My lecturer fancies me

[Rooftops]

Well, I'm pretty sure my fifty-year-old lecturer fancies me (I'll call him Jimmy). Jimmy tries sitting/standing next to me, talking to and staring at me whenever possible. He looks like he's about to touch my arm sometimes, then jerks away when I notice.

In the past my lecturer has (embarrassingly) put my work onto the overhead projector to tell the class how perfect it is and secured me a very good work placement without me even asking. For a while I thought I was being paranoid, until a few weeks ago when my room mate was convinced that Jimmy had a massive thing for me (this is without me bringing up the subject with him).

Most recently I have been absent for two weeks, whereas normally I am in most days. I have been depressed for a number of reasons and can't motivate myself to go in: once the class-skipping cycle starts it's hard to break. Jimmy sent a message to my non-university email account today, saying he was worried about my lack of attendance and was I okay? There are other students with MUCH poorer attendance compared to mine who have not had this sort of treatment.

To make matters worse he added "pop in to see me tomorrow" and "Yours, Jimmy" - not yours sincerely, faithfully or whatever, just yours. In emails addressing the entire class he has never signed off with "Yours" before.

I would never report him unless something physical happened, I just need advice on what to do. Although Jimmy has done a lot for me (ACADEMICALLY, obviously) I don't fancy talking to him about my depression/anxiety, I already see a councillor for that. If it was 20/30 years ago I might've considered it, as he is an interesting and well-travelled guy, but he is way too old for me.

 

[lonelypothead]

He just seems concerned about your poor attendance. Start going to class again and let him know he's making you uncomfortable IF he does/says something inappropriate. Given his age I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[Prestonator]

I would suggest going to see him because he might just literally concerned. But if you're worried then perhaps its wise to go with a friend and make them wait outside the room. But if you have skipped uni the past few weeks because of this then it would be advisable to talk to a lecturer or a tutor that you feel uncomfortable about the lecturer....the fact that you are seeing a counscellor already is great but if you dont talk about why/whats ausing it then it will only get worse....

Hope this helps

Prestonator

 

[Nathália]

Teachers can be very favorable amongst certain students like that, it doesn't necessarily mean that. Tell him personally that you have anxiety and can't handle people under you or being in the spot light. He should follow those rules. Maybe he's not meaning to? You don't go have to go into detail about things, if he ask you something you don't want to talk about say that you rather not discuss it.

 

[coyote]

...Given his age I don't think you have anything to worry about.

yes, fifty year old men are rarely, if ever, interested in 20 year old college girls

men of such advanced years can scarcely pour their own tea or find their slippers

just in case he's spry for his age, though, i'd trust your instincts about him

he may be counting on his position of influence and authority over you to gain your trust/acceptance

there's no reason you need to get into a discussion about your personal life with him if you're not comfortable

he's your teacher, not your counselor - i'm sure his employment contract has strict limits as to what relationship he may take with you

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

To me he seems like he is just trying to be a good teacher. Sometimes teachers can favor students they notice are struggling with stuff. I think you are blowing the situation out of proportion. You should email him and tell him that you aren't comfortable with your interactions lately and feel like things need to stop. If he continues to pester you and push then it is a problem. But right now he seems like a concerned teacher. People are touchy sometimes and it has nothing to do with how they feel about you.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

So, he is impressed by your work so much that he uses it as an example for other students during class?

I think you should go in there with the assumption that he's just looking out for you and worried about you skipping class, as it could really mess up your grades.
There's a possibility for something else, but I would assume it's something more innocent until he does something for you to be suspicious of other than a 'Yours, Jimmy' in an email.

 

[Hoppy]

I would go with Weirdy. Until he does something really strange, just assumes he is a lonely man who enjoys having a good student in his class.

 

[Srijita52]

So, he is impressed by your work so much that he uses it as an example for other students during class?

I think you should go in there with the assumption that he's just looking out for you and worried about you skipping class, as it could really mess up your grades.
There's a possibility for something else, but I would assume it's something more innocent until he does something for you to be suspicious of other than a 'Yours, Jimmy' in an email.

