My first time sex next week

[bony666]

Hey guys, I wanted to share this moment with you, as am feeling very stressed and lonely. I know there has already been a thread about loosing virginity, and I took part, writing that it would never happen to me and that my sexual life will never begin: but here we are ! I have met a guy !!!

Well, the thing is my SP always made me very reluctant to accept the many invitations from guys -especially during my teenage years... and here I am today still lonely & a 26 years olld virgin ! Goosh am so scared ! ...the reason why am so scared is that I haven't known the guy for that long (1 month or so) and even though he's been very sweet until now, I am still scared of being disappointed, and left alone after sex...

Basically we've met in a Salsa club and he followed me the whole evening, we danced, until 3.00 am & then we kissed and I said it was time to go home. a few days later we had a drink at a very nice Bar and spoke about our lives: he was asking me really sweet & clever questions like: what makes you happy, do you like poetry, do you have a personnal diary, can we share our diaries ... and besides we have so many things in common (even if we are from different origins) : we both lived in UK, we love going to Spain & he knows lots of things about my home country: food, language, customs. I feel we have a lot to share...

So last Tuesday, he invited me to his appartment (we both live in Paris) in order to show me his Guitare Talent (he plays really well) and we spent a great evening; and around midnight he started kissing me and we got closer: however I wasn't ready and said please not now (he didn't yet know I am a virgin), so he said: Ok just stay here tonight, he promised we would just sleep and no t have sex. He took me in his arms to his room (very nice room) and he tenderly held me in his arms: at that moment I started crying and said that I never had sex and confessed how lonely am feeling & how big was my need for tenderness, & how hard my life was (but didn' mention SP). He just kissed me so sweetly and said: You are young, you are only 26 (he is 35 ) and that's a shame for such a beauty not to have sex, and that we are going to catch up all those lost years, you are gonna love having sex. I just loved the fact that he didn't judge me. I said I still wanted to wait; and we finally slept tenderly like we always knew each other. Great night !

Well, It has benn some time now, and am thinking of doing "It" next week-end, as i really want it & need it. What scares me now is not the physical pain of 1st time sex, but the risk of being emotionally hurt if it doesn't work between us. I am effraid about him not being faithful (I have seen so many men cheating on their girlfriends around me)

Please tell me what you think about that... oh wow sorry for this long post,
I will soon update you about how things are goins;..

Thanx everyone

 

[ShyMuppet]

I would advise you NOT to have sex with this guy. A month is not nearly long enough for you to get to know someone & determine their intentions.

There is no harm in waiting, but there may be harm in acting too soon. I suggest that you simply enjoy the time that you are now spending together. If this guy likes you as a person, he will WAIT. Honestly, I would not blame a girl for waiting six months, given how many selfish guys there are in this world (I am a guy).

 

[ShyCanuck]

Sex and love don't need to always go hand-in-hand. My advice is that if you love/feel strongly for him, that's cool, but just try to enjoy the sex. Concentrate on making it *feel* good, so if it turns out he just wanted to get you into bed, you can still have a good memory of the "event".

 

[bony666]

I would advise you NOT to have sex with this guy. A month is not nearly long enough for you to get to know someone & determine their intentions.

There is no harm in waiting, but there may be harm in acting too soon. I suggest that you simply enjoy the time that you are now spending together. If this guy likes you as a person, he will WAIT. Honestly, I would not blame a girl for waiting six months, given how many selfish guys there are in this world (I am a guy).

thanks so much for your reply, yes but the thing is that I find it so hard to wait as I have been in such big need for such a long time: but you're right, that's not a reason to do it w/o totally knowing the guy.

Besides, one other thing is that when I told him: "let's wait" he said yes, but I noticed an expression of contradiction in his face , and I felt he was going to sleep with some other girls in the meantime...

