 

[ConstantWorry]

The busier you are, the less those intrusive thoughts come around. Having too much free time is pretty much the same as giving your mind a free pass to do whatever it pleases, and it's usually not gonna be productive or helpful. Hobbies, volunteer work, meeting new people, getting your driver's license, working, traveling, all these things will give your life momentum, and at the same time they'll keep the mind from blabbering on about things that will not help.

Thanks. I get and understand that but i cant be busy doing things at the moment the way i feel in my head ... eg. Walking my dog going out etc when i cant get over the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety. Im trapped inside and when i do have to go out i either have to have enough tablets to knock me out so im drowzy and less likely to have panic attack or get it over and done with as quick as possible.

Even when i force myself to stay out longer . Walking further . Purposely asking strangers questions etc . ... even after forcing myself and pushing myself in the hope that exposure will do me good i still end up coming home feeling worthless and stressed out about how hard it is to do normal things...

It dosnt help with my hands visibly shaking then i get paranoid thinking people are noticing for instance buying milk or shopping etc .. i keep going and asking my doctor why my hand is shaking and he says its just anxiety .

Ive tried other doctors and get the same answer . Had a ct scan . Ecg etc and i feel like i cant press on my symptoms with the docs cos they prob getting fed up with me. Its just i cant help but feel there really is some sort of underlying health condition that hasnt been diagnosed .

It may be health anxiety sure but that dosent explain why only my right hand shakes and left side of my face blushes really hot . I get warm even when i go out somewhere and its cold weather and not to mention tinitus etc ..

Sorry to go on . Im not directing all that at you im just speaking out loud in general . Thanks for reading people. :thinking:

 

[Sacrament]

When you have those thoughts, do you ever get past the overwhelming feeling to ask yourself if there's any legitimate reason for you to have such high levels of anxiety? When we have a lot of anxiety, we tend to forget the basics, and assume there's an immense amount of danger surrounding us (judging, etc), which makes us forget to step back into reality and really ask yourself if there's any logical reason why you're feeling that way. Let's say you're terrified of the thought that people are thinking you're a freak or something. 1) Even if they were, does it matter? They don't even know you, and the fact that they're making those judgments means they're not good people at all; 2) They probably aren't, because people are often so busy with their own thoughts and lives that they have no time to be judging random strangers. Besides, imagine if you walk past someone whom you think is judging you negatively, but in reality they're feeling as much anxiety as you are. You never know, people's stories are unpredictable. We think the world's out to get us but it's not. You matter as much as anyone else matters, no more, no less. It's important to step out of your own world view and see things from a different perspective.

What are you truly afraid of that makes you feel so anxious when you're walking your dog or just going to the park?

 

[fate12321]

I read your post. I'm not sure what advice to give you besides try to change for the better. Remember, you're not alone on this. There's probably countless of people out there going through the same thing as you are. Don't give up. I hope you get through this. Good luck out there!

 

[ConstantWorry]

When you have those thoughts, do you ever get past the overwhelming feeling to ask yourself if there's any legitimate reason for you to have such high levels of anxiety? When we have a lot of anxiety, we tend to forget the basics, and assume there's an immense amount of danger surrounding us (judging, etc), which makes us forget to step back into reality and really ask yourself if there's any logical reason why you're feeling that way. Let's say you're terrified of the thought that people are thinking you're a freak or something. 1) Even if they were, does it matter? They don't even know you, and the fact that they're making those judgments means they're not good people at all; 2) They probably aren't, because people are often so busy with their own thoughts and lives that they have no time to be judging random strangers. Besides, imagine if you walk past someone whom you think is judging you negatively, but in reality they're feeling as much anxiety as you are. You never know, people's stories are unpredictable. We think the world's out to get us but it's not. You matter as much as anyone else matters, no more, no less. It's important to step out of your own world view and see things from a different perspective.

What are you truly afraid of that makes you feel so anxious when you're walking your dog or just going to the park?