I agree with Weirdy, maybe he's just being a good teacher. But its up to you, if you don't want to talk about your personal issues with him you don't have to.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

He's interested. If you show any signs of reciprocation, expect the "advances" to increase substantially.

 

[Sartana]

He just sounds friendly and must think that you do good work. Universities have a completely different teacher-student environment than any other place of education. It's pretty common for what you've described to happen, or for students to go to the pub with their lecturers, etc.

I get very much the same treatment from one of my lecturers, only we're both guys. But similarly to you he will put me forward for things that I wanted to pass over because I didn't think I was good enough, sends emails about things that don't have anything to do with work etc. And those emails are always slightly different to the ones sent out to groups as they would be. It's just being friendly.

He'd always chase up to see if I was alright when I hadn't been attended other people's lessons etc too as most tutors would. Sometimes lecturers just click with a certain student more than others, and the same thing goes the other way too. All have their favorites even if they're not really supposed to.

Also, and perhaps most importantly, University jobs are too comfortable for someone to risk their career over fancying a student.

 

[dyingtolive]

well 2 weeks absence is a big thing.

you mentioned he has helped you alot academically and that he put your work as if u were a good student of his.

I am a bit wary about his asking you to see him tomorrow though. But some people like doing that. Teachers too. I hate it myself. When they ask you to see them. Especially for SA peeps.

Creepy and anxiety inducing for me.

I think there are many teachers like that... Not my favorite kind of teacher, but they exist and you just gotta sorta deal with them... Not like they're at the evil level, more of the annoying level. So id stay cautious.. and firm, but stay cool.. Goodluck

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Well, I'm pretty sure my fifty-year-old lecturer fancies me (I'll call him Jimmy). Jimmy tries sitting/standing next to me, talking to and staring at me whenever possible. He looks like he's about to touch my arm sometimes, then jerks away when I notice.

Sounds like he's trying to put the "letch" in lecturer.

To make matters worse he added "pop in to see me tomorrow" and "Yours, Jimmy" - not yours sincerely, faithfully or whatever, just yours. In emails addressing the entire class he has never signed off with "Yours" before.

I would never report him unless something physical happened, I just need advice on what to do. Although Jimmy has done a lot for me (ACADEMICALLY, obviously) I don't fancy talking to him about my depression/anxiety, I already see a councillor for that. If it was 20/30 years ago I might've considered it, as he is an interesting and well-travelled guy, but he is way too old for me.

If you do go to see him, I really think you should take someone with you. He may just be a bit overly friendly, and have no bad intentions, but then again he may have taken more of a liking to you than is appropriate for someone in his position. If he has no ulterior motives then having someone else along shouldn't be an issue.

 

[1BlackSheep]

He's interested. If you show any signs of reciprocation, expect the "advances" to increase substantially.

I agree! It sounds a little creepy to me! I'd definitely bring someone with you to the meeting.

 

[Fighter86]

He's interested. If you show any signs of reciprocation, expect the "advances" to increase substantially.

I actually agree. What I suggest you do is show you are not keen in a nice way so as not to offend him since he is still your lecturer after all. One example is the next time he writes you email signing off with 'yours' again, simply tell him to use 'yours sincerely'. Its a simple gesture to do but it brings your point right across.



I was in a similar situation as you, except the other person in question was a colleague. Over time I found his behaviour became too close for comfort. He started refering to me as 'dear' in his smses to me. It make me quite uncomfortable but I said nothing and pretended everything was fine also I believe I must have mistaken his intentions since he was a good 25 years older and married with two kids, I told myself it was possible perhaps he treated me like a daughter. But because I did nothing he became embolden and started refering to me as 'dear' in our telephone conversations as well so in the end I told him via sms it is just fine to refer to me by name. Since then he has done so and I have not other trouble (at least for now). Thus it is my suggestion not to let the situation drag on for longer and solve it before it drags on making you more uncomfortable.

 

[oscarwilde]

Trust your own gut instinct! I have the intuition he does fancy you.