As you said, I need to check his true intentions: Whether he likes my personnality & not just 'get be in bed', I also have to mention that I am not 100% attracted to him (physically he's not totally my type

I am still thinking and see how he behaves with me

Thx again, take care

 

[bony666]

Sex and love don't need to always go hand-in-hand. My advice is that if you love/feel strongly for him, that's cool, but just try to enjoy the sex. Concentrate on making it *feel* good, so if it turns out he just wanted to get you into bed, you can still have a good memory of the "event".

Yes , love takes time, it's not 'always' love at first sight and most couples need long months of dating before they fall in love.
as you said I don't think I can wait long long months: 1-because I have a strong physical need 2-because I don't think he would wait for months;

The thing is you can never be 100% sure about someone-unless you've known him since your childhood) and I don't think that waiting long months will make any difference in my opinion about him.

I have to see him tmrw and will see what happens

thx

 

[Remus]

One tip, beware the agreeable man.

Us men will say anything to get a girl between the sheets, it's in our programming! When we get the conquest, we soon move on to the next

but.... if you are just in it for fun, then have a blast.

 

[chained]

wow, sounds like a really nice experience.. but if he cares for u he will wait longer, and IMO u shud

 

[mads]

If you feel you are ready for it, and that you feel you can trust him, then do it.

But if you dont feel that, then you should not do it.

The only one who really knows what is the right thing to do for you is yourself.

 

[bony666]

If you feel you are ready for it, and that you feel you can trust him, then do it.

But if you dont feel that, then you should not do it.

The only one who really knows what is the right thing to do for you is yourself.

thanks for your answers,

yeah I feel physically and mentally ready, but as an SP suferer, I never had any experience about trusting someone !!!!! Don't you feel like that ?
If you also suffer from SP , then Am sure you see what I mean ...

So yes sex is more than welcome, am just so scared about this. Considering allthe pain already caused by Sp, I wouldn' stand an additional pain in case this relationship turns out bad !!!!! That's what I mean by this thread......!!

 

[mads]

thanks for your answers,

yeah I feel physically and mentally ready, but as an SP suferer, I never had any experience about trusting someone !!!!! Don't you feel like that ?
If you also suffer from SP , then Am sure you see what I mean ...

So yes sex is more than welcome, am just so scared about this. Considering allthe pain already caused by Sp, I wouldn' stand an additional pain in case this relationship turns out bad !!!!! That's what I mean by this thread......!!

I know what you mean.

The thing is just, there is never a guarantee that everything will go well, you can never be 100%, even if you have known the person forever. So the best judge is yourself.

Maybe try to ask him, I want to wait, lets say 3 months before we do it, and see how is reaction is. If he really cares for you, he will not mind at all, but if he gets dispapointed etc. I doubt he is the right for you, but again you are the only one to judge that.

 

[bony666]

I know what you mean.

The thing is just, there is never a guarantee that everything will go well, you can never be 100%, even if you have known the person forever. So the best judge is yourself.

Maybe try to ask him, I want to wait, lets say 3 months before we do it, and see how is reaction is. If he really cares for you, he will not mind at all, but if he gets dispapointed etc. I doubt he is the right for you, but again you are the only one to judge that.

Good Idea !!!
That would be a really good question to ask him !!!!!!!!:

 

[mads]

Good Idea !!!
That would be a really good question to ask him !!!!!!!!:

Great

Lets us know how his reaction is

 

[bony666]

He just called me, and we are supposed to meet tmrw for a walk in a some park: I have so many questions to ask him, and am gonna see his reactions

Yes, thanks Mad, I will let you know

 

[mads]

He just called me, and we are supposed to meet tmrw for a walk in a some park: I have so many questions to ask him, and am gonna see his reactions

Yes, thanks Mad, I will let you know

You are welcome Good luck!

Btw my name is Mads I am not mad, or maybe I am

 

[iamthenra]

t I find it so hard to wait as I have been in such big need for such a long time:

Yeah, me too! I'm a 41 year old V..... male and I have needed and wanted a relationship for a very very long time.

