Mixed Signals

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Bittersweet

Well-known member
What does it mean when a guy gives mixed signals?

Sometimes he's friendly, sometimes slightly flirtatious, sometimes he gives the body language " back off " .

I can't figure out if he's not interested at all, slightly interested, interested but confused/scared, or just playing games.

Maybe it doesn't matter, but I'd like some input just the same.
 
kihira

kihira

1
Bittersweet said:
What does it mean when a guy gives mixed signals?

Sometimes he's friendly, sometimes slightly flirtatious, sometimes he gives the body language " back off " .

I can't figure out if he's not interested at all, slightly interested, interested but confused/scared, or just playing games.

Maybe it doesn't matter, but I'd like some input just the same.
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.....................
 
Mickery

Mickery

Well-known member
Could be any of those things. Could be none of them. The only way you're going to be sure is if somebody tells you.
 
B

Bittersweet

Well-known member
He's a friend, I've known off and on for about a year.

It's not the sort of thing somebody will tell you even if you ask them directly. In fact, asking directly is the most surefire way of getting a non answer.

Well, thanks for the replies just the same :)
 
Thelema

Thelema

Well-known member
Bittersweet said:
He's a friend, I've known off and on for about a year.

It's not the sort of thing somebody will tell you even if you ask them directly. In fact, asking directly is the most surefire way of getting a non answer.

Well, thanks for the replies just the same :)
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People don't even know what they want themselves. You have to ask him to do something with you to know. If he says yes, then you have your answer.
 
B

Bittersweet

Well-known member
No. Anyone who would know him and is friends with him wouldn't say anything. They'd say something like " Oh, I don't know, he's never said anything about you to me."
 
CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
Bitter, I just mean you've seen me. It doesn't change who I am and what I say, but it's something you know more about me. It makes it less likely you can be infatuated by a fantasy, because you've seen me. It puts more of the person to the person.
Looks aren't everything, but you still look the way you do, and that's a part of you.
(sorry off topic, just to continue what we were talking about)

I still think it's a possibility it may be you though. Maybe you're reading too much into it. I know you were a lot like I am now. And I can see myself getting out and second guessing a relationship too. What are they really feeling? It drives me insane already in a long distance friendship/relationship I'm in.
Just try to tell as many details as you can about your relationship with him so others can give a little better advice.
I thought the point about him doing his hair just for you was important.

Maybe he is taking an interest in you and you aren't seeing it? Maybe the mixed signals are in your head because you're afraid of rejection.
Things are usually more clear than you see them. It's just a matter of putting it into perspective.
Don't drive yourself insane about it. Just continue to live your life, and know ultimately, you are your own boss and can have anyone you want :)

Good luck Bitter, I hope we get to talk more about this. Right now I'm so tired! And I don't even know what I really said, it was a pretty fast type lol.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Bittersweet,

Has he asked you out? Has he asked for your contact numbers/e-mail etc? Has he ever initiated things, or just goofing around when with friends?

Some guys can just goof around, and until he actually asks you out and shows definite interest, it's probably best to not obsess about it too much (Easier said than done I know..)

Maybe try to focus on other things that will keep you happy and busy? And just be friendly to him - if he's just shy he'll ask you out or initiate something when he braves up-?
(Being too direct can sometimes scare people, especially if they might be in the 'unsure' phase, on the other hand at least you'd know approximately what you're at now... Know that in the future things might change, or not..)

I know someone who got a guy's attention when she deliberately admired other people in his presence, like random tennis players etc ('What has he got that I don't?') and dressing 'prettily' but not sure if this always works... depends on the person's personality...
 
Mickery

Mickery

Well-known member
Jealousy must be the most powerful motivator around! I'm not sure admiration would necessarily be enough, but if a guy feels like you're looking elsewhere and they're interested, you can pretty much guarantee it'll push them into doing something about it.

Same goes for women. :)

Although if the reason is emotional unavailability or something like that, they may simply back off again after making sure you're not going elsewhere.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Mickery said:
Jealousy must be the most powerful motivator around! I'm not sure admiration would necessarily be enough, but if a guy feels like you're looking elsewhere and they're interested, you can pretty much guarantee it'll push them into doing something about it.
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Yeah, often. :) Some guys (looking from some replies on this site) could also just 'back off', fearing too much competition.. Or it might push some guys to do or say some not-so-nice things... And some might just be 'insulted' or would 'let you do your own thing'... So it's good to know him (and maybe his horoscope :)) a bit... Depends how it's done too...
I think admiring random (unknown) people or eg football stars is actually 'safer' than expressing interest in actual people near-by... (He knows there's little chance you or Ronaldo will actually do something about it etc.) Though if people are in a near-by tennis-field that's more 'threat' hehe.. (That girl I mentioned went from admiring football stars first then in a few weeks to the latter lol)

Yeah, talking to some other guys or dancing with them can 'push' a guy into taking more action too... (If he's not the shy or aloof kind that'd give up too quickly...) Know that even shy guys can be brave with sort of proper motivation...

A friend of mine who always had tons of guys asking her out was always generally nice, smiling a lot (not too much), some physical contact (nothing too risque, she's just the type that hugs or touches people on the hand/arm etc)... She's also very 'independent' and sportsy...

So you might wanna work on your own energy, so you're not 'expecting' energy from other people, if that makes sense... And yeah, keep contact with other people and other guys too, I guess... You never know, maybe even if this guy asks you out and you go steady, how much do you know him, how compatible are you, would it be short term or long term, it's good to have friends too...
 
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Beatmetrics

Beatmetrics

Well-known member
You might not want to worry about that. Just to give an example:

So I work with this guy...well a couple (the majority of them are men ) and when I started I was just being nice introducing myself to other people making sure I said my Hi's and everything. Then I got to the point where it was hi to this guy then the next so and on an so on. Well this one particular guy I'm guessing is taking interest because every time something happens between me and another guy in front of him I here him saying things as I'm walking away. Like I intentionally meant to do something. It's almost odd to hear. Like "did you see that she lit up when she said hi to him but barely said hi to me this morning," So now I've completely stopped I just say hi and I don't stay long to have too many conversations. Cause now I know oh OK this guy likes me and every time I'm with someone else he gets offend. So that me now pushing away but eventually he'll catch me in a good mood and I'm back to being me. It's like a listen, I know you like me but I'm just here to work I'm not looking for a relationship at work. I'm trying to be nice to you but that's all its going to be. Its friendly conversation here and there. I'm thinking about one day (when I have the time at work) Just to sit down with him during lunch and telling him that I like you as a person but me I'm not looking to attach myself with someone here at work...so on and so on. A discussion needs to happen I just haven't had the time....It may cause office drama but at least I know I'm not the one causing it.

Anyways my point was it may be something it's not you may like him but genuinely he just may be a decent person and doesn't want you to feel as if you don't matter to him because you may just not in the way you want him to. Don't make him feel as though everything depends on him because then he'll really push away and all that jazz.
 
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NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
The thing I've noticed about a lot of social phobics--myself included--is that we tend to just plain suck at reading peoples' signals. I doubt that thought will provide you much comfort, but yeah, being direct may be the only way you'll know how this guy feels.
 
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