NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Changes

[ClovizKarts]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

i am 32 years old.

i tryied a few jobs, i try studying and i'm still trying.

but i also live in a house that my parents bought to me and they pay for my things as well.

i stayed at home not wanting to leave for many years as well.

i live by my self since my 20 years old.

working, not doing it, ether for being laze (many can say) or for not beying able to due to S/A (others can say) not beying able to have a job is the thing that most hunts me in this life and i think is the key to feeling better, getting more self confidence....

i hope you can get the help that you are seeking for. lite others sayd its one step at a time, its how i did and i do.

 

[LastCaress]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I suggest earning a degree or learning a skill so you can be independent and buy the things you want in life. You need to dream and want things more. You have to believe in yourself. But the first thing to do is discover what it is you like. There are tests out there than can help you find that. Also learn to not blame others for your problems and hate people just because they don't think like you nor acknowledge you. This will really help YOU.

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

i am 32 years old.

i tryied a few jobs, i try studying and i'm still trying.

but i also live in a house that my parents bought to me and they pay for my things as well.

i stayed at home not wanting to leave for many years as well.

i live by my self since my 20 years old.

working, not doing it, ether for being laze (many can say) or for not beying able to due to S/A (others can say) not beying able to have a job is the thing that most hunts me in this life and i think is the key to feeling better, getting more self confidence....

i hope you can get the help that you are seeking for. lite others sayd its one step at a time, its how i did and i do.

thank you cloviz for your kind words.

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

Off top of my head - CBT, RET, RSA. So there's certainly no shortage of possibilities out there. The problem will be to somehow get motivated enough to select one or more of them, and start seriously working on stuff.

Again, this is only my theory, that you need to focus mainly on your thoughts, thought patterns, & beliefs ... and that the rest will flow on from there.

Good luck with changing your life! :thumbup:

thank you very much slowesthand for the advice. i know what CBT is but what exactly is RET and RSA? also what are some of the "complicating factors" that you have different from me?

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

Also learn to not blame others for your problems

that is hard for me to do because in a way i know i wouldn't be in the horrible situation that i'm in if i wasn't bullied and abused when i was younger. so it's hard to reconcile that and it makes me feel very angry toward society and human beings in general for being so mean and such jerks. another issue i have is that i really HATE a-holes, jerks, and mean/bullying-type people and i feel a very violent rage towards these types of human beings.

 

[theslowesthand]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

thank you very much slowesthand for the advice. i know what CBT is but what exactly is RET and RSA? also what are some of the "complicating factors" that you have different from me?

RET = Rational Emotive Therapy.
RSA = Rational Self Analysis.

My main "complicating factors" are i guess my OCPD, obsessive/extreme interests on my computer, and my total inability to handle any changes in life whatsoever (ie i can't change anything in my house, so the hoarded "stuffy" clutter remains year-in-year-out). All together, they make it almost impossible to do anything "outside of my box", which means i never really make barely any progress, from year to year, more-or-less being stuck in a time-warp. I do what i can, but everything's really hard work (very stressful & draining), and i am not living a very healthy lifestyle as of the present.

 

[foyle]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I always wonder how people, who don't go outside, manage to get their daily stuff done. Like, paying bills.

If I wouldn't go outside, I'd lose my job, I couldn't pay my rent. And if I wouldn't look for a new job, the government wouldn't pay any unemployment money to me. So I'd be either be homeless or forced to move back to my family. Which is a burden I'd never place upon them.

So... just the fact of having to pay my bills keeps me moving forward.

Same here. I am not lucky to have a family to support me. I just went out to work. Now that I have lost my job, I just go out to send job applications and I really wish I could get a job from home. However, if I had to go out and earn my bread, I will, because I do not have another alternative.

 

[foyle]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I can not really give you any advice. But I really like the advice of taking baby steps and to try to go out for a few minutes and increase the time each time.

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

RET = Rational Emotive Therapy.
RSA = Rational Self Analysis.

My main "complicating factors" are i guess my OCPD, obsessive/extreme interests on my computer, and my total inability to handle any changes in life whatsoever (ie i can't change anything in my house, so the hoarded "stuffy" clutter remains year-in-year-out). All together, they make it almost impossible to do anything "outside of my box", which means i never really make barely any progress, from year to year, more-or-less being stuck in a time-warp. I do what i can, but everything's really hard work (very stressful & draining), and i am not living a very healthy lifestyle as of the present.

slowesthand are you able to go outside your house at all for anything or are you pretty much home 24/7 like me?? also how long have you had issues with staying inside the house/agoraphobia and anxiety? get back to me, thanks.

 

[theslowesthand]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

slowesthand are you able to go outside your house at all for anything or are you pretty much home 24/7 like me?? also how long have you had issues with staying inside the house/agoraphobia and anxiety?

