My recovery (in-progress)

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jaim38

Well-known member
Welcome back. I read through all of it. This is very disturbing but I'm glad you are able to pick yourself up again and start anew. Hey, new year new beginning new you! Starting a journal is a good idea. I wish you the best on your recovery.
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I'm glad your back and focusing on your recovery. I had no idea from the last time I read your thread that things would get even worse for you. I really hope you get better.
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
Read it, welcome back. Sounds like slowly but surely you're taking positive steps and starting to reassemble your life. Great to hear, inspiring.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I didn't read your last thread. Wow! I'm sorry you went through all this. But its great you're trying to get better and I'm sure you will. Good luck.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Jesus H Christ!

I hope they put that monster away for a long time.

You've shown you are stronger than you think to survive something like this.
 
skins

skins

1
i'm glad i took the time to read your entire post....you seem such a genuinely warm, caring, thoughtful and intellectual person, its so heartbreaking to hear what happened to you.

You deserve nothing but the best friendships and opportunities life has to offer you, i truely hope find this and much much more. stay safe
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
glad to know you're getting things back on track

sorry you went through all that

i'd been worried about you
 
tonicobastos

tonicobastos

Active member
I read your original post (I think it was in December), and your story really stuck in my mind. If you have access to good mental health professionals, initiating therapy can be really worth it. You've certainly been through a lot.

I've thought of posting my personal story with a neglecting Psychiatrist but I'm afraid that could make other users give up on seeking treatment.
Good luck with you recovery!:thumbup:
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
^you are not responsible for anything that he does or has done - he alone is responsible for his own actions and their consequences. please try not to take that on.

you know he's trying to manipulate you - that's how he works.

you should block his number.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Zarathustra said:
Lately, I haven't been trying as hard as I could. I haven't been leaving the house every day like I'd planned, I've hardly attended at all. I want to, I just feel so anxious at the moment. I'm avoiding a lot of things, in the coming days, I need to face up and handle them. On a positive note, I've managed to keep up with my University work, and there are a few other things that have really kept my spirits up.

Unfortunately, B called me today, and he's texting at the moment. I don't even know how he has my number. Apparently he's been in prison, and attributes that to phonecalls I made to the schools he worked in. It wasn't even me that made those calls. I told him I don't want any contact from him, I'm going to change my number. He's threatening suicide, and has attempted suicide in the past. I don't know what to do. I can't forgive what he's done not only to me, but potentially others. I don't want to be responsible for his death though, what should I do? I tried calling his Dad to tell him that he's threatening suicide, but the number isn't in service any more. I can't cope with talking to him again, I genuinely can't. I've sent a few sparse replies but I can't let the guilt creep back into my mind. I'm so conflicted.
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I think you really need to come to grips with the severity of the situation. This man had you considering abducting a under age girl who he would then have raped! Let the bastard threaten to kill himself. Leave him be. He's manipulative and a bad person. He's not your responsibility. You need to get your priorities in order. You're better than that.

Change your number again. And, find some good and decent people to surround yourself with. This is a great forum but I think you need someone who can come over and be with you and people that you can hang out with that don't use drugs or abuse alcohol.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Zarathustra said:
I didn't consider doing it. I was frightened, I'm not strong, and I'm intimidated easily. He's much stronger than me and I was genuinely concerned that during those few hours if I didn't agree to things and placate him, things might have taken a serious violent turn. I think though that's why I have nightmares. I somehow feel complicit.

I don't want to hang out with him either, I haven't been speaking to him, I've no intention of having any contact with him, it's just difficult to have someone's death on your conscious. There was a lot of heavy manipulation prior to me finding out about his intentions, and I'm still kind of messed up from that. Thanks though, I can see the sense in what you're saying.
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If he goes ahead with suicide, that might be better! He is a danger to children and others! God only knows who he may hurt next!! Your conscious should be clear!

Just focus on why you're vulnerable and what you're going to do in the future to make sure THAT NEVER happens again. Part of that, will be cutting ALL contact with this monster!

You don't want this to be a repeating pattern in your life. Getting involved with violent and abusive men as it is for so many women. Now is the time for you to focus on your recovery. Consider yourself lucky, you're relatively unharmed. A lot of women go through a lifetime of this abuse. Don't be one of those women. I know you're strong enough. Hang in there!!
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
ImNotMyIllness said:
If he goes ahead with suicide, that might be better! He is a danger to children and others! God only knows who he may hurt next!! Your conscious should be clear!

Just focus on why you're vulnerable and what you're going to do in the future to make sure THAT NEVER happens again. Part of that, will be cutting ALL contact with this monster!

You don't want this to be a repeating pattern in your life. Getting involved with violent and abusive men as it is for so many women. Now is the time for you to focus on your recovery. Consider yourself lucky, you're relatively unharmed. A lot of women go through a lifetime of this abuse. Don't be one of those women. I know you're strong enough. Hang in there!!
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P.S I have no sympathy for rapists and child molesters. Neither should you.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
You seem like you're hanging on by a thread. Testifying may not be the answer in this situation. You better off focusing on your sanity. You made a report and the police now know more about him. It's out of your hands and into theirs (where it should be).

If you don't already have a therapist or psychologist, you should get one. Also, getting involved with a battered women's group would help. I found a few websites, they're a good start. Check them out:

I don't believe you need to have been married for the first group.
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