Moving in with strangers

[DanielLewis]

After two years of sharing an apartment with my brother, I’ve decided I should get my own place. Although improving our relationship was good, I know this is the next step for me to take. What I’m unsure about in taking this next step is whether to rent an apartment or to rent the room of a stranger’s home. The latter option will save me a good chunk of money, and the former will save me the weirdness of moving in with one or more complete strangers. I’ll save about 9% of my monthly income if I rent a room, which seems pretty significant. Knowing this, what would you do? Excluding a college dorm, have you ever moved in with a stranger? How did it turn out?

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I couldn't live with a stranger unless I absolutely had to.

I can only deal with most people in-passing, but maybe your spectrum isn't that way. I did live with strangers once, but I was moving-in with my brother and two of his friends I hadn't met, so it wasn't too bad.

I'd give it a lot of thought. If the money seems worth it, go for it. But I'd rather pay a little extra cash and keep my blessed solitude.

 

[Phoenixx]

I could never live with a stranger honestly. Dorming my first 3 months in college was such a living hell I wrote it off completely and never lived with a stranger again.

I personally have heard too many horror stories from people I know that rooming with strangers isn't something I'd recommend, even if you would be saving money. I have a pretty good example from a friend of mine.

My friend recently kicked out someone she shared an apartment with for a year. Well, kicked out is a strong way of putting it, rather she told her that she was going to be living on her own from now on (since she was in the apartment first) and didn't want her roommate to renew her half of the lease. But she had good reason for doing so. This girl was a really toxic person. My friend wound up with her after our other friend moved to another city and she needed someone right away to fill the spot to help cover the cost for a while. I think this person was a friend of a classmate she knew well, sounds good right? Nope, she ended up being the roommate from hell. Not to sound judgmental stating she definitely had some issues with mental illness which I think contributed to her toxic behaviors, but it was still no excuse to live the way she did or treat my friend the way she did. This girl never checked in with my friend when she'd come or go since she seemingly never had a schedule when she'd leave or show up it was always random. Never talked to her or anything. She'd always leave the door unlocked because she'd "forget" - someone could've easily just waltzed right in and raided the place, she'd leave literal garbage around the whole apartment which brought in pests, especially if the garbage can was full instead of, you know, taking it out and putting in a new bag. Her room was littered with everything on the floor including food (apartment had wall to wall carpet everywhere but the bathroom and kitchen). She also stole the only parking pass sticker they had, which my friend saved for guests that would visit - including myself, and gave it to her boyfriend who stuck it to his car so he could come whenever he wanted. When he would show up he'd stay there for 2 - 3 days before leaving, and his showing up was nearly a weekly thing. So this guy probably got to "live" there for almost a total of 2 weeks a month. I saw a lot of this with my own eyes since I'd visit every once in a while and my friend would text me pics and would need to vent about it. I felt so bad for her. She thankfully got a raise last fall I think it was and started saving just for this year so she could live on her own. She won't live with anyone else she doesn't know again either.

I know some people out there are not bad roommates, but honestly I'd just be extremely cautious.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I lived with strangers a few times a few years back, but it was a homeless so living in a sharehouse type of situation. Majority of the people we lived with were tolerable but only a couple were ones we liked, and the rest were hell. I personally now could not live with a stranger again unless by some hellish misfortune I found myself back in that type of situation. I hate sharing but if I had to do it again I'd definitely try and share with someone I knew/trusted

 

[theoutsider]

I could never live with strangers. It's like coming home from the stress and anxiety of having to deal with people out in the public to coming home to the stress and anxiety of dealing with people in your personal living space. I need to have a safe and quiet haven.

 

[DanielLewis]

I could never live with a stranger honestly. Dorming my first 3 months in college was such a living hell I wrote it off completely and never lived with a stranger again.

I personally have heard too many horror stories from people I know that rooming with strangers isn't something I'd recommend, even if you would be saving money. I have a pretty good example from a friend of mine.

My friend recently kicked out someone she shared an apartment with for a year. Well, kicked out is a strong way of putting it, rather she told her that she was going to be living on her own from now on (since she was in the apartment first) and didn't want her roommate to renew her half of the lease. But she had good reason for doing so. This girl was a really toxic person. My friend wound up with her after our other friend moved to another city and she needed someone right away to fill the spot to help cover the cost for a while. I think this person was a friend of a classmate she knew well, sounds good right? Nope, she ended up being the roommate from hell. Not to sound judgmental stating she definitely had some issues with mental illness which I think contributed to her toxic behaviors, but it was still no excuse to live the way she did or treat my friend the way she did. This girl never checked in with my friend when she'd come or go since she seemingly never had a schedule when she'd leave or show up it was always random. Never talked to her or anything. She'd always leave the door unlocked because she'd "forget" - someone could've easily just waltzed right in and raided the place, she'd leave literal garbage around the whole apartment which brought in pests, especially if the garbage can was full instead of, you know, taking it out and putting in a new bag. Her room was littered with everything on the floor including food (apartment had wall to wall carpet everywhere but the bathroom and kitchen). She also stole the only parking pass sticker they had, which my friend saved for guests that would visit - including myself, and gave it to her boyfriend who stuck it to his car so he could come whenever he wanted. When he would show up he'd stay there for 2 - 3 days before leaving, and his showing up was nearly a weekly thing. So this guy probably got to "live" there for almost a total of 2 weeks a month. I saw a lot of this with my own eyes since I'd visit every once in a while and my friend would text me pics and would need to vent about it. I felt so bad for her. She thankfully got a raise last fall I think it was and started saving just for this year so she could live on her own. She won't live with anyone else she doesn't know again either.