Its not that there is anything im afraid of ... well it is i suppose im afraid / anxious of seeing people who i know for face value . Neighbours or people that know me but we are not close friends . Its that panic that stuns me on the spot . I get overwhelmed and feel like i have to be confident and talk to them about something interesting .my mind goes blank like im a human being but have no identity and im ashamed of this .

So what i do to avoid this is go different routes or perposly go out early or when it seems quiet outside . Its past experiences of been paanicky and freaking out infront of others that scares me and keeps mebin my confort zone .

Like i said in an earlier post i fealt 100% different when on benzos . They took all that away . You speak great sence and i value you taking time to reply and thank you everyone else for your replies . Im glad i can get this out on here to get it off my chest.

Earlier on a friend (asociate ) neighbour came round to see me i had to answer the door as i fealt bad that yesterday i ignored the knocking . All he wants to do is help me and be there for me as support but i cant even be myself with people . I find myself putting a mask over my real perso ality . Im usually prety good at pulling this technique off but today i couldnt hide it . I was trembling in my voice stuttering panicking over what he thought of me . I know if he thought bad of me he wouldnt bother coming to see me . But yet i still cant accept myself for who i am .

Its like the person i have pretended to be in the past i feel like i have to constantly try to be as talkative and interesting as before whe n i fealt less anxious . If that makes sence.

Sorry for spelling im on my phone . Thanks again

Cw

 

[ConstantWorry]

I read your post. I'm not sure what advice to give you besides try to change for the better. Remember, you're not alone on this. There's probably countless of people out there going through the same thing as you are. Don't give up. I hope you get through this. Good luck out there!

Hi thanks for kind words . I think that is all i can do just keep on pushing forward and have faith that things will work out . Its strange because i work myself up over small things yet whe i have done them i beet my self up for getting so worked up about such a trivial thing . I never seem to learn and apply the fact that worrying about the future dosent change anything or make it easier . It makes it 10x worse .

Yet i cant apply this knowledge to my everyday life im always looking for a negative or building my self up for disaster . Not that i actively try to feel this way . Its sort of an automatic reaction that i cant for the life of me change .

Cheers again
cw

 

[Sacrament]

Its not that there is anything im afraid of ... well it is i suppose im afraid / anxious of seeing people who i know for face value . Neighbours or people that know me but we are not close friends . Its that panic that stuns me on the spot . I get overwhelmed and feel like i have to be confident and talk to them about something interesting .my mind goes blank like im a human being but have no identity and im ashamed of this .

So what i do to avoid this is go different routes or perposly go out early or when it seems quiet outside . Its past experiences of been paanicky and freaking out infront of others that scares me and keeps mebin my confort zone.

That's the thing though, you're having anxiety/panic attacks because you're assuming negative outcomes about random things. You're constantly afraid you'll bump into someone you know and have nothing to talk about. How about planning ahead and going with the flow? People love it when you ask them about themselves. If you do happen to bump into someone who knows you, gladly shake their hand and ask them how they're doing, how work's going, how's the family, etc. If you're afraid of not having anything interesting to say, then do more interesting things, and focus your time in doing those things. Find at least two hobbies you can engage in on a daily basis, find associations in your area that provide volunteer work in terms of helping the homeless or the elderly (or anything you prefer, but at least go and ask), take a trip somewhere in town where you'd like to go, and so on. Or maybe you could even have that as your topic of conversation. When someone asks you how you're doing or what you've been up to, tell them you've been trying to find people who engage in volunteer work because you're interested in joining. Also, go to the local mall or pizza place and ask them if they're hiring. You could get a job delivering pizzas at first, since you wouldn't have to do much socializing and you'd get some fresh air while doing it.

My point is this: anxiety stems from your mind exaggerating very normal, everyday things, like quick social interactions, trips to the store, etc. Basically, it floods your thoughts with "what if" hypothesis. The more you avoid things because of those what ifs, the bigger they'll become, and the more fear they'll haunt you with. The more you avoid the things you fear, the more talented your mind becomes at convincing you of all the reasons why all sorts of bad things will happen if you do this or that. You have to actively change your self-talk by saying positive things aloud or even writing them down in places you'll read throughout the day. For instance, I often write "do more" or "work harder" on my own hand to remind myself to keep busy. I also write things I want to do that day so I don't procrastinate and thus skip them.