I say wait... I say wait, because if he isn't really into you, and is just wanting to "score" with a virgin girl, then he might just leave you after the act of sex... Being a guy, and I have heard allot of guys brag about how they score with virgins and then leave them for their next conquest. I think if he is really into you he will wait for you to be "ready". Don't ever just rush into things like this, and don't allow sex to become part of a way to hold a guys interest in you either. Because if I were into you, I would wait until you were ready, because if I cared for you, I would respect your wishes to wait. IMHO

 

[bony666]

Good advice so far. I would also advise you to wait. And wait for a good while more.

Don't be in any hurry. You can't un-ring a bell!

Hey, what do you mean by a good while more ?!
It is increasingly hard to wait, and waiting afew more weeks, or months ? but how many months, am really not sure to be able to wait. The question is: will afew months change smthing between us ? would I really know him better ? ...it ususally take years & years to really know someone....and that raises an even more interesting question: When do you really "know" someone ?,,??

 

[bony666]

Yeah, me too! I'm a 41 year old V..... male and I have needed and wanted a relationship for a very very long time.

I say wait... I say wait, because if he isn't really into you, and is just wanting to "score" with a virgin girl, then he might just leave you after the act of sex... Being a guy, and I have heard allot of guys brag about how they score with virgins and then leave them for their next conquest. I think if he is really into you he will wait for you to be "ready". Don't ever just rush into things like this, and don't allow sex to become part of a way to hold a guys interest in you either. Because if I were into you, I would wait until you were ready, because if I cared for you, I would respect your wishes to wait. IMHO

thanks, yes I see what you mean, but I am still wonderinh how long shall I wait to find his true intentions ?
I am getting sick about this life deprived with sex & affection. This is so hard !!: I am suffering from insomnia,I feel tired & depressed, and sometimes I start wondering about my body functions !!! ??? am effraid of becoming abnormal if I caary on on this 'Sexless life' !!!
Gosshhh, is it that complicated to get some happiness, so many questions in my head ....

 

[iamthenra]

Well like Remus said earlier... If you want "sex" for the fun of it and couldn't care less about the guy, then go for it! Have a blast and don't regret a thing... But if you are interested in a relationship with him and having sex is a part of this relationship, then wait.... How long is up to you. I'm sorry I can't give you any idea how long, because I am inexperienced in the area of relationships and sex too.... I do know what it's like to have a sexless life... and being depressed and feeling left out like I have missed allot of great moments in life. Oh and don't worry about your body not functioning correctly, It's men that have this problem the older us guys get, the more likely to get prostate issues and erectile dysfunction...

 

[bony666]

Hi!

I think that the fact that you asked the question on an internet forum shows that you aren't sure yourself.

If you knew that it was right to go ahead and do this now then you wouldnt have asked the question.

I don't know you so i cant really say how long to wait. But wait until you are 100% certain that its the right time. And at the moment you dont seem certain, so i think its best to wait.

When the time is right, you'll just know.

I wish you the best of luck with your decision, but its best to be cautious and certain, rather than rush it and regret it afterwards. The world is full of people who regret rushing into sleeping with someone, so just take your time and try to avoid becoming one of them.

Wowo thanx so much Dub16 for this, it's really helpful: Yes you're right am not totally certain, and the right time would be when I know deep inside that having sex with him will make me happy , and not harm me

and Yeah, I don't wanna become one of those people. The minimum before sex is respect, tenderness and trust.

I love Ireland by the way...

 

[mads]

One this is true: you won't know until you know. The next thing is that there are never any guarantees. That's just part of life, though. Sometimes, we have to take risks if we want to experience love and life as we should. There is a chance that you will be hurt and disappointed and then there is a chance that this will be one of the greatest experiences in your life. Don't worry too much about getting hurt. If it happens then it happens, but whether we have good or bad experiences, they all serve us with important life lessons. Hearts do mend. God knows how many times I've cried over being hurt or disappointed. I've survived to tell about I have learned that all of it was necessary. I've learned a lot about myself and about others. Today, I am grateful for all that hurt.
I wish you the best, honey. Just go with the flow.

A very good advice imo