Och aye the noo

[theslowesthand]

I wouldn't mind a bit o that (music, of course)

 

[Graeme1988]

I wouldn't mind a bit o that (music, of course)

:bigsmile: Needless to say, ma mum wus more than a bit shocked by that album cover, when I brought the album home fae the nearest record store I frequently visit whenever I had money to spend, and show her it. A lotta tutting and disapproving. Ah wus'nae allowed to leave it lying about - not face up anyway. The youngest of ma 2 older sister wus disgusted by it.

"Ugh! That pornography, that it is"

Ah goes: "Eh? No, it's no! Ye cannae even see her boob for the writing"​

I know, that's how glakit n' naive I was at 15. Ah considered a Playboy centrefold model, with her tits oot n' legs spread eagle, to be porn. Never even realised the implications of that album cover at the time, either. h: But then, naebuddy telt me anything. Ah wus just expected to psychic, like most feminists.

 

[theslowesthand]

Listened to the whole reading concert, and found it to be quite good! (killed-off 1/2hr nicely). Tho wasnae what expected. I'm guessing it's an acquired taste?

 

[Graeme1988]

Listened to the whole reading concert, and found it to be quite good! (killed-off 1/2hr nicely). Tho wasnae what expected. I'm guessing it's an acquired taste?

Oh aye, very much so.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah wish I was better at making decisions. Another person messaged me via YouTube about doing a music collaboration via this Bandhub website:

But I don't know... :idontknow: On the hand, it'd could be an interesting, even great, experience.
You can start a session and record whenever it suits you, as far as time goes. So, I guess, that's that side o' the collaboration issue sorted - when it comes to the time difference of working with another musician from different country. But the whole recording via webcam is off putting for me. Not just in terms of me being really shy, but I wouldn't want to record with such a poor quality camera, like the one built into my laptop. Unless... could I record the audio and video separately, then them sync-up in post? :question:

 

[theslowesthand]

Ah wish I was better at making decisions. Another person messaged me via YouTube about doing a music collaboration via this Bandhub website:

Perhaps perfectionism is the problem? Does it have to be perfect?

 

[Graeme1988]

Perhaps perfectionism is the problem? Does it have to be perfect?

:thinking: Ye might be right enough, there. Though, it's probably self-doubt anaw. And ma lack o' confidence. Coupled with the fact I've never actually collaborated with anyone. Outside those music lessons in secondary school where me and a couple other lads would disregard our practice lessons and just jam Metallica, Black Sabbath and Guns N' Roses. Then I'd go off-script and start improvising my own riffs.

I guess the video quality doesnae need to be great, since I'll no be recording the audio directly from the camera. Probably better to focus on getting a decent sound from my guitar/laptop setup.

Got ma new computer chair ordered today. So, at least, it'll more comfy to play ma guitar. Instead of trying play guitar in a one-seat recliner. Just need a 9 volt block power supply for my effects processor and electric keyboard (as well as any other effects pedals I'll be using), and I'm good to go.

 

[Graeme1988]

Wish ma family would stop trying to "inspire" me musically. It's kinda irritating. Mainly because they huv'nae thought much about the idea, and seem to think that it's easy to make anything sound great. And the constant f**kin' Calvin Harris comparisons, just cuz, like him, I come from Dumfries and Galloway. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

One of my oldest sister's co-workers at work has been asking how I've been keeping, lately. Since my sister had told her I was getting that operation done, shortly before I actually went in for it last year. They'll be catching up n' chatting this week. I wonder if how much my sister remembers about my surgery? :question:

She briefly brought it up the other day. Which made me realise ah never asked how things were while I was in hospital for her and our mum.

 

[theslowesthand]

Wish ma family would stop trying to "inspire" me musically. It's kinda irritating. Mainly because they huv'nae thought much about the idea, and seem to think that it's easy to make anything sound great

They inspire ye in any ways, by aggravating ye day in day out; & angst/aggravation/ire/anger/etc are GREAT for writing music (esp aggressive-sounding music) :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

They inspire ye in any ways, by aggravating ye day in day out; & angst/aggravation/ire/anger/etc are GREAT for writing music (esp aggressive-sounding music) :bigsmile:

Aye, that's true. But ah don't know if writing that style of music would be therapeutic for me or not. Just, y'know, ah've got a shit loada family grievances and issues which huv'nae got properly resolved. So, writing about 'em... I'd need to quite subtle n' cryptic aboot it, like.

I guess ah just do it for myself n' not let anyone hear it. :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Urrgh! For fuc...!! I'm on the verge of a bloody breakdown here. Cannae live like this. She's always got to my right, my mum. Typical wummin! Contradicting every decision I make which seems pretty sensible but, to her, is stupid. But, it gets better, anytime I ask her to do something for me, excuses are made. The self-doubt that she's effin' incapable, and shouldnae attempt the task I've asked her to help me with by masel' in case I hurt myself.