Keep doing what you already do. Keep expanding on the activities that you already engage in, as any step is better than no step at all. At the same time, do those things while switching your self-talk into more rationally positive thoughts ("so what if I bump into someone I know? It's not the end of the world, just a minute or two of conversation that'll help me work on my conversational skills. I've got nothing to lose and I even welcome it!"), and apply that method throughout the day. Keep in mind that your mind does whatever you want it to do. The thoughts that command you are the thoughts you allow your mind to command you with. If you change that way of thinking and work hard on changing that inner speech, that is what your mind will learn to do, and it'll become the standard way of processing thoughts and events, and thus your entire life.

 

[Sacrament]

I like how I made such a long post and the guy didn't even comment.

 

[ConstantWorry]

That's the thing though, you're having anxiety/panic attacks because you're assuming negative outcomes about random things. You're constantly afraid you'll bump into someone you know and have nothing to talk about. How about planning ahead and going with the flow? People love it when you ask them about themselves. If you do happen to bump into someone who knows you, gladly shake their hand and ask them how they're doing, how work's going, how's the family, etc. If you're afraid of not having anything interesting to say, then do more interesting things, and focus your time in doing those things. Find at least two hobbies you can engage in on a daily basis, find associations in your area that provide volunteer work in terms of helping the homeless or the elderly (or anything you prefer, but at least go and ask), take a trip somewhere in town where you'd like to go, and so on. Or maybe you could even have that as your topic of conversation. When someone asks you how you're doing or what you've been up to, tell them you've been trying to find people who engage in volunteer work because you're interested in joining. Also, go to the local mall or pizza place and ask them if they're hiring. You could get a job delivering pizzas at first, since you wouldn't have to do much socializing and you'd get some fresh air while doing it.

My point is this: anxiety stems from your mind exaggerating very normal, everyday things, like quick social interactions, trips to the store, etc. Basically, it floods your thoughts with "what if" hypothesis. The more you avoid things because of those what ifs, the bigger they'll become, and the more fear they'll haunt you with. The more you avoid the things you fear, the more talented your mind becomes at convincing you of all the reasons why all sorts of bad things will happen if you do this or that. You have to actively change your self-talk by saying positive things aloud or even writing them down in places you'll read throughout the day. For instance, I often write "do more" or "work harder" on my own hand to remind myself to keep busy. I also write things I want to do that day so I don't procrastinate and thus skip them.

Keep doing what you already do. Keep expanding on the activities that you already engage in, as any step is better than no step at all. At the same time, do those things while switching your self-talk into more rationally positive thoughts ("so what if I bump into someone I know? It's not the end of the world, just a minute or two of conversation that'll help me work on my conversational skills. I've got nothing to lose and I even welcome it!"), and apply that method throughout the day. Keep in mind that your mind does whatever you want it to do. The thoughts that command you are the thoughts you allow your mind to command you with. If you change that way of thinking and work hard on changing that inner speech, that is what your mind will learn to do, and it'll become the standard way of processing thoughts and events, and thus your entire life.

Thanks for the reply and apologies for not replying sooner.

I get what you are saying and i know your right in how its all in the mind . I have tried to think more positive but it never goes that way for me .

At the stage im at i get physical symptoms as soon as i go out the door , i wish it was easy to just "change the mindset" because as you are saying everything else would follow but i just find it impossible . I've spent so long living like this i don't know who i am anymore. I don't think i have ever known who i am .

Im sick of my heart racing im really fed up with it , even propranalol isnt working for me anymore .Im constantly monitoring my self thinking my hearts going to stop and feel faint 24/7. I hope it is just "in my head" and not something more serious but it dosnt feel like it

Thanks for the reply again . CW

 

[R3K]

self worth .. confidence

^these two things are all you should be focusing on.

some people are too smart for CBT and therapists. best angle of attack for you right now is pretending you don't give an F about having social phobia.