omG I feel exactly the same.. and I can;t learn now.. cuz I'm always so busy with school.. and almost all my friends are great cooks...
No life experience/skills
- Thread starter recluse
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omG I feel exactly the same.. and I can;t learn now.. cuz I'm always so busy with school.. and almost all my friends are great cooks...
Oh, yes definitely. I'm also almost 28. From when I can remember my mom was doing everything instaed of me..even now there are situations..for example..one day I was going to put out some food from the oven and she said: dear please don't do it you willl get burn! And she won't?!! She is doing that for all my life..I feel like an idiot..specially when she is doing it in front of other members of family or friends. She never teach me or encourage me to do some things like cooking and stuff and I think that there she made a big mistake. Now things are getting a little better.. I'm arguing with her when she tells me not to do something..I do it anyway. And most importan I do it good. So I hope that she would finally realize that I'm capable doing things without someone's help.
znam...nemoj ti, ti ces pokvariti, ti ces drugi put
da je bogdo samo za kuhanje.. :/ mods translate thisYeah.. some of my friends were cooking and doing every housework while I was still playing with dolls and cars lol..
I think that today there are very grateful to their parents for 'torturing' them then. They are all healthy people now with everydaylife experience.
I think that parent's role in that is very important..because when I compare my friends and I, who have practically the same parents we are all f...ed up in a same way. We all have a lack of self confidence..
znam...nemoj ti, ti ces pokvariti, ti ces drugi put
hahahha, omg..kako si me šokirala!! Gledam tko to sad piše na hrvatskom!
E točno to, ti ćeš drugi put!
Sorry ppl..here is the dictionary lol : EUdict | European dictionary
hahahha, omg..kako si me šokirala!! Gledam tko to sad piše na hrvatskom!
E točno to, ti ćeš drugi put!
Sorry ppl..here is the dictionary lol : EUdict | European dictionary
hahahahaa.. yeah I apologize
Yeah I feel so inexperienced. I cant really blame my parents, because I think they did there best to teach me in this way, I probably just tried to avoid it. So I think its probably just me haha. But amongst anyone older especially someone asking me questions to do with things I should know, like for eg. a workman that came round today to put the gas back on, I feel like a complete kid haha.
Perhaps I misunderstood the actual topic of this thread but looking for others to blame for your current misery is never going to help. In fact, that knowledge is immaterial to your issues. Even if you found out who or what was responsible for your failing life, it wouldn't make you suddenly succeed. The activities you listed, like using the washing machine, how to cook, etc. are so impressively trivial that you don't even need to formally learn them, so I can fully understand parents who tell their children to "just do it" without prior introduction.
What else should they have taught you? You could arbitrarily extend that list of yours to virtually every aspect of life out there that you can experience. "So, this, my son, is a girl. And this is how to seduce her." - "And this here is a vagina. What you now have to do is...".
People are expected to get life experience by themselves and you do that by "just living". Get out and get to know people - experience life with all its ups and downs. Every single passage of life, whether good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, elating or precipitating is worthy of being experienced. It's not about being perfect and doing everything "right". It's about doing what has to be done and ofttimes what you want to do and then in hindsight, learning from the outcomes. In essence, you learn how to live properly and happily by failing and learning from your failures. Without failures there is no advancement, and you will never get anywhere.
No idea how to use the washing machine? Well, just fill it up and press all possible buttons. It certainly won't explode. After two or three failed attempts you will get the hang of it. Four washing sessions later you have most likely mastered that device. No idea how to cook? Well, grab a book and do it. It sucked the first time? The second time? The third time it's certainly a lot better. Invite over a couple of people, let them try. They liked it? Wonderful. They didn't? Ask them what to do differently. They will share their insights. A couple of attempts later they will voluntarily visit you and want you to cook for them.
No idea how to seduce girls? Well, talk to them. Try it. The worst thing that can happen is a momentarily humiliation. Then you laugh it off and proceed to the next female, knowing that your prior approaches had certain flaws. You correct them this time. Repeating this process will lead to a steady improvement. After perhaps thirty or forty well-thought out attempts (can be easily done in one or two nights out) you will most likely have a girlfriend or at least the ability to seduce practically every female. (Of course, you have to internalize your new insights first. That may take some time - not much, though.)
Success in life is based on repeated trial and error. Failures are natural. Not natural is to let yourself get discouraged. Be a human, be robust.
That ability to persevere is what has brought us so far.
Confidence in yourself isn't based on your present skills alone. Confidence is about knowing that -you- can master it. It's not about not questioning your own abilities, it's about dealing with doubt the right way, about seeing reality as it is, about knowing your present boundaries and how to overcome them, when needed. Confidence is a lot more than you think it is. It's definitely not "having a broad set of skills". More like, "trust in your innate ability to acquire any skill whenever necessary", or "trust in your being a complete human".
What parents may often fail at is to exemplify perseverance (and a proper approach to certain matters) to their children through their own life.
