Lately, I haven't been trying as hard as I could. I haven't been leaving the house every day like I'd planned, I've hardly attended at all. I want to, I just feel so anxious at the moment. I'm avoiding a lot of things, in the coming days, I need to face up and handle them. On a positive note, I've managed to keep up with my University work, and there are a few other things that have really kept my spirits up.
Unfortunately, B called me today, and he's texting at the moment. I don't even know how he has my number. Apparently he's been in prison, and attributes that to phonecalls I made to the schools he worked in. It wasn't even me that made those calls. I told him I don't want any contact from him, I'm going to change my number. He's threatening suicide, and has attempted suicide in the past. I don't know what to do. I can't forgive what he's done not only to me, but potentially others. I don't want to be responsible for his death though, what should I do? I tried calling his Dad to tell him that he's threatening suicide, but the number isn't in service any more. I can't cope with talking to him again, I genuinely can't. I've sent a few sparse replies but I can't let the guilt creep back into my mind. I'm so conflicted.
I didn't consider doing it. I was frightened, I'm not strong, and I'm intimidated easily. He's much stronger than me and I was genuinely concerned that during those few hours if I didn't agree to things and placate him, things might have taken a serious violent turn. I think though that's why I have nightmares. I somehow feel complicit.
I don't want to hang out with him either, I haven't been speaking to him, I've no intention of having any contact with him, it's just difficult to have someone's death on your conscious. There was a lot of heavy manipulation prior to me finding out about his intentions, and I'm still kind of messed up from that. Thanks though, I can see the sense in what you're saying.
If he goes ahead with suicide, that might be better! He is a danger to children and others! God only knows who he may hurt next!! Your conscious should be clear!
Just focus on why you're vulnerable and what you're going to do in the future to make sure THAT NEVER happens again. Part of that, will be cutting ALL contact with this monster!
You don't want this to be a repeating pattern in your life. Getting involved with violent and abusive men as it is for so many women. Now is the time for you to focus on your recovery. Consider yourself lucky, you're relatively unharmed. A lot of women go through a lifetime of this abuse. Don't be one of those women. I know you're strong enough. Hang in there!!