I know some people out there are not bad roommates, but honestly I'd just be extremely cautious.

Wow, that really was the roommate from “hell,” and it makes me think twice about living with a stranger. At the same time, I feel like I wouldn’t get myself into a similar situation because I’d vet the person before moving in. I’d want to meet in person and get to know each other somewhat, so I’ll know what to expect. It sounds like she didn’t do that.

Living on my own is still strongly preferable, but so is saving money. I’m at a loss, because I can save $400 a month if I move in with 3 other guys. And I can save about $225 if I move in with this other stranger. Because my income is fairly low, this amount of money matters more to me.

 

[DanielLewis]

I could never live with strangers. It's like coming home from the stress and anxiety of having to deal with people out in the public to coming home to the stress and anxiety of dealing with people in your personal living space. I need to have a safe and quiet haven.

I think that I also need to have a safe and quiet haven. And yet I’m still thinking about rooming with these strangers who, in the listing, say they’re “quiet, very clean, organized, and responsible.” And they don’t party or smoke. Now, that sounds like people I and other people with SA could possibly live comfortably with.

 

[Phoenixx]

Wow, that really was the roommate from “hell,” and it makes me think twice about living with a stranger. At the same time, I feel like I wouldn’t get myself into a similar situation because I’d vet the person before moving in. I’d want to meet in person and get to know each other somewhat, so I’ll know what to expect. It sounds like she didn’t do that.

She actually did meet in person with her, but like I said she was in a rush to get the spot filled. At the time it was getting close to that date for the lease to be renewed, and she didn't have any other interest prior despite advertising, so she jumped on the first person that seemed really interested. Unfortunately it wound up being a mistake and one she won't make again. She's very content living on her own now lol.

Living on my own is still strongly preferable, but so is saving money. I’m at a loss, because I can save $400 a month if I move in with 3 other guys. And I can save about $225 if I move in with this other stranger. Because my income is fairly low, this amount of money matters more to me.

If money is what matters more, then by all means go for it and try it out. Go and see the apartment you're looking into and meet the dudes, see how you like the space and if there can be any decent privacy. Just realize that if you move in and wind up not liking it you'll most likely be stuck with it for a while, unless you pay extra to break a lease which honestly would be a waste of money unless you have an extremely good reason. I personally couldn't handle a whole year living with people I didn't know, and I also wouldn't like breaking a lease nor would want to spend the money to do so when that could go towards so many other essentials.

 

[LoyalXenite]

You could ask for a trial period on the lease, say one month then if it goes well you sign the full lease?

 

[Miserum]

After two years of sharing an apartment with my brother, I’ve decided I should get my own place. Although improving our relationship was good, I know this is the next step for me to take. What I’m unsure about in taking this next step is whether to rent an apartment or to rent the room of a stranger’s home. The latter option will save me a good chunk of money, and the former will save me the weirdness of moving in with one or more complete strangers. I’ll save about 9% of my monthly income if I rent a room, which seems pretty significant. Knowing this, what would you do? Excluding a college dorm, have you ever moved in with a stranger? How did it turn out?

I have experience with living with people I didn't know. In my experience, you'll have to learn how to be polite but not too polite with roommates and landlord. You'll learn how to put your foot down when you feel someone is overstepping your boundaries. You'll also realize that it will likely be a different experience from living with your brother, and you will have to make compromises from time to time. Sometimes, it might get messy.

For example, I've had to be firm with a roommate that was taking my food without asking. I've also had to deal with noise by confronting several roommates, and overall, I've had to learn how to present myself better with people I live with, but aren't necessarily friends with.

Big, big learning experience for me. And though things don't (and won't) always go my way, I figure it's been good for me in the long run since I've become more comfortable with uncomfortable situations.

 

[Miserum]

You could ask for a trial period on the lease, say one month then if it goes well you sign the full lease?

That's a great fucking idea! Wish I thought of that when I first moved in with strangers. But I had no guts then and was completely clueless about what I could do as a "negotiator." I just "purchased at sticker price" so to speak.

 

[vj288]

I personally would not live with a stranger if it was avoidable. Living with anyone, whether or not I know them well or not can be harrowing at times just because alone time is so important to me. A person being a stranger would add an additional layer on top of that though.

When I think about moving in with a stranger, I see it from two angles. The first is the SA angle. For that, I look at my time sharing a dorm room at college. The summer leading up to that, I was so very worried and worked up thinking about being in such close quarters with someone else, and how terribly it would go and how incapable I was in dealing with it. I just couldn't see it going well. Once I got there, the end result ended up being very anticlimactic. I minded my business, he minded his business, and nothing interesting happened. It was very uneventful, boring, and forgettable.

The other angle is from a more generic perspective, you know what it's like for anyone to live with a stranger. Outside of college dorms I've actually never done it, but from what I know of others it's similar to buying a used car. Sometimes you get lucky and everything runs great, and sometimes the car breaks down a week later and steals all your DVDs. In most cases you have to put a little work in at one point or another to make sure things run smoothly, and as long as you do that it works out. You'd have to be prepared for any of the options though, and be ready for whatever situation you end up in.