"Oh, ah dinnae think ah cun dae it? Ask yer sister when she comes in the morn, when she got a break fae her work" h: :veryangry:​

 

[Graeme1988]

The irony being that my mum's always bang on about doing anything for me, funny how this gets contradicted whenever it's me asking her to do summit. My older sister - whom ah nicknamed Queen Victoria - my mum's always answering her beck and call. Never off her feet. And treats her like f**kin' Royality whenever she visits, hence the nickname.

Me? Ah commonly find her laid out on the living couch, either sleeping or watching the telly. And ah get the usual three word response. Followed by this: :idontknow: Then, when I dare to challenge her on the "Ah don't know..." responses she normal gives me. and point out she's my f**kin' parent, ah just a loada verbal abuse. And accuses me of being a bully. Every-f**kin'-time like! :kickingmyself:

Cuz men are oppressive, sexist b@$%@*!s, according to my mum's logic.

 

[theslowesthand]

What if you were to offer sth in return, say a small sum of "pocket money"? Would that motivate her? I mean if it works for children, then... :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

What if you were to offer sth in return, say a small sum of "pocket money"? Would that motivate her? I mean if it works for children, then... :question:

Ah doubt money would motivate my mum to do anything - unless yer talking a Lottery winning amount. She's constantly negative, yet she'll lie when I point this out and claim the contrary. And says she's only joking. :thinking:

For someone who says she's joking, my mum doesnae half say some harsh, negative, unfunny things to me most o' the time. Mibbe I'm losing my sense o' humour? :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Wish my insomnia would get itsel' tae f**k! :kickingmyself:
This is the 2nd night I've been unable to drift off to sleep.
Huv'nae felt this way since last year. h:

 

[theslowesthand]

Ah doubt money would motivate my mum to do anything - unless yer talking a Lottery winning amount. She's constantly negative, yet she'll lie when I point this out and claim the contrary. And says she's only joking. :thinking:

For someone who says she's joking, my mum doesnae half say some harsh, negative, unfunny things to me most o' the time. Mibbe I'm losing my sense o' humour? :idontknow:

So she's a liar, on top of everything else.
That essentially means, or could mean, that much of what she says is complete utter bullsh*te, and to be taken with a grain of salt (ie viewed with skepticism, and not taken literally)

 

[PugofCrydee]

I have to tip my hat to your patience Graeme. I definitely could not put up with the BS you do.

 

[Graeme1988]

I have to tip my hat to your patience Graeme. I definitely could not put up with the BS you do.

Patience? Naw, more like internalised frustration to be more accurate.

Don't feel sorry for me, man! Seriously, don't. It's just what I've had to put up with over the years. Being blamed for stuff that wasn't my fault. But for the sake of argument lets just pretend it is. Why? Because men are b@$%@*ds! Well, that wus the line I frequently overheard my mum repeat everytime one of my sister wus huvin relationship troubles.

And, y'know, growing up in dysfunctional family and predominately feminist household, where it wus seen as acceptable to blame me for shit that wus'nae fault but ah hud to take the blame. Least a woman be forced to apology for something that wus actually her fault. Par for the course when yer relatives consist of alcoholics, druggies and pathological lying bullies. And generally dumb c*nts.


Though, I'm hardly any saint masel', whenever my family would start an argument with me, which would end with yelling at me and storming off in a huff. I'd go:

"And the award for Best Dramatic Performance goes to..."​

Ah mean, keep in mind, I'm someone who at one time or another has either been pushed, slapped, stabbed or yelling at for stand-up for myself. Ye see, whenever I refused to do as I've been asked because I don't feel up to doing it, I'm a c*nt! But if my sisters or my mum refused to something I've asked them to do - nicely I might add. Then, oh, they forgot...

Plus, every since I was forced into allowing my dad to be a part of my life from 2003 til 2008/2009 - forget the fact he was a physicallly abusive shitebag towards my mum - my mum has treated me just like him. And projected ma dad's negative traits onto me. Purely because I look just like him. And she goad me to hit her - are domestic abuse victims normally that devoid of irony or the concept of actions having consequences? :thinking: My oldest sister is still convinced - despite not knowing our fathers, our mum raised alright on her own, didn't she? Yet, my sister hasn't had to live with my mum beyond her 20s. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Feeling a bit more depressed than usual, these past few days. :sad:

It's just everytime my oldest sister brings up the topic of how our mum is get older; not as you as she used to be. Ah cannae help feeling not only worried about how I'll cope without her. But it also feels like ma sister is very subtly telling me that it's my responsibility to care for our mum - since I'm only sibling still living with her. It's not that I don't want to take that responsibility, it's just hard enough taking care of myself. And I feel too much responsibility on my shoulder as is.

And it's quite frustrating when my mum will refuse my offers to kindly help her. And she's rather aggressive about it as well. Despite me not taking that same forceful approach she does with me, when it's just assumed I require help, instead of asking me first.