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shore_of_glass
Well-known member
I agree that the trivial stuff is easy to be done, just try-fail, try-fail until you learn. But there are two aspects to take on consideration:
1st- What parents failed at may have been indeed exemplifying perseverance. Because, as klytus puts it, cook and use the washing machine are trivial stuff that can be learnt quickly.
But
2nd- (Speaking for myself) there's this thing that prevents me from taking action and learning. Embaressment maybe? Fear of failing? Whatever it is, its quite strong.
I started taking some cooking "lessons" form my mom and I began doing some stuff on my own, but we can't apply such learning techniques to seducing women, or other stuff with wich we can get REALLY anxious about.
Remember that this is a social phobics forum
1st- What parents failed at may have been indeed exemplifying perseverance. Because, as klytus puts it, cook and use the washing machine are trivial stuff that can be learnt quickly.
But
2nd- (Speaking for myself) there's this thing that prevents me from taking action and learning. Embaressment maybe? Fear of failing? Whatever it is, its quite strong.
I started taking some cooking "lessons" form my mom and I began doing some stuff on my own, but we can't apply such learning techniques to seducing women, or other stuff with wich we can get REALLY anxious about.
Remember that this is a social phobics forum
recluse
Well-known member
Yeah my parents did everything for me. I didn't go to a shop and buy something untill i was 16!
ForeverBlue2
Active member
Yeah I remember being 17 and I needed to get a stamp from the post office. I had never bought one before. My mum and done it all. I had to do it coz she was off with her new boyfriend for the weekend. I was a bit annoyed then eventually was glad when she was gone and more and more I started doing things for myself.
SpLynx
Well-known member
I know what you mean. When I moved out from my parents and had to live by myself I was on much stress and panic as I didnt know anything... not knowing how to use a washing machine, how to cook, how to clean my home, how to do anything... Parents really must teach these simple things because it is a real shock to suddenly have to figure everything out by yourself.
LadyWench
Well-known member
Do you feel that your parents did not bother to teach you how to do everyday stuff like how to cook?
I feel that a child needs to be taught how to live by their parents and i feel that i have no experience and i don't have the simple skills like cooking.
I feel like a little kid in regards to life experience and i am 28. I often blame my parents for my non existant confidence.:
Yes. I can relate to this a lot. I grew up with a single mother, and she never bothered to teach me basic life skills, such as cooking. Anything I now know how to cook, is because friends have taught me. It's quite sad, actually. My mom also lacks any kind of self-worth or confidence, so I imagine hers rubbed off on me in some form. Not that it's all her fault or anything - I have issues of my own. I just often wonder if HER issues could have caused some of mine.
God_help_Us
Active member
Yeah, I get resentful when I think of how my mother smothered me. I even told her so one time and she got hella pissed- it's like she thinks that babying me was the smart thing to do. I just don't get that. Oh well. Anway, the important thing is to force yourself to learn. If your parents aren't bright enough to see how important it is, you'll have to do it yourself.
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ShyCanuck
Active member
I think I was lucky because I had very liberal parents. We were dirt poor for most of my life, neither of my parents (they had an amicable divorce when I was 6) had any real money until my mid-teens when they remarried and started to get promoted in their careers. I don't think they really went out of their way to teach me how to cook and stuff, but I remember I could cook myself ramen noodles or macaroni on the stove since the age of 8 or 9 (if I remember correctly, a parent was always nearby in the living room or something). I remember my step-mother teaching me how to do laundry when I was about 11 or 12.
As a result, when I moved out 7 months ago (I'm 19) I didn't have any issue with laundry or cooking. Sometimes I bake stuff for myself. I'm also very good with my finances because of growing up in poverty (we used to live in some ****ty house in the middle of the woods, sometimes the washer would break and instead of paying to repair it my parents would wash our clothes in a nearby stream sometimes for months).
As a result, when I moved out 7 months ago (I'm 19) I didn't have any issue with laundry or cooking. Sometimes I bake stuff for myself. I'm also very good with my finances because of growing up in poverty (we used to live in some ****ty house in the middle of the woods, sometimes the washer would break and instead of paying to repair it my parents would wash our clothes in a nearby stream sometimes for months).
Scrabbl
1
I started taking some cooking "lessons" form my mom and I began doing some stuff on my own, but we can't apply such learning techniques to seducing women, or other stuff with wich we can get REALLY anxious about.
Remember that this is a social phobics forum
Yup klytus you're correct about everything but learning social skills - that's something that trial-and-error can't be applied to when we have SA. I'm sure some of us here has above average social skills (say, if they acquired SA recently) but their SA still causes them to fail in social situations.
recluse
Well-known member
My mother also has very low self esteem/confidence. It's not a good example to have a parent who cried for no apparent reason, threatened to commit suicide, start arguments because they are insecure and think the other half is cheating on them........This is what me and my sister endured and i have no doubt that it has rubbed off on me.