Each year for last several years, i have been going outside (or abroad) less & less. Not sure exactly why that is. But right now it's basically 24/7 (except usually for a few hours per week at my parents, which is still inside).
I've always been an anxious, indoors, studious type. I guess being outside (even out in countryside where i live) hasn't "done" it for me. Or it makes me feel bored, restless, anxious, or sth.
But nowadays i don't even have any reason to go outside, although i do recognize that it would be healthy for me to get outside & exercise, regularly. Seldom do i though .. always coming up with excuses. It's a tricky one.. :question: :kickingmyself:

 

[Earthcircle]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I seem to be tending in this direction. And tending very fast. I am afraid that past therapy may have contributed to my problem, by undermining my self-esteem. I would rather go out and have coffee with someone, e.g. a date, than see a therapist. But, anyway, I seem to be getting worse and worse.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

Hi and welcome to the forum. So you say you're an information addict online. I'm wondering if this has caused you to become paranoid by looking up crazy things or running into it. It seems like you should join a gym too so you can be around people and maybe someone will approach you. I think it's hard to make friends just by taking a walk.

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I seem to be tending in this direction. And tending very fast. I am afraid that past therapy may have contributed to my problem, by undermining my self-esteem. I would rather go out and have coffee with someone, e.g. a date, than see a therapist. But, anyway, I seem to be getting worse and worse.

why would your past therapy undermine your self-esteem? shouldn't it have helped you or at least had a neutral effect?

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

Hi and welcome to the forum. So you say you're an information addict online. I'm wondering if this has caused you to become paranoid by looking up crazy things or running into it. It seems like you should join a gym too so you can be around people and maybe someone will approach you. I think it's hard to make friends just by taking a walk.

joining a gym is probably not a good idea right now since i barely have enough energy to get out of the house and walk. so maybe once i start doing that for a few months i could join a gym although i always worry if someone approached me to talk if it would be weird to ask them to hang out some time and i don't want to come across as desperate. btw i don't mean asking a girl on a date i mean just hanging out with another male as a friendship.

 

[kc1296426]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

There are so many hotlines to call around the New York City/Tri-State area. Many are free & 24/7 where you can talk to someone who is knowledgable about Social Anxiety Disorder, and any mental health illnesses. They care. Call them. Google them and call, they care and will not judge you.

You sound like you want to get better which is amazing -- you will get better, I promise you, if you keep trying to get better and especially reaching out and getting help.

I would definitely see a professional. If you are worried about your future, they are taught and there to help with people who have problems like you currently have. You don't have to live like this, and you can live a successful life being happy. It's possible, but you have to want to change and get help. Don't worry about who you see -- just go to a mental health clinic, or google some and look up some favorable ones. You can't go wrong if you have a professional guide you to getting better.

You can overcome this, people do it all the time. (not saying it's that simple or easy, but it all depends on the person and their circumstance.)

Remember that you are stronger than you think you are (obviously because you are still here, wanting to get better, which is amazing. You should thank yourself for being so strong, this just means if you put your mind to it, you can literally do anything) and keep your head up. Surround yourself in positivity.

Best of luck my friend, you got this

 

[WishingICould]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

Welcome to the forum. Would you not go out with your parents some where in the car or something? I find my anxiety isn't as bad when i go out with someone.

 

[neardeath]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I can relate. I am going to start next week M-F 45 minute senior gym classes and I don't have to talk to anyone. No locker room. Get in, get out, drive home. I am also considering moving to a legal state because I've tried most of the meds in the book but cannabis makes me feel fun and outgoing. Where I live they lock you up for it. God's gift and we can't have it. Ridiculous. Ok thanks for listening glad you are here. I am new but responding to a few others and writing to someone in the world about my experiences helps in some strange unknown way. Best wishes.

 

[Kodebr8kr]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

There are so many hotlines to call around the New York City/Tri-State area. Many are free & 24/7 where you can talk to someone who is knowledgable about Social Anxiety Disorder, and any mental health illnesses. They care. Call them.

I couldn't really find any hotlines, do you know of any?

 

[Gerdje]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I also, can relate to this situation, but don't let the fact that you didn't have panic attacks make you conclude that you don't suffer agoraphobia. Certain situation like even leaving the house trigger you not wanting to go the horrible road of going out there, and thus the chance to encounter a fullblown panic attack is nihil, personally I'm in the same boat for over 10 years now, countless of times I was that close from having a panic attack while only putting my shoes on and grasping for my coat, that only reverting back is all that was really possible.

And while the symptoms really point to agoraphobia, in my case, and pretty much all cases of fullblown agora are only a result of even deeper fears, being social phobia in the majority. I can relate to the fact that you have a hard time trusting anyone who wants to dig deeper in the root of your fears, because it's a normal thinking pattern that this will ultimatelyu lead to forcing you to do things you currently see as "way too much over your head" as to where you stand right now.

Indeed, small small steps, and once in a while forcing yourself a little, but once you feel you have to force yourself any single time, it's perhaps time, to take a small step back, and try again, and the hope and knowledge that you'll progress forward along the whole long way.

 

[Lamb]

Re: NEED HELP - Barely Left Home In Over 8 Years, Want To Start Therapy & Make Change

I know you mentioned wanting to meet others. It looks like a group exist in NYC.

#1 New York Shyness and Social Anxiety Meetup Group (New York, NY) - Meetup
as well as:
NJ/NYC Group - Social Anxiety Forum

Good luck