Office flirt disaster

[theoutsidergirl]

I've been at my new job for 2 months now. I seem to get along with everyone(miracle), but since the christmas party things are going off. Because I have SA I'm always a bit shy and insecure and try to sweet talk everyone(manily guys).

At the party I danced with one of my co-workers(a bit too close I guess :shyness and now they are all giving me *hints* that make me believe I'm a slut to them. Like, f.ex. we were talking about a friend's illness and that it's contageous. And then one guy asky me whether I have any contageous diseases...like wtf?! And then he goes on asking me where the co-worker is, with whom I danced(he was ill for a while...) of course he knew.
Then the other co-workers start talking mand making jokes about sluts and women....in a degrading sort of way(all at work). I really dislike that...

Because of my SA I try really hard to be nice to everyone and to fit in - now I think they kinda misunderstood my intentions....mg:

What should I do?
I'm trying now to fokus more on my work and wear clothes that are more baggy to hide my curves.

 

[dottie]

my only advice is to lay low, keep to yourself, and not to befriend males. it is just the rule in the workplace... sorry you are dealing with this. i hate people.

 

[Livemylife]

I can totally imagine this happening. This is why I'm terse with males, and try not to be too smiley or friendly with them. You know you're not nasty just for dancing with a guy. Those other guys are probably jealous...People get jealous over the silliest things. I would just ignore them. Not sure how good of a plan that is though.

 

[R3K]

ya they're all jealous. talking about it all airily like that, trying to cultivate a social atmosphere where sexual topics are suddenly acceptable because they perceived some kind of indirect invite via your dancing with one dude. just give these bonerheads a wad of ones and tell them to go to the strip club. :thumbdown:

 

[R3K]

*correction... give them a 20bill, tell them to change it into ones, then go to the strip club.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

my only advice is to lay low, keep to yourself, and not to befriend males. it is just the rule in the workplace... sorry you are dealing with this. i hate people.

According to the latest research, the women at her workplace will be the ones to work watch out for now. Indirect aggression, social exclusion, saying mean things and excusing them by 'just kidding'. A perceived sexual threat is dealt with, and suppression of female sexuality is most often done by other females, apparently.

The Evolution of Bitchiness - Olga Khazan - The Atlantic

 

[coyote]

another way to read the situation is that the guys are just teasing you and don't really have as big a problem with your behavior as you do yourself

they know you're shy, and you acted out of character - they might be interested in getting to know you better now, after having seen another side to you that they hadn't seen before

they are attempting to welcome you into their "circle", and they're doing it in typical tasteless guy fashion, with jokes and put-downs

but, as NathanielWingatePeaslee pointed out, the more the men in the office include you in their fun, the worse time you'll probably have with the other women

 

[dottie]

According to the latest research, the women at her workplace will be the ones to work watch out for now. Indirect aggression, social exclusion, saying mean things and excusing them by 'just kidding'. A perceived sexual threat is dealt with, and suppression of female sexuality is most often done by other females, apparently.

The Evolution of Bitchiness - Olga Khazan - The Atlantic

oh yeah, and women do it long term. the males probably got it out of their system already.

 

[mmconway]

I completely disagree with some of these replies “lay low”, “ignore them”. Hell no! If someone makes a suggestive comment…well call them out on it right there and then, ask what they meant by that comment. Id venture to guess you render them speechless.

 

[kilojoule]

another way to read the situation is that the guys are just teasing you and don't really have as big a problem with your behavior as you do yourself

they know you're shy, and you acted out of character - they might be interested in getting to know you better now, after having seen another side to you that they hadn't seen before

they are attempting to welcome you into their "circle", and they're doing it in typical tasteless guy fashion, with jokes and put-downs

This is exactly what I read from the situation. I know my guy friends would befriend someone by teasing them. The more in poor taste something is, the more theyre trying to befriend you. Its good natured but weird. I find the best way to deal with this is to dish it back at them. If they insinuate someone you danced with has an STD now, you say yea I saw them leave with you that night. Its just banter. Thats just the way lads are. Its harmless. Its when they say it behind your back you need to worry, when they say it to your face it means they really like you. (in the friendly sense)

 

[jc972]

This is exactly what I read from the situation. I know my guy friends would befriend someone by teasing them. The more in poor taste something is, the more theyre trying to befriend you. Its good natured but weird. I find the best way to deal with this is to dish it back at them. If they insinuate someone you danced with has an STD now, you say yea I saw them leave with you that night. Its just banter. Thats just the way lads are. Its harmless. Its when they say it behind your back you need to worry, when they say it to your face it means they really like you. (in the friendly sense)

FINALLY!! A woman who understands! Just when I thought only us men understood ourselves. Cool.

 

[Hellhound]

This is exactly what I read from the situation. I know my guy friends would befriend someone by teasing them. The more in poor taste something is, the more theyre trying to befriend you. Its good natured but weird. I find the best way to deal with this is to dish it back at them. If they insinuate someone you danced with has an STD now, you say yea I saw them leave with you that night. Its just banter. Thats just the way lads are. Its harmless. Its when they say it behind your back you need to worry, when they say it to your face it means they really like you. (in the friendly sense)

Guys are funny. This is why I befriend them.

 

[dottie]

I completely disagree with some of these replies “lay low”, “ignore them”. Hell no! If someone makes a suggestive comment…well call them out on it right there and then, ask what they meant by that comment. Id venture to guess you render them speechless.

do you realize what website you're on?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

They're jealous! I will give you a man's definition of a slut that he would never
admit! To a man, a woman is a slut if: She's interested in another man and not him! A woman is a wh*re to a man if: She's interested or( sleeping with) every other guy but him!
Men can be very insecure Je*rks! Don't let them influence your opinion of yourself. If they can do that, they can control you. Both men and women, like to use SHAME to influence the conduct of the opposite and same sex. (done in different ways depending on the gender of the intended target).