miserable even when happy

[mrbryan3]

:oes anyone feel like theyre never happy no matter what. Thats how i feel. I feel like i almost have the word loser branded across my forehead. I feel damned if i do and damned if i dont. Ive moved several times still unhappy. Quit before i even started because I felt inferior. Tried to fit in anywhere possible but always feel like an outsider, even in my own family. Ive never dated never had any real friends either. Always felt like I had to struggle to be human. Ive bottled up emotion and I've thrown things and people out of my life over rage and frustration. I can put up a positive front but really just bottling all the anger i have. It just seems like true happiness is out of my reach like its unattainable or I did something wrong and being punished. I have really happy go lucky times then i crash and litterally give up everything, then I start all over again because i feel guilty. Its a viscious cycle anyone else have any ideas for help.

 

[Phoenixx]

I was just thinking of this today, that I always have some level of anger and/or depression always lingering. Even when I feel my best I also feel a small bit of anger and depression because I've pent up emotions for so long. When I feel happy, I try my best to just run with it and ignore all other emotions because very rarely do I ever feel that great. I'm sorry I don't exactly have any advice because I still need to figure it all out too.

 

[mrbryan3]

thats ok just good to know not alone. Really I could have just won a free trip and the lotto and still be upset

 

[MikeyC]

:oes anyone feel like theyre never happy no matter what. Thats how i feel.

I was just thinking of this today, that I always have some level of anger and/or depression always lingering. Even when I feel my best I also feel a small bit of anger and depression because I've pent up emotions for so long.

You both have described exactly what I'm like. It doesn't matter how happy I get - and I can get very cheerful - there's always a black spot somewhere in my mind that's waiting to explode again. It never ends.

Like Phoenixx, I don't have the answers to your issues, mate, because I suffer it. I wish you the best.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I don't have any magic solution either, but all I can say is that I know how you feel and I used to feel the same, and after quiet a lot of work on myself I can say that now I'm truly happy. I mean my life is not perfect and I'm not perfect but I'm at peace with myself and with others - So don't give up.. Aaand... to say something a bit more relevant now, I think getting rid of anger - against others and against yourself - would be a good start ...

 

[sullyS25]

Well I am going to risk coming off as an A-hole but I am just trying to play devils advocate because sometimes I need to hear things I don't want to...Advanced apologies if it doesn't help.....

Perhaps you are just attracted to feeling depressed and sorry for your-self. Maybe it is subconscious maybe not but I can tell you the one thing I thought to myself when reading the title of this thread and it was that this person wants people to pity them or to feel sorry for them. Misery and happiness are opposites in my opinion and the cannot exist together....maybe one follows the other but I don't think you can feel both emotions at the same time. I saw this post as a cry for pity because it seems like deep down inside you are addicted to that feeling of feeling sorry for yourself and others feeling sorry for you.....You hate it when people tell you to think positive because your body doesn't respond to those emotions like it does the negative ones. I know this so well because I do it to myself sometimes as well.....What I am realizing now is that if i sit back and complain about how hard life is I will get no where....I am trying to think positively and attract positive things into my life...When I can do that it works well but it is hard...I know.....

Have you ever seen the movie "The Secret" or read anything on the law of attraction? It basically says that we subconsciously attract into our lives whatever it is we spend most of our time thinking about......you can believe it or not but what would this mean for you if it were true?

 

[theslowesthand]

I seem to be about 50/50 of the time happy or unhappy, and that's not a very good ratio (as my "happy" is really just temporary pacified/soothed/escaping/etc of my usual crap - ie not so much positives, but a lack of negatives in my mind).

Being happy seems to be one of the most difficult things to achieve for people (although for a select few it seems to come "naturally", very lucky them! .. they seem to be just naturally happy people). And i strongly suspect people with SA/other MH disorders tend to find it even harder (& quite possibly "impossible") to be reliably happy.

As for attraction to negatives, not sure that i have ever "wanted" to be depressed, on any level. But for most of most youth i seemed to want to feel sorry for myself a lot (& wanted it from others also). I was attracted to negatives, for sure (being a critical & :. somewhat negative thinker). It felt good to be negative, and felt bad to be positive (topsy-turvy i know, just how i were - i waz a strange boy)

I think sullyS25 has a point, which i will add to: chronically unhappy people have a highly-negative subconscious, which constantly attracts unhapiness into their lives (and so are unhappy no matter what they do, or even think). I think that's probably what i need - some self-help methods which can target my subconscious, as that's probably at the root of my general unhapiness (???)

 

[recluse]

thats ok just good to know not alone. Really I could have just won a free trip and the lotto and still be upset

I could win the lotto and still be as depressed too. What's the use of being rich if you have no one to enjoy life with? My mental state would be the same regardless, although i wouldn't have to worry about finding a job.

 

[theslowesthand]

If i won the lotto, i don't think i could spend barely a penny of it, as to buy things with it means change, doing things, etc - which i can't handle.

Mrbryan3, I am actually quite envious of you in that you have been "able" to move living location a few times. I can't even manage to do that (& god knows i have REALLY needed to, for reasons that i won't go into here). So i have been "stuck" in my pshycisal situation (& mental-emotional sitation), for the past 10 years at least, with no end in sight.

 

[Nathália]

You both have described exactly what I'm like. It doesn't matter how happy I get - and I can get very cheerful - there's always a black spot somewhere in my mind that's waiting to explode again. It never ends.

:: Its a viscious cycle anyone else have any ideas for help.

It's okay to feel guilty but you have to let your mind not attach to certian things more than others, when you cover it of course you're not going to feel satisfied. Mikey do you think that black hole is just you masking your thoughts? Or you thinking about the future and past in the back of your mind?

 

[Nathália]

I could win the lotto and still be as depressed too. What's the use of being rich if you have no one to enjoy life with? My mental state would be the same regardless, although i wouldn't have to worry about finding a job.

I would see it as an opportunity if the money was spared well and saved up. It could put you out there. You could do charity events and meet new people. Go to more places and have more free time that could allow you to meet people world wide. Of course you will have anxiety it's part of you and no amount of money can take that away. It's about making the best of what you have somehow. I got this now how am I going to make the best of it.

 

[MikeyC]

Mikey do you think that black hole is just you masking your thoughts? Or you thinking about the future and past in the back of your mind?

I'm not really sure what it is. It's just a constant feeling of unhappiness, however tiny the feeling is, that's always there.

 

[Kiwong]

When I am happy I am really happy. I really have to push myself hard to find that sort of happiness.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

I have felt like this for years. I don't want to live, I really don't. but I really have no choice. 1. I believe in god and 2. I don't think I could leave my loved ones behind. People say that suicide is cowardly but those people have have no clue what is going through a persons head, what they have been through in life. How hopeless they feel.

 

[xavier26]

I had chronic social anxiety for 10 long miserable years. I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't work & I couldn't socialize. I would have a panic attack if I had to go out and check the letter box. I took at least 24 different medications including ssri's, Maoi's tricyclics and minor and major tranquilizers like Valium and seroquel. None of them worked and some even made me worse. 3 Months ago I stumbled across a book by David burns called When Panic Attacks and it has completely changed my life and I am now finally getting rid of this garbage. I'm back to work, I have friends and I'm finally enjoying life again after 10 years of hell. I'm not trying to sell someones books here im just telling you what has worked for me and what I belive will work for everyone else who has anxiety, depression or low self-esteem. This book is completely CBT based. If you don't want to risk the money buying it you can find it online on various torrent sites